Hi guys before this I had posted about my initial experience with hocd. However every single day I wake up I still have these thoughts and I have less anxiety and am less disgusted by I don't enjoy them at all but my mind keeps saying I do. I don't cry anymore, I don't have that much anxiety and I am less disgusted. At first I didn't even be around my female friends when this came but now I am around them and my mind keeps telling me I am hanging out with them because you are a lesbian and you have accepted it. But i don't want to be one. All this my mind uses as evidence that I am gay. I hate all of this. The urges feel so real now when I am with friends my mind continuously tells me I want to kiss them but I still be around them and I hate it. I get this sickening feeling in my stomach, my heart rate increases, my mind is lost in its own world. I can't cope with it I don't wanna be gay or bi. Whenever I say I am heterosexual aloud my mind retorts saying U won't b happy if you are straight. It doesn't make sense all those boys crushes intense fantasies those feelings and attractions towards the opposite sex have gone but before this they were so natural and real and lovely and amazing I loved it. I don't wanna be with a girl i don't want any of it, but this all feels to real to be HOCD. Oh and even worse I stopped looking at girls on social media I am too scared to go on it otherwise I don't wanna be attracted now the only things I do to lower my stress is go on forums to seek reassurance that I have HOCD and that everyone is going through the same experience and yes they are I feel reassured but then afterwards the doubt and feelings come back saying what if you are just in denial what if you are hiding. UGHHHHHH I just want to know if these are the later stages of HOCD or even if this is HOCD? Right now i am writing it down and my mind is telling me these are lies cause I am too scared to face the truth. I just want my heterosexuality back, I don't want this doubts I don't want these thoughts I just want to feel happy with a guy. Oh and more thing whenever I look at guys my mind tells me they are nothing more than friends but i WANT THEM TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS. UGHHH plz someone tell me i don't want these thoughts to be true. Before this btw I just looked at girls out jealousy or awe but never in romantic or sexual way.
Please help and tell me these are the later st... - OCD Support
OCD Support
Please help and tell me these are the later stages of hocd I don't even know anymore
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It's just OCD playing tricks with your mind. Because these thoughts are unwanted, you push them away, and then they bombard you again. And this makes them stick in your mind instead of floating off.
It's OCD putting doubts in your mind. It feels real, but it isn't, and beneath the doubts your heterosexuality and attraction to men is there, intact. It's just that the doubts and intrusive thoughts are covering it up!
Sexuality is so intense, and such a part of who we are, that it isn't surprising that OCD targets it. Perhaps tell yourself, whenever these doubts attack you, that it really wouldn't matter if you turned out to be gay. Then the intrusive thoughts would lose their power over you, and go away, and leave you alone. And then you could go back to feeling attracted to men again.
Most people have fleeting moments of thinking what it would be like to kiss or have sex with people we're not attracted to, but after a response of 'eurrgh!' the thought leaves us. So don't go thinking your thoughts are not normal! It's only because they upset you so much that they stay in your mind.
Ok thanks. I do that I don’t have any reaction during these thoughts but my attraction to men hasn’t come back! When will it come back omg I don’t wanna b with a girl. My mind is telling me that my heterosexuality was a lie and that I wouldn’t b happy with a man and sometimes I feel like these r voluntary thoughts but I don’t wanna have these thoughts, I have always dreamed of marrying a man. I just sorry for the pain but I haven’t told anyone about this so.
It must be really difficult to have these doubts about who you are. At the moment, trying to shut down your feelings about sex has put a damper on your attraction to men, but it will come back to you and you'll be able to feel what you used to feel about it. The intrusive thoughts are not voluntary thoughts, they are OCD thoughts invading your mind. The more relaxed you feel, the more your real feelings can emerge again.
Ok but even if I am relaxed the feelings feel so real they annoy me. But I will try. Cause I want to get rid of this
Hi anon1204
It sounds to me, that you're making great progress & well done👏
You're socialising with women and your anxiety has reduced in these situations, which is amazing. You're desensitizing yourself brilliantly. I think you're being really hard on yourself about not having an attraction to any men at the moment. At the moment you're very traumatized about all things sexual, which has more than likely put you off any romantic inclination. This is what happens to me regarding my ocd theme based around paedophiles which makes me repulse anything sexual. In the past, when I have recovered from these episodes, my natural sexual thoughts and attractions have returned.
I hope this helps you recognise what the ocd bully is doing to you x poke that nasty bully in the eye & carry on with your fantastic progress x
Omg Am I really getting better?! I am so happy! But I will only b truly happy when my attraction to men come back. But is it normal that ur hocd is getting better within a span of 2 months?
Youre definitely improving and im sure, with time and erp, your true attraction to men will return x
i been there to the part where i wouldn’t hang out with my friends and where my mind would tell me to kiss them but it died out and i was able to hang out with them. I dont know why but it just started like 2 days ago when i was laying next to my mom and a thought popped up in my head and it said come out and than mind keeps telling me to tell her im gay but im not gay and i never want to be gay and i hate it because it feels so real that i just start to cry and also can this be because i was hanging out with a friend and he told me that a rapper had just came out as gay and than thats when i started getting the thoughts too. The only times im happy are when i think about this girl that i have a crush on and i start to fantasize about her n stuff.
How do you feel now?
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