It spooks me!!: At the moment, I'm seeing myself... - OCD Support

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It spooks me!!

6 years ago•9 Replies

At the moment, I'm seeing myself from a distance!! and I'm seeing how I can't relax, I've never seen myself like this before, and I see how I trick myself into doing what OCD wants me to do!! I actually feel sick. The mind is a powerful thing.

I'm normally on the ball, but I'm so all over the place just now, I feel stupid and mad, I'm even struggling to have normal conversation.

I think I'll write a list of things I WANT to do tomorrow, and when I get up, I'll put headphones on, and put loud music on, and do my list.

I just wanted to air my rant!!

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Katz101

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9 Replies

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MyOCD1236 years ago

OCD is sneaky like that! It will do and say anything it possibly can to ensure that you do not live your life to the fullest. I would encourage you to not beat yourself up over the bad days! You are incredibly brave to be fighting this battle and you should be treating yourself with kindness and understanding. The fact that you’re going to make a list and accomplish what you want is amazing and inspiring to me! Bravery isn’t about not experiencing any fear but instead about being scared and doing things anyways. I think about this often with OCD because it can be so terrifying, yet we have to make the choice to continue to live our lives according to our values and not how OCD would like us to live. You got this!

Katz101• in reply toMyOCD1236 years ago

Thank you, I have tears in my eyes with your kind words, I find it hard to be kind to myself when I feel like I'm a monster!!! And you're right, bravery is when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, but you keep moving forward.

I'm finding it all too much just now, due to normal life things, and with the added fact my OCD is playing up, even my work is noticing the cracks!!!

I'm probably taking on too much at once!!

One thing I will be added to my list, and job purely just for me, something selfish!! 😁

A list is something that can be really useful, when your blinded by your OCD!!

Thanks myocd124.

MyOCD123• in reply toKatz1016 years ago

I’m so glad I can offer my support on this platform - it really makes me feel like maybe there’s a reason I have OCD (and that is to help others). I know you will be able to get back on track and continue to make strides. Your list idea sounds like it will do a lot of good for you. I’m glad you’re taking time to do something just for yourself! You deserve it!

Sallyskins6 years ago

Rant away! It does us good! All of us have a few bad patches. Enjoy the music.

Katz101• in reply toSallyskins6 years ago

My rant at the moment would consist of being biplomatic at work, working with a new team of people that ain't as hard working as I, and coping with my GP asking me trigger inducing questions!? and dealing with all my physical problems!!!

And I hate that feeling I have for all the complaining I do, I want to complain till I feel better, but hate myself for complaining!!! Lol

All this aside, I know it will get better.

I hope things are okay with you Sallyskins!?

Sallyskins• in reply toKatz1016 years ago

Not too bad. I had a difficult week, but am feeling a bit less OCD now. I managed to go shopping earlier today without too much step retracing, which is one of my worst OCD habits. Then a cyclist on the pavement startled me and made me worse again!

Katz101• in reply toSallyskins6 years ago

Nothing worse when you get affected by someone, I hope it passes soon.

Can I ask what you mean about retrace your steps!? I'm interested, but only share if it doesn't cause spikes!!

Many years ago I couldn't step on the third manhole cover!! I did that one for about three years.

I feel loads of empathy for everyone on here. I would fight all side you guys.

Sallyskins• in reply toKatz1016 years ago

I'm hoping that it doesn't spike you! I often stop in my tracks and go back a bit and retrace my steps because I feel I haven't done it right or I've had a negative thought while walking. Then I try to get it right. It's one of my worst OCD things. Doorways can be a problem too, and I go back and forth in and out of doorways.

Cyclists on the pavement are a nuisance. It's actually illegal but some still do it, and it really makes me panic to have someone charging towards me where I'm walking, or coming up behind me and nearly knocking me over. It always leaves me feeling dodgy and puts me off my stroke.

Crossing roads is another problem, because I'm afraid of feeling I have to retrace my steps while I do it, with traffic around. I imagine motorists wondering what that mad woman is doing!

Katz101• in reply toSallyskins6 years ago

Thank you so much for sharing this with me, I know ain't easy, it doesn't cause me spikes.

I hope you have more good days than bad.

You know, only a sufferer knows what it's like, to be one person, you, and the other side, the illness, that's something I struggled with to begin with, knowing your not well.

BUT the beautiful thing is, we're fighters, and we're stronger than we believe we are, and I take great strength in that.

Your not mad to me, your a fighter.

It spooks me!!: At the moment, I'm seeing myself... - OCD Support

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