Am i going crazy?!!!! : Hi, Just looking for... - OCD Support

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Am i going crazy?!!!!

6 years ago•8 Replies

Hi,

Just looking for advice i have been suffering the last 2 weeks after a panic attack brought on intrusive thoughts etc, but im worried im actually losing the plot. Some of the thoughts are really strange, like i was reading something about someone who had been murdered and i thought “what if it was me” and i had another panic attack about that. Also i was looking in the mirror yesterday and had a throwaway comment to myself because there was no light on the i looked evil then my brain went into overdrive “ what if im turning into the devil” then i panicked about that sounding like schizophrenia talk and convinced myself i was going crazy, then the doubts set in like what if i cant look in a mirror again. I have currently just started taking sertraline and the doctor has put me on diazepam to calm me down whilst they take effect, its almost like a high level of fear about irrational things that i know arent right and when i calm down it goes away but then my brain will bring it back up, is it all part of just accepting that these thoughts are just throwaway moments but my mind has picked them up and is replaying them causing me a lot of fear. Someone please help.

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8 Replies

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Kangoo6 years ago

Your brain has got you on high alert and is repeatedly trying to keep you there. It thinks it’s trying to protect you as you reacted to the thought with fear so keeps bringing it back up. I know it’s really hard but if you just let it be there and carry on with something else regardless, eventually your brain will stop trying to scare you with it and move on. It’s about pretending you don’t care about it if that makes sense.

Lee270780• in reply toKangoo6 years ago

Thank you so much! Its been by far the scariest thing ive had to deal with, the feelings of am i going insane and the derealisation of it are horrible!

Sallyskins6 years ago

It's common for people with OCD to think they are going crazy, but although we have irrational thoughts, we know we're being irrational! But being stuck in a panic spiral means you can't think rationally, but remember that once you're back out of it, you realize you're really not crazy.

It takes a few weeks for the sertraline to start working properly, so you won't be feeling the effects yet. It makes a huge difference when you do. Keep on with the diazepam but make sure you wean yourself off it when the sertraline kicks in, as it is very addictive.

Having OCD means that we hold on to what you rightly call 'throwaway moments' that mean nothing and imbue them with meaning they don't merit. It's not so much about pushing them away as saying 'All right, I know you're there' and then getting on with other things. It's often difficult, but they do go away of their own accord if you don't give them undeserved attention.

Feel free to post here and let us know how you get on with the medication.

Lee270780• in reply toSallyskins6 years ago

Hi sally,

Thanks for the reply, it really helps knowing im not alone as i feel like theres no way out of it at the moment.

I have this weird thing at the moment when im almost forcing myself to think. Like i run through words in my head before i say then then make a decision to say it or not incase i end up saying something weird,my autoresponse doesnt seem to be working very well as i have this auto reply in my head when someone says something, usually something sarcastic or my brain is calling my children horrible names that i would never dream of calling them. Is this just all symptoms of my high anxiety? Its the strangest symptom so far causing me lots of panic, like i cant function right. Also i have this irrational fear that im not going to be able to move or speak and i have to force myself its just fear i think. Any help would be great

Lee

Sallyskins• in reply toLee2707806 years ago

Imagining that you're going to say something horrible or sarcastic to someone, or call your children horrible names, is so OCD. It makes us imagine that we would do something vile to someone, when we really wouldn't hurt them at all. It's as though OCD is taunting us.

It also makes us monitor our responses and actions, in case we do or say or think something untoward. So running things over in your head, before you say something, is typical of OCD.

Try not to worry about it, as lots of people with OCD have similar experiences. Do consider professional help, if you're not getting it already. Medication can make a big difference too. Here are a couple of downloads that might be of help.

readingagency.org.uk/adults...

selfhelpguides.ntw.nhs.uk/p...

MyOCD1236 years ago

Hey!

Take a deep breath there! I promise you it’s going to get better. OCD is scary and it will prey on all of your doubts and insecurities to ensure that you do not live a full life. Intrusive thoughts are strange, weird, disturbing, and terrifying because, well -that’s just what they do.

Everyone has different obsessions so don’t feel bad or intimidated by your thoughts because you feel that they are not like everyone else’s. I can say that I have had very similar thoughts to you. For example “what if I’m dead” or “what if I’m possessed or becoming evil”. I also used to worry a lot about schizophrenia, but people who are schizophrenic don’t see anything wrong with their thoughts and aren’t aware of their hallucinations.

I’m reading a book right now about managing OCD, and I’m going to totally butcher this quote but it essentially said something along the lines of, “having ocd is like being so sane that you’re aware of the fact that you’re going insane”. That really resonated with me and I think you’ll feel the same way.

I hope you are seeing a specialist and receiving ERP. I think medication can be a great tool. I’ve been on Sertraline for over 8 years and have never had any issues with it. Just remember that OCD always lies. Always. It will never ever ever tell you the truth. So please don’t believe it. Thoughts are just thoughts and they don’t mean anything about us and who we are and what we want. I’m wishing you lots of healing and comfort and strength right now. Also link below for a video I think you’ll find comforting in terms of strange thoughts. OCD doesn’t always have to be about harm or contamination. The obsessions can vary greatly!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=c0IJI...

Lee2707806 years ago

Thanks for the replies. Can i ask is this another symptom, im feel like i cant make a decision. For example i cant seem to recognise what i want to do if that makes sense? Like im doubting and questioning things i would normally do automatically, even very small things like making a cup if tea, i question myself like how do i know if i want it. Like i cant think properly. The what if’s are so weird aswell such as what if i suddenly couldnt pick up my phone or what if i couldnt think. Its just making everything a struggle. I also from about 1pm yesterday had a pretty positive day but today i feel like i cant even hold a conversation without planning it out first. Im fairly sure this is just another symptom of a very tired mind but im just looking for some reassurance i guess

Thanks for listening

Calm_mama• in reply toLee2707806 years ago

Hi Lee,

Hugs to you!

Indecision is an understandable, predictable part of the pattern. In my experience, half of the recovery process is understanding what is happening in your mind so it isn't so frightening, bewildering and confusing. You might like the 2 Claire Weekes' videos I have on my profile. They both address OCD as a component of anxiety and describe in great detail this predictable pattern that you are in.

"...There's no mystery here..." ~ The venerable Dr. Claire Weekes

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