Anxiety, Memory and partial Blackout

[baseball8899]

Hi All,

I suffer from terrible anxiety and intrusive thoughts typically around cheating on my wife. Over a year ago I was out with friends at a casino and got so drunk I partially blacked out. I remember vividly that while I was at a card table a girl sat on my lap. I took a snap of it cause I thought it was funny and that’s all I remember of that situation. When my friends returned to the table they told me she wasn’t on my lap any longer. Apparently she hung out with my friends group for a bit and then we left the casino.

All my friends said that I wasn’t in to her and just keep talking about playing cards and did nothing other than the stupid thing of putting her on my lap. I told my wife and she forgave me.

I’m more worried that I did something more like kiss her. For the longest time I had no memory of kissing her, but I tried to visualize it so much that I feel like I know remember kissing her. I’m not sure if it’s real or not and I feel like I’m losing my mind. Why would I remember this over a year later when I tried so hard to remember it in the first place.

What’s happening to me...