OCD-UK
2,385 members630 posts

Hello from a newbie!

Hi all! I'm a forty seven year old male. I live alone. I was with my ex for 12 years, married for almost half that time and we have two boys together who are now 10 and 12. We have been separated for nine years.

I work full-time. Unfortunately I don't have any friends and it's not easy for me to make new one's. My mother is still alive at 79 and I have two brothers and a sister.

Most of my problems with ocd are intrusive thoughts but I do have checking issues that I have under fairly good control.

I also suffer from depression and today I've been very low. I've actually spent most of the last 4 days in bed. Anyhow that's about it for now. Ciao!

28 Replies
oldestnewest

Join a fitness gym and hear music , also join dating websites , so you can speak with people,

Reply

Hi Vanessa, I go to the gym five days a week and I have spent years on dating sites. I guess I've kind of given up on meeting anyone.

Reply

Hm...well it's never to late and you have to also go out , like what hobbies you like to do , and while you are doing these hobbies you can meet someone, and have shared interests.....it's all in the mind.

1 like
Reply

Sorry you have been struggling. Today has been a rough day for me. I have OCD as well and it is quite the monster. Please keeping posting.

1 like
Reply

We are never alone in our struggle! I'll keep posting thanks!

Reply

Yes that's true we are not alone .

Reply

I do sympathise with you, OCD is a cruel illness.

What are your intrusive thoughts based on if you don't mind sharing with us?

Reply

I'm not surprised that you are depressed, if you have no friends. It can be difficult to approach new people, as your confidence is bound to be low, but I'm sure there are ones out there who would be only too pleased to have you for a friend.

Going to the gym isn't the best way to make friends, as everyone I suppose is intent on their own fitness to connect with anyone else. The best thing is perhaps to join some kind of group where you can get involved with organizing activities, such as a political pressure group or volunteer group.

As for dating websites, people do meet partners using these, but it isn't much fun if all your connections with others are on line. There is no reason to give up on meeting someone, as long as you keep your expectations realistic, and don't go for women much younger than you, for example. There are lots of nice single women out there around your age.

Perhaps there is something you could do with your boys that would get you out of the house and doing things. Could be football or other sports, or anything else you and they like. And there might be a single mum out there doing something with her kids!

OCD can affect your confidence as well, and make you liable to depression, which in turn makes it worse. If a course of therapy might help, then do go to your doctor.

1 like
Reply

Sorry you feeling this way. But don't stay in bed go for a walk or read a book keep busy. I work and a single parent but I also have little to no friends and my son keeps me from going nuts. Maybe you just need to do something you enjoy to not lose yourself in depression it's not easy but we are all here for you to support n help. I'm honestly not good with making friends but I try knowing I'm not alone and your not hope you feel better soon

1 like
Reply

Thanks Jewlz17! I drove over to my brothers house to feed his cat because his family is away for a week and I take care of the cat when there gone.

1 like
Reply

Oh that's good. Pet sitting always fun😊

Reply

It's a nice cat. Got me out of the house anyways!

Reply

Ever considered getting a pet yourself. I heard it's very therapeutic to have a pet to look after and love.

Reply

I've had pets in the past but now that I live alone and work long hours, I don't think it would be fair to keep an animal alone for over 12 hours. Wouldn't be fair to it.

Reply

Yeah that would be hard on a pet with those crazy hours. I can't have pets either my sons a handle already 😊. No hobbies for when your not working?

Reply

I go to the gym 4 to 5 days a week. Also take in a movie here and there.

1 like
Reply

Well that's good that's more than I can say that I do but I try. Glad your motivated to stay healthy too. I cant do the gym scares me I got issues 😋

Reply

I understand your feelings about gyms. A lot of people are not comfortable working out in public. I've been lifting weights since I was 12 so it's just as normal to me as walking. It keeps me sane.

Reply

Yeah I'm like 5'2 I don't feel right at the gym 😁. Most men not all tend to feel good at the Gym

Reply

I see all shapes and sizes plus all age groups as well at the gym. Once a person gets over the initial first try at a gym they usually get over there inhibitions or insecurities. I know it's not easy though. I was super nervous the first time I joined a gym.

Reply

I went to an all women's gym before I had my son but even that freaked me out I told myself at least I made the effort. But at least you seem to have good things keep you busy

Reply

cats are good at looking after themselves , you could get 2 to keep each other company while your out. Animals are very good for depression, I have a cat and a dog , they are a big part of my world and give me much happiness.

Reply

I only live in a small apartment so there isn't much room for a couple of cats. I did own one a few years ago but it ran away. I think I depressed it.

Reply

hi there,

how do you manage your depression?

mine started 2 months ago plus I have experienced these intrusive thoughts too.

had 2 weeks off work and I spent them mostly in bed.

I need help.

Reply

Hi alone1, I manage my depression by taking Zoloft and by exercising and using my job to keep a routine and keep. E busy. I know I've spent lots of time just laying in bed for days or weeks but that never gets you better, it just keeps you stuck. You need to reach out and ask for help. You need to talk to someone close to you and get things off your chest. You need to do things to get you out of your head. Make small daily goals like going for a walk. Meeting someone e for coffee, gets groceries. Keeping busy helps tremendously. I know it's hard when depression saps your energy and makes small tasks seem hard but you need to make the effort. No one can pull you out of it but yourself. Hope this helps!

Reply

Pray for you!

Reply

Hi, I have been pulling my hair right now reading you - have not done that in months - am learning slowly to listen to my real self and actually what I really want and trying to express it

Yes it is not easy to pretend that we are fine when we feel NOT FINE - so this year I stop pretending and trying to tackle the real underlining issue that bugs me

i feel sport is good but not for occupying the brain space - TURNING TO specialist feel FAB, people who either feel the same or know/understand/help the same

Keep posting and hang in there,

DEPRESSION is for me like the AIRCRAFT MECHANISM to avoid IMPLOSION OF THE CABINE mid-air

lol

1 like
Reply

HI

do you take medication ? and are you in therapy?

Be well

maxs

Reply

You may also like...