Not able to answer my obsession

Hi everyone, I have an obsession about suïcide, that followed after an episode of Health Anxiety. My psychiatrist and psychologist say this is OCD. It's not that I'm thinking 'I want to die' but more like 'what if the thoughts never go away?' 'Why do people commit suïcide?' 'If they did it, why wouldn't I?'. As said above, my psychiatrist and psychologist know about it. Does this ever go away? It's really bothering me. When I'm laughing I think 'am I really happy?'

5 Replies

  • It's hard to say how these obsessions start - but they go against what is rational. OCD is good at not even allowing people to believe they are really happy when they are. It's not known as the doubting disease for nothing. It's hard just to say distract yourself and it will go away - it's clearly bothering and upsetting you. Are the psychiatrist and psychologist doing anything to help? However, obsessions can go or change into something else. That means this doesn't have always to bother you. I hope this helps.

  • They are just thoughts. Accept them and then try to dismiss them

  • Hi Laura

    Reading your post it could actually be me writing it!!! I have obsessed about S for a couple of years now and like you my psych and previous cbt therapist know about it. It all started with hearing in the news and reading in papers etc about people who have ended thier lives, it seemed like it was there, everyday. This got me to thinking about why they did it, what made them different to everybody else? This in turn lead to fear, freaking out about the word S (I hate even saying it, seeing it written down etc) like you I definitely don't want to die! The thought of dying freaks me out too so I suppose it's all connected. My mind is constantly trying to figure out what it's thinking, sometimes I look at old folk and wonder if they have thoughts like this and how do they manage with it? When I was in my 20's I was obsessed with spontaneous human combustion of all things,. Now I'm 52 and my brain just keeps surprising me with what it will come up with next!! Never a dull moment in my head 😜 Sometimes I question what i do or say and think, am I saying or doing this this because I mean it or am I saying or doing it because that's what I'm supposed to be saying or doing. I keep thinking back to when I was carefree and happy and wonder If I can be that again.........we can only hope. Feel free to message me anytime, hugs x

  • Thanks for your answer GillyMc!

    It's been better for a while, but now it's back. If I see something somewhere about suicide, I need to read it. Now with the new netflix series '13 reasons why' I'm even more scared, because The S word is all over the news.

    The worst is, that if I read somewhere that someone did it because for example they were bullied in school, and since I was also bullied in school as a teenager, I can't help but think 'what makes me different?' and that leads me into a panic..

  • I'm the same

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