It sounds to me like you have severe OCD, please take yourself off to your GP and explain or better still print out your letter here and take that along. You do need help to start to feel better. My hubby has had depression nearly all of his life which started due to losing his twin sister and other things around the same time that turned into OCD in later years and now Hyperchondria so please get help now. Don't be scared there are people that can help you. Good luck, go today.