Spare room or sofa. How was it for you?

[dtech]

I noticed in replys to a recent question a number of us have had to 'move out' so we can try and get some sleep, or allow our partners to. Does it affect your relationship,as it did mine? And how did you try to explain to the O/H?

[Hidden]

I find this one of the trickiest areas if my life to be honest. My OH works nights and this means he's always tired and has sinus trouble so he snores very loudly. I am an insomniac anyway so RA just compounded this and having two dogs and two teenagers still living in a fairly small house makes sleep deprivation even more of an issue for both of us. For a while my husband was moving into the spare room because I was half waking and whimpering in pain most nights as my knees locked and then my shoulders and wrists and ankles - so that got us out of sync further still.

Nowadays I wake often when teens come in late or dogs get restless but husband snores loudly through it all. I'm sleeping in tiny office spare room every night that he's home just now so its not great for any romance but I miss the companionship most. He is trying to address his snoring and seeing a specialist dentist next week but even if it gets sorted I find my hands and wrists get stiff and swollen up in the night and that usually wakes me as I have to wriggle them every few hours to try and get comfy! Tilda x

[dtech]

Thanks for this Tilda. I knew I wasnt alone, But, like most people I think, find it's a difficult area to talk about. It all adds to the burden this bloody disease piles on you. Good luck with the dentist for him, I think we spoke about that before.

[Hidden]

We have bought an extremely wide bed because of my RA. It doesn't address my OH snoring though. I use my elbow for that.

RA is not just a pain, it makes me overheat at times so I constantly throw off the covers. Then I freeze and drag them back. I suppose neither of us is easy to share a bed with!

[fastball]

i'm still in same room as husband but in single beds, this is because he scratches in the night and if i'm asleep he wakes me. he has oa and i have psa. He is in the processe of decorating our spare room as my son has moved into his own house, but it's a slow job for him if it's not one pain its another.

chris

[cathie]

We have a large zip and link bed which is so comfortable. Its a bit like one of those large american cars! About to get new carpet in bedroom with special insulation underlay to make it cosy. And yes a judiciously applied elbow can help with the snoring but the problem is that wakes you up more!

[Rita56]

We sleep apart most nights my husband and I.He snores badly and I am constantly tossing and turning trying to get comfortable with all the aches and pains R.A brings.He goes in the spare room or I get up and come downstairs and sleep on the sofa.I wear wax earplugs to try to stop being disturbed every night.I would love a good nights sleep.

[helixhelix]

extra wide beds, ear plugs (personally I go for foam, not wax) and lots and lots of pillows - useful for propping up aching limbs, burying head in for noise control, as a barrier against flailing limbs or as a last resort for bopping OH on the head with (him or me, depends who's behaving worst....)

[earthwitch]

Yes, an extra wide bed is really helpful as you can start off with a snuggle, then move away and have plenty of your own space. For me its having lots of pillows around me to support my back, upper arm, etc, and that takes a lot of space.

I'm also quite likely to get up and spend a few hours in the recliner in the middle of the night as well, but then go back to bed again.

[dtech]

I could make a fortune on here selling anti-snoring devices! lol. But it is interesting how that and RA imposes on our sleep/partners. Glad you still get a cuddle earthwitch, that is the other problem with seperate rooms:-((

[mille]

I sleep alone now although my husband is not too happy with being in the single room and i think he is a bit resentful that i have a bigger bed than him but it was the only way i could sleep and get comfortable as i am a restless sleeper and as he also suffers from parkinsons disease we both didn't get much sleep, now i look forward to going to bed at night,

[oldtimer]

We are fortunate in having a large enough house for us to each have a bedroom. We always say goodnight to each other properly with a hug (unless one of us has an infection which seems to be happening often this winter after such a horrible summer). And we each have visiting rights in the other bed when we are not trying to sleep.

The main difficulty is when we go away, that we still want our own rooms or we do not sleep well - it makes it more expensive going away with two single supplements!

[dtech]

Thanks for all the replys. It was interesting getting other peoples views on what is a difficult subject. And how ones partners accepts,or otherwise, the situation. I love 'oldtimer's' euphemism of 'visiting rights', or at least I think it was a euphemism! Because that is another problem with seperate rooms. Interesting there has not been another bloke commenting on here. HELP!!

[helixhelix]

We always felt uncomfortable with the idea of having permanent separate rooms, so instead we allow each other "vacation" time and if the poor nights get too much can decamp to spare room for a night without guilt or recrimination! But seems like most blokes sleep through it all.....?

[Hidden]

We were resigned to sleeping separately most of the time before I was diagnosed with RA due to my husband's appalling snoring & our stressful working lives which made disturbed nights a real no-no. And now my days are less stressful but I still don't want to put up with snoring if I don't have to plus I am a real fidget with my wonky thermostat, night cramps etc. etc. I just don't think it's that bad really - some of the happiest couples I know sleep separately much of the time even without the RA factor. (Just don't forget to visit!)

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Oh and maybe it is hard to explain to your OH if they're not the sleep-deprived one .... but I just think talk about it, don't shy away from the subject because, lets face it, being utterly knackered is not good for your sex life either!

[shirlthegirl]

Hiya, well before i was diagnosed and not taking the correct pain killers, I also spent many nights on my recliner to, At that time i was only getting 2 hours sleep per night and was disturbing my husband, So i thought the best place was in my front room, where to be honest i felt more comfortable to, I know i keep mentioning Amitriptline, but it has worked wonders for me, in every way including being able to spend time in bed with my husband and have lots of cuddles, It's not for everyone but it really works well for me, Take care, and i hope your sleeping arrangements improve soon XXX

[dtech]

The doctor suggested an anti-depressant for me too but I didnt want to add to the load of medication I was taking already for RA. And i was afraid of possibly getting hooked on it. I do still take sleeping tablets, mainly when we are away together and sharing a room!! Getting 'cuddles' (another euphemism?) is the other problem with seperate rooms. It does take the spontenuity out of the (sex) relationship. We 'make an appointment' if we want to spend the night together, or at least some of the night. And that doesnt always work due to one of us not feeling up to it. Sorry for the moaning, but just felt in need of finding out if anyone else has same problems as me (us). Or is it just me cos' I am a bloke and perhaps put too much importance on it??

[helixhelix]

RA is distinctly not an aphrodisiac! So you are not alone.....

[dtech]

Yes I would definatly agree with that one helix:-((