I haven't been on for a while, I have read a few blogs, but haven't had the strength to put in words how I feel. I know we all have days where 'enough is enough' - but accepting the fact that I have RA has finally sunk in. I tried living in a bubble, doing and thinking and feeling how I thought I should now I have RA.
But I am RA, I live with it every second of everyday (as all of you do too). It painfully reminds me that I have changed and have to do things differently - and guess what - I am feeling happier about me, Oh I still cry, I get frustrated, I get angry - and then I realise that I am still breathing, I can still walk - very slowly and painfully at times; I can use my hands - in new ways that work for me and I have learnt that resting doesn't make me lazy, it makes me able to enjoy the evening with my family!
I have found the courage to go to night scholl where I am learning a new skill - Book keeping - Going back to school was scary and having set homework after 26 years made me giggle with glee!!
I enjoyed 6 weeks of summer being almost painfree, but since going back to work I am back to normal. I am in pain almost all day everyday and realise that I have to come first. I am not sure what my consultant will say - I have a lot to ask him - mainly 'why I am still in so much pain, why more joints are joining and why I am so totally exhausted?' The 24th October can't come quick enough!! Oh and I am finally getting a work place assessment done!!
And finally - I am still planning to do my walk on the 14th - in fact I am excited about it - so please pray for a dry day for me and I will let you know how I get on!
I know I say it everytime, but this network is my life line and I am so glad I joined!
Take care everyone, love Pen