Went to the doc this week as I have a chest infection.
Different doc from the one who thought I had ra and sent me to see the rheumy.
She found a letter from the hospital which had been sent 10 days earlier saying that my rh factor was 69, 0-15 being normal.
Asking the doc to start me on mtx and hydro, and flu and pneumonia jabs first.
I think that had I not gone about the chest, they would never have pulled up that letter and I would have remained in the the dark with no treatment for months.
I have been really struggling in work.
I fight my way through it, and at the weekend I just stay in bed trying to recover.
I spoke to my boss on the phone today, and she acknowledges the fact that work is manic, and every last one of them would give up if they could.
I am so worried that I can't cope, and in my job you have to be on the ball at all times, as I am dealing with prescriptions.
I am finding it hard as my hands and feet are affected, I am on my feet for 6.5 hours a day, and the pressure is on from the moment I start until I finish.
I go home and collapse, even walking home feels like I am walking on pebbles with no shoes.
When I get home I collapse in a heap and oh takes over in the cooking and walking and feeding of us and the dogs.
All this for the minimum wage.
I am now worried about how I will be feeling when I start on the meds.
My oh will be starting a job in May for 3 months, 7 days a week for 12 hours.
Don't know how I will cope.
My boss is behind any choice I make, but at the end of the day, if I give up, will I be entitled to any benefits?
I have never claimed anything in my life, and at the grand old age of 54 this wasn't in my plans for the future.
To be honest, if I thought that I could claim something to help us financially, I would give up in the blink of an eye. I know my limitations, and I think I am just about reaching them.
It's such a hard thing to accept..a year ago, I was full of fight and the energy to keep on working.
Now, I feel that I need some time. I go to bed and think that if I just had a rest then I would feel ready to carry on, but it just isn't happening, I have the rest and it makes me feel better, but not enough for it to stop that struggle and the knowledge that I still can't perform.
It's not just the aches and pains, and the clumsiness and dropping things and the complete blanks I get when a customer comes in and requests things that I know I know but just can't get my head around, cos it's in a constant bubble, it's the thought that I am not actually up to the job anymore, and seeing my colleagues having to bite their tongues when I am acting like a complete idiot because I am existing in this bubble that seems to have formed around me.
Sorry for the rant, but don't know how else to put it.