I like to think that I am an intelligent woman (although often proven wrong) and I also like to think that I have got a handle on my RA. However, I am often puzzled by my own behaviour and wondered whether anyone else has the same experiences.
I had to give up my job a couple of years ago and have since been living on Incapacity Benefit and DLA. I get the lower care and the higher mobility although I am asking for care element to be reassessed.
The day before yesterday I had a really good day. I managed to walk maybe half a mile with only one sit down and I even managed to take my daughter's dog with me.
Despite the fact that this is a pitiful distance for most 'able' people and that I spent most of the following day with chronic fatigue and my back hurts like billy-o again this morning - I still feel guilty!!
Somehow I feel that I don't deserve these benefit payments if I can walk that far and even get a bit paranoid about being done for fraud!!!!!
I know full well that I would not be able to sustain employment, a week maybe, perhaps longer but then I'd collapse but I find myself trying to justify why I don't work. Is it possible that I'm preventing myself from getting the best out of my life for fear that others may see me enjoying myself and deem me not to be disabled enough? I'm suddenly becoming aware of a 'disabled' mind set - 'can't do' rather than 'can do' attitude. I used to be so proud of my achievements in overcoming the difficulties. How do I get out of this self-fulfilling prophecy?