As I sit here sipping my warm lemon water, I can see the rain coming down in stair rods...
I can also see, RH and son and heir trying to get the sheep and lambs in because they are off to market with some lambs in a mo...
I am so envious.... NOT... omg as they say in text speak... I can't see me ever being able (or wanting) to do that again. Although I have done it many many times over the past few years and achieved such a fantastic sense of achievement. I know it sounds simple. But you spend hours and hours keeping an eye on the ewes when they are lambing. You help the lambs into life, all hours of the day and night. Watch them grow, then you let them out onto the fresh spring grass. But I have lost the desire and motivation because of RA. I realise how I have struggled over the last few years too, with the slow and creeping onset of OA and possibly flare ups of RA not realising. How the continual battled against the pains and stiffness have got me down. I now realise why I used to get so grumpy some days (ha some days! says RH).
The number of times I used to say to him, "I was ok until I moved down here with you"... and it was so true, looking back, I can pinpoint my first swollen lump on the back of my hand about 8/9 years ago (I moved in here July 2001), the pain and stiffness. Following the swelling I woke up the next morning, my fingers curled in and couldn't stretch them out. I used to massage them with Voltarol, warm water, but then they would stiffen up again, if I didn't use them all the time. I remember coming in for lunch that day, and whilst I was sat there my fingers had stiffened up again and they hurt for days, then just as suddenly it went away. But my fingers felt sore and tender after that for a while.
Then I would just carry on as before, but all the while my hands used to be painful when I did certain things. I now realise the pain used to make me miserable, which then made me grouchy, and poor old RH used to think that was how I was! I knew I wasn't, but it was so hard not to be grouchy some times and I was always looking for the reason why. I was homesick, - or not suited to farming life (as his blooming mother used to say - huh someone who has never stepped inside a cow shed!).
On top of that I had another flare up of plantar faciitis (I had given up running some years earlier because of continual problems with my feet). The physio blamed me wellies! So I invested in some expensive hiking boots with proper insoles - they lasted about 6 months in the mud - mud is a killer for boots, despite what anyone says... It dries out leather and they go all stiff, without continual cleaning and waxing and polishing.
I didn't realise that the pain in the balls of my feet and the metarsals could have been RA, they used to swell up and I actually went up a size in shoes and boots (I thought it was my big socks!)
So there, whilst I have been writing this, RH and son and heir have sorted out the lambs for market. They have just let the sheep out again, and they are all calling to each other. baaaa-ing and bleating. Time for brekkie methinks
Tara
Take care
Julie xxx