I get mad at people sometimes

Hi. I am new to RA. Was just diagnosed like 2 weeks ago. I am 32 years old. I have pain in my toes which is why I went to the Dr. I had three months of jumping joint pain that lasted three days for each. Now I am on sulfasalazine. When I tell people I don't think they realise how painful it is. My last flare my left wrist felt like I had broken it. I could not move my fingers. People tell me things like " I have arthritis too, I just keep moving". When you feel like your bones are broken why would you want to move them. People don't get it. And sometimes that makes me angry.

14 Replies

  • I couldn't agree more with you,unless you have it you have no idea.xx

  • Hi @mishell

    I agree with your views,and everything you're saying is perfectly natural for someone newly diagnosed - I used to get so angry at people it was either a case of lose it with them,or go off to the company toilets for a good cry instead, and they were on the days I could get into work!! Here's hoping that as you're so young(I thought I was 'lucky' to get hit with symptoms straight after my 40th) that you'll respond well to treatments quickly,and if not,just take a very deep breath,and remember,you will get your life back,it may just take a detour for a year or two first,but don't loose hope,that's the only thing we have some days,but I remember the first day I woke up to find my toes literally on fire,and in so much pain that I had to ring my mum,as I just couldn't believe toes could ever hurt that much.... I realise now that was one of the nicer days I had😝

    Once your meds are right,you'll be back acting your age,instead of a pensioner in no time...... take it from someone that knows how humiliating it is to have your pensioner mother dress you at appointments as you're sitting there thinking 'this should be the other way around,surely?!'

    Good luck

    Nicki x

  • I'm with you too. I used to get mad at work colleagues who tell me about their grandma with arthritis, osteoporosis etc and one even thought that RD flares lasts for one day only!

    Now I just ignore them and tell myself stress is bad for me.

    It's ok to vent and rant here as we all understand. Love and light 💐💐

  • Yes I know how you feel people just don't understand this illness until they get it themselves and it would be great if we were just a bit stiff and sore sometimes, but things will get better in time once they get you on the right combination off drugs to control this damn disease

  • I know how you feel. At the moment I feel like I have a bad dose of flu and I could quite happily chop my toes off. I want to scream sometimes when people say oh I know how you feel I've got arthritis in my big toe etc etc.

    Mate you've no idea how I feel. Grrrr

  • Hi Mishell - I am so sorry for all of this. Unfortunately, people don't know and don't understand, and many times they don't really care to. It is too much effort. Just laugh inside at their ignorance, then vent either to friends and / or family and / or here.

  • Sometimes, saying that you have "rheumatoid disease" and leave out the arthritis word, seems to stop people thinking that it's just the everyday arthritis that many have in an age related way. Mind you, that's fairly uncomfortable,too.

  • I've started calling it Rheumatoid Disease.. And you are right. It has caused a few to stop and question...

  • Welcome to the site...I remember just "sucking up" the advice of well meaning people when they told me how to cure RA. I would smile at them and then go off by myself and cry. Now I just politely say,

    " Do you know how rude that statement is? I'll forgive you this time, but I wont forgive you next time"

    Saying something like that usually makes the kind person apologize and then they educate themselves. Our friendship carries on........The people that don't apologize,,,,well it's better to weed out your friends now. Why waste your time talking and trying to educate a fool? RA has forced me to be strong on what I will accept & what I wont.

    All the best to you


  • Nobody knows the pain we suffer especially when u have flare ups with RA x

  • I think you have written for all of us Mishell!

    I read once a description of how a flare in the hands felt and I use it to tell people what I am suffering.

    I say it's as if overnight someone has wrapped both your hands in plastic bags and then smashed them to pieces with a hammer!

    As you describe, ' why would you want to move/exercise something that feels broken'

    Wishing you the very best and good luck on your journey. You have had some great advice in the above posts.

    There is much hope now and however rotten it is at the beginning you will get relief I promise.

    Don't be a stranger , please come back and share your experiences.


  • I completely understand! My toes get like that too! I thought I was the only one! Sometimes it doesn't affect both feet or all of my toes. I have had it affect all my toes in both feet and it's extremely painful. I tell people I know they are not broken, but it feels like they are. My family and 2 coworkers understand but that's it. I know your frustration and anger. Sometimes I feel like slapping people and calling them ignorant. However, it still wouldn't change them, their views, understanding, or comments. So, I generally keep it to myself, and share with those that understand.

    Do some of your toes or all one one foot get red, swollen, and hot but on your other foot it looks normal? I have pictures where it looks like 2 completely different feet. Weird I'm on methotrexate and sulfasalazine

    I hope things get better for you.


  • Thanks for all the kind words of understanding. I have only been diagnosed for a short time a could already write a book about all the things people say I should do. I know they are trying to help, but it's getting old. And Lisa my toes don't look swollen. They mostly burn and pinch. It's mostly on my right foot and all the little toes. Today my elbows feel weird like when you hit your funny bone and get that numb tingling feeling annoying mostly. My wrist gets it the worst. I am wondering if it's because I had broke it 10 years ago. I am thankful for this site already. I don't feel so alone :)

  • Ah, you are never alone now, even in the middle of the night when everyone in your household is sleeping. There is always someone able to chat with you. :)

You may also like...