Nicola Sturgeon is doing a great job. She appears every day, she leads the people, she has genuine empathy.
I really want to follow the shielding guidelines, but I can't any longer. I live alone. My life, since retirement, has always been filled with meetings and activities with friends and family, some travel too, all of which made living alone good. However, in lockdown it has become unbearable for me. Normally optimistic and a count my blessings kind of person, and having isolated since 17 March, I am finding that the moments of tearfulness are becoming too regular. I need to alleviate this somehow. So I am sorry but I am not following the guidelines. I need to see other human beings in different settings.
I know what real depression looks and feels like, I have been there just once before. It is something I don't want to revisit. I am not being dramatic but I when taking your own life feels like the only option, you know you have reached the depths. I am not there yet, I don't want to be there ever again. I have personally witnessed what a suicide can do to a family, and I wouldn't want to do that to mine. So to protect myself, my family and my friends from that - I am releasing myself.
Of course, I will be very careful, I won't go to any supermarkets, but I will go to less busy places and local businesses. I will meet friends in parks for SD chats and walk on the beach with other friends.
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Brushwork
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All of the guidelines are that - guidelines. We all have to make decisions based on our personal circumstances and only we know what those are. Mental health is as important as physical and it's worrying to think that there may be a serious fall out from the lock down in the mental health of many people.
I made the decision from the beginning to strictly social distance rather than shield - the thought of shielding really made my anxiety levels rise and as in your case, I've been there before... I'm mixing much less (some working from home and a lot of work postponed/cancelled) but have been going out for walks with hubby and dog and going in local shops when they're quiet. Hand washing, yes but no washing of shopping etc. I would never suggest that others should do the same, I've just made the decision to do what's right for me.
I don't have to shield myself but I have friends locally that do (in England).
I have been going for a walk in the park with one of them for the last month, keeping distance etc. and visiting another I her garden. We haven't had parties and barbeques or travelled long distances and I've had very little contact with anyone myself since the middle of March. So we have 'breached' the guidance, but they were going loopy!
Well done Brushwork for shielding for this long and for looking after your mental health. You don’t need to say sorry, we all have to decide for ourselves what we need to do and as has already been said it’s only guidelines. Enjoy your safe walks and chats and I hope it helps you.
I feel for you, knowing myself how difficult this strict shielding has been for me too.
I am still not meeting others but am getting one walk a day to stay sane and prevent further health issues related to lack of activity.
And shielding, although advised as the ‘best’ course of action, is a lengthy torture of isolation for me too.
I have experienced very severe depression in the past, would not wish it on anyone or desire a repeat! And shielding is not compulsory, just said to be ‘the safest’ option for us.
I am remaining very careful, using a mask if necessary.
Please, don’t yet meet anyone indoors even 2m apart... indoors is indeed the environment that is riskiest. But if both wear masks and keep that 2m distance, and your get together is short, it would be much less risky.
I can share your feelings. I'm very much a 'people person' usually busy going to things every day outside the home. I got a shielding letter almost immediately, but looked up the risks and decided to socially distance and take careful precautions.
I go out for walks and am pleased that most of the runners swerve past at a distance. But a few days ago I had to turn and face into the hedge while two young girls in their teens decided to walk past between me and another couple coming in the opposite direction, reducing the distance to nothing - but then I reasoned that momentary exhalations as they passed would be of minimal danger and to stop feeling angry. They were probably irritated as I was walking more slowly than they wanted to go. And I do avoid Sundays as it has proved to be the busiest day.
I quite often see my neighbours and other local friends and can stop and have a distanced chat. It really makes a difference to my mental health to do this - and be able to see further than the hedge at the bottom of my garden.
I think 'shielders' have to make their own decisions for what is best for them. Risk is something we all have to live with every day.
I haven’t shielded at all, it’s not done here. Although had I been in England I would probably have got a letter as on 2 drugs plus heart & lung weaknesses.
And I know I could never have shielded anyway, it would have driven me into a bad mental place and I don’t know how you are all doing it! So I’ve been going out from the start, but carefully. Including a daily walk, which I now do with friends sometimes and we go on wide paths so can spread out. My GP gave me medical grade masks, and I use them to go into shops - including supermarkets. I put my mask on before I get out of the car, don’t touch it, and take it off when I get back to the car. Hand cleaning several times as I go in and out of places.
Although generally doing most things online, including video rheumy appt and zoom meetings, I’ve been to my doctors, the vets, and for the first time this week even out for a coffee at an outdoor café.
Restaurants opened here this week, and friends who have been out to eat say it is well managed. You have to wear a mask until you get to your table, which are well spaced out, and the menu is on the wall or sent to your phone, etc etc. So we’ll probably give one a try next week.
Mental health is so important, and for me it’s worth taking a small extra risk.
Good for you Brushwork....it’s your life. You live it just the way you want that makes you happy.
I too am long retired, I live alone, & have lived by my own & my rheumatologist’s rules since day one of Shielding, Isolating ...living sensibly.
I am a sensible adult, & I expect to be treated like one.
I am careful, my neighbour has done the bulk of my shopping,..I do pop in to local shops...most are less busy at different times...& I do speak to friends I meet when I am out, & I have gone & will go for drives.
I do wash my hands..but not the cornflake boxes....I don’t quarantine my mail, I read it when it arrives.....I’m sure if the virus lived on letters...we would be missing a lot of postmen....& we don’t seem to be!
I do think most people are reasonably hygienic in their own homes.
Maybe I have given the car door handles an extra antiseptic wipe...but as I’m the only one in my house I don’t go around sanitising everything in sight.
Most important I don’t feel guilty that I’m not walking around with a rule book telling me the bl****** obvious!
As far as I can make out, it doesn’t tell me anything I didn’t know in the first place.
So enjoy your walks & chats with friends .......& don’t let anyone make you feel as if you are doing anything wrong, by living your life sensibly the way you are.
Enjoy you life BW ....lucky you living near a beach.....
I open my post and don’t wash my shopping either. Some people think I’m crazy. One of my friends has a disinfectant area and leaves things for two days.
I cannot live my life like that and anyway, there will be lapses which makes the whole process pointless.
If things are proving that bad then you need to decide on the balance of risk you are willing to accept. It’s tough.
I am shielding but before I got shielding letter I was doing strict social distancing. Unfortunately I found walks stressful as others were not adhering to social distancing, especially joggers and cyclists.
I think my next stage will be a run in the car to a local spot to get out.
I have gone out for 2 daily walks all through shielding. The first brief walk around 7.30am then a later walk in the afternoon. I walk away from my local town to reduce possible contact. I needed this to maintain my mental health. I make a point to telephone a friend once a day too. I have recently been to a garden centre at 9 15am on a dull day. Was lovely, quiet and could browse. Be safe, wear a mask, wash hands keep 2m apart.
Good on you! Common sense is a wonderful thing.......we must do what makes life bearable......not live by a check list.....& be miserable.
Of course we must keep in contact with friends......by phone .....or meet for a walk at a safe distance. I walk a bit...but mostly I go for drives....I have found some lovely areas that I will definitely explore more one day.
If I sat at home 24/7 my imagination would run wild & l would convince myself every twinge was a symptom of something dire....not a good idea at a time like we are passing through.
I am so sorry you are having such problems. I do understand. It is getting more and more difficult as time goes on. It does sound like you are getting depressed and wonder if you have contacted anyone e.g. local church or the Samaritans for support. They are there to help people in your circumstances. Either of them will treat your calls,and concerns with complete confidence and will speak to you time and time again. I don't know which part of the country you live in but I think that if you adhere to the strict social distancing and use gels, mask and washing hands etc and don't go to crowded places you can't do more than that. Your mental health, as well as physical health, needs to be addressed. I wish you well. God bless.
I am well supported and I have studied elements of psychology. It’s because I’m self aware that I was able to write the post and recognise the dangers of depression. I wanted to share my feelings, my personal experience and struggles.
I too am meant to be shielding however I too have been going out twice a week for a walk or to go to shops. Nicola sturgeon has been a very visible leader in all of this and speaks sense but staying in a flat with not much room lack of exercise is bad for RA. Especially being told it’s to continue till end of July. Motion is lotion in my case therefore my educated decision to go out twice a week has maintained my mental health and a bit of exercise whilst keeping largely to the rules. I have met two friends throughout all of this and not every week although I FaceTime family and friends daily. I think all shielding people have to do what they feel is right for them and not exacerbate their condition. Best wishes all
Hello Brushwork,
It's not just you. I often found myself tearful for no immediate reason in the early days of deprivation of my normally fulfilling life -and I live with my loving, supportive husband. When I went to the hospital for a blood test last month, the nurse told me she also sometimes cried out of the blue. I think it's actually a perfectly sensible response to the situation. I last saw my children at the end of January and, for all I know, it may be next January or even later before I see them again. Nobody can tell me I should feel OK about that. However, I find the tears come less often now. Maybe resignation has set in, but that doesn't feel great either.
The scientists tell us the risks are much less out of doors and the benefits are enormous, so go. Wear a mask and keep your distance and do plenty of hand washing/gel. Chat to people from a distance. I think you've made a good decision.
I too have been through some weeks of a despairing depression and sense of pointlessness, that brought me close to the young suicidal me of many years ago.
Like you I would not act, because I would not inflict that pain on others, but I did find the discovery that I still had that emptiness within in me very frightening.
You know how to heal yourself, you care for the welfare of everyone else, so feel entitled and so the things you can safely do to recover.
I couldn’t find a way to share how I felt without causing pain to others, so thank you for letting me feel like I could do this in a positive way.
Hi Brushwork, I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling so low. Like you I am in Scotland and have been shielding for weeks together with my very disabled husband and we have now been told shielding will continue until the end of July. Although I don't live alone like you, I am alone/lonely as my husband sustained a brain injury from a near fatal stroke and is still very confused - he also has severe COPD and is in remission for lung cancer so this period has been very frightening and confusing for him plus with me having RA (only recently diagnosed) it's been really difficult being his carer when there's no social outlet/respite holidays etc. Prior to COVID-19 I kept my life full and busy like you, but I do have a long history of clinical depression and anxiety with panic attacks, and last summer I had a serious breakdown in my mental health as a result of being bullied by my Manager at work - I've actually been isolating before it became fashionable! At one point I got so low that I was even googling 'how much does it cost to go to Dignitas?' (which greatly upset my elderly mother) as I felt I had reached rock bottom/life was pointless and too painful, however with increased medication and rest I managed to pull myself out of the black hole by joining some forums and private groups on Facebook etc based on things that interest me. So I feel now that although I am alone and cannot see my friends and family I have at least a group of online contacts with shared interests so posting stuff has become like chatting. I've also made a list of all the things I plan to do/places I am going to travel to once we are on the other side of this and have been doing lots of research on potential future holiday destinations etc. All this has been keeping me afloat mentally. I still have bad days where I feel my life has been stolen from me due to my RA and my husband's very poor health etc but these are definitely becoming less frequent so please please don't give up as we'll all be on the other side in the near future and appreciating more than ever all the good things we have in life. Hope this helps - take care of yourself. Pauline x
The first stage was being honest and open with everyone. I’ve let my family and friends know that I am struggling and releasing myself from the strict guidelines of shielding. I felt I owed it to them, and I want their support. I desperately didn’t want to feel I had let them down.
So now I just make a few small, safe changes and live a slightly better, more connected life.
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