Feeling sorry for myself : After being so well for... - NRAS


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Feeling sorry for myself


After being so well for 8 months im having a crazy flare up & struggling to cope. Just been signed of work for two wks but my colleagues are less than understanding im sure they think its not real !! Ive got steroids gor nxt 3 wks so hope to feel improvement soon ... i get quite low & find it hard to explain myself at work...the level of understanding & support isnt great.sorry for moaning !

25 Replies

Found it useful to print off leaflets from NRAS website and give them to line managers and HR Dept

cabbie in reply to PJ1163

thanks that's a great idea..i always get flustered and don't explain myself properly.

PJ1163 in reply to cabbie

Think of it more as educating rather than explaining yourself.

cabbie in reply to PJ1163

& not just my personal feelings..the whole picture. Thanks again.

Hidden in reply to cabbie

NRAS do a really good booklet for employers. It is a disability under equalities act & they should be open to making reasonable allowances for you. Good luck x

Leviset in reply to Hidden

That’s the one my HSBC Line Manager threw in the bin He also phoned me at home one time when I was doing my last few months taking redundancy and early retirement because my Doctor had put me back on the sick until I left. He was very annoyed because he wanted me back at work for 3 months to train up my replacement! He actually said “These GPs can be a little disingenuous with the truth sometimes”. I said “perhaps you should have read that RA information pack I gave you rather than toss it in the bin”.

I thought about what he had said and managed to speak to my GP. She was absolutely furious and asked for his name and contact number. What I didn’t know was she found a phone contact for his Line Manager who was an IT Director. I was advised to put in an official complaint, which my wife did.

He denied using the word “disingenuous” - although I’m post graduate educated, the word “disingenuous” is not part of my normal day to day vocabulary even though I’ve got ‘O’ Level Latin.

To cut a long story short, the day before the Industrial Tribunal at 17:00 HSBC’s Barristers (did they splash the cash) they caved in, offered a written apology and compensation. I only asked for the £200 we’d spent on our humble solicitor. Bit like Phillip Green they cautioned me that I’d to remain silent under a gagging order or they would remove the redundancy and early retirement offer - this was 2004. There have many hundreds of infusions, pills and potions since then. I think I must now have RA of the brain which has left me forgetting about the “gagging order”.

Hidden in reply to Leviset

That’s absolutely disgusting leviset & good for you for taking it further although stress is the last thing you need with this, it seems to happen a lot with all the various assessments etc. Before the 2010 equalities act but so much for all these caring, inclusive bank ads they love to pump out lately. Glad they found in your favour x

I feel your pain, i always find that my collegues and managers don't fully understand my condition even tho ive explained it thousands of times and it sometimes feels like they dont believe me, it can be really annoying as you start to think " am i just moning about nothing" even tho you know you aint just because it isnt as visible as alot of disabilities doesnt mean it isnt there. Dont appologise for moaning :)

pauluk60 in reply to emma88

Its hard to get those close to understand so unless your work buddies are very understanding where i worked they used to give you "light work" with the guys lifting and loading heavy tackle they "loved"you no as emma says don't apologize in fact let rip

cabbie in reply to pauluk60

you & Emma made me smile... im doing this the wrong way maybe i need to stand up for myself alot more 😀

I’m struggling with this too as I have been signed off work and I’m in a very busy period where no one covers for me so whether I’m at work or not I’m expected to have done my work. My colleagues and in particular my boss are far from understanding but I have to take my own advice here and we have to think of our health and not worry about whether or not someone’s understanding. I’m fed up of explaining myself too. The leaflet idea is a good one. Hope you’re feeling better soon and the steroids help. xxx

cabbie in reply to sjhewitt42

Thankyou & I'm sorry to hear its a problem for you too...it becomes just a other thing to try and cope with. It's really lovely to have advice . Take care x


We’re allowed to feel sorry for ourselves, I think. This horrible disease just gets so wearing and you’re right, so few people even come close to understanding how it gets to you. I’ve had a wrist flare (again) and knee (again) since August and the hospital rang yesterday to tell me I could have my fluoroscopy on Tuesday. Anyone would have thought I’d won the lottery! Finally I get to use my left hand again. Next job - get the knee fixed. Fingers crossed.

cabbie in reply to Hidden

I hope you get your knee looked at soon ...it seems no one understands except someone who has lived with it .

You have a doctor who has signed you off, what do they not understand about that ?! Doctors don't just sign you off for nothing !

I printed off the employers guide and gave it to the HR man, but yes I know what you mean because you don't look ill people assume that you aren't ill - frustrating.

Try not to worry about it and relax.

sjhewitt42 in reply to Rubyroo1

I agree my boss even said to me “well, you look ok”. Thank god we have empathy on here. xxxx

I totally empathise with you. Most of my colleagues dont give a hoot and probably dont believe me...still, thats their problem; though i think more people are too wrapped up in their own woes to worry about a work colleague who is ill. I m lucky in that I have a supportive partner who encouraged me to stay at home and focus on my health. Sod them all mate. If your not well - tough. Its a disabilty.

cabbie in reply to TheBoys

Thanks all this support has really made me smile ☺

Hi what they can't feel they can't understand if they had they would understand how awful RA is

I worked for the NHS for 10 years I absolutely loved my job but I was forced to retire at 49 on ill health grounds. At my tribunal it was as though I had never worked there although I was always honest with them and worked far harder than those who didn’t have a disability. I feel for you because it broke my heart having to leave. However 3 years on my health is much better because I don’t have to struggle with work and although my RA isn’t better being able to look after myself has done me the world of good without the stress. I really hope the steroids work for you and you’re physically and mentally able to stand up for yourself again. I would definitely get the leaflets from NRAS and pass them on to all your colleagues not just your boss. At the moment your health is what matters not insensitive idiot bosses.

i work at a university where the emphasis is on being fair & equal however the hours of work & commitment seem to be suddenly forgotten when i am ill....its not a lifestyle choice its so lowering..i feel so much for the way you & everyone else has been treated its heartbreaking.

Not moaning, just saying how it is. I hope you get back to your previous good health very soon. Hugs


Dear cabbie,

First of all- if you can't Moan, to us, who can you moan to? We all have bad days....You have been awake, seemingly ALL night, certainly at 2:21, 3:45, 6:17, then you f..king Oversleep! The shower is Stuck, on 'Boiling', the Kettle has Packed Up, the cat Pood- all over- the 'Best' rug- meantime YOU can't 'Go', at all. Your neighbour wants to Borrow, your lawn mower- at 8:37- and 'where the Heck is that... 'thing', the one, with the handles...you know....!' The, stupid s-dding, car won't start, your head is 'Pounding'...……..!

So yes DO moan, complain, let off steam, express yourself indeed whatever is necessary to help you Cope. We are ALL here listening and, I promise, will do Our Best to help. I have just, got back, from Holiday. It was, very good, relaxing and my F..king BACK was MURDER!

Please be assured, that we, won't laugh, make fun of you or, in any way, deliberately 'Upset' you. We WILL, try to, advise, assist, pray for and assist you.

Kindest wishes


cabbie in reply to AndrewT

😁 just what i needed thankyou

Hi, I noticed your about 2 miles from me. I would like to meet people personally as it feels a bit impersonal via messages and my hands hurt to type now. I have been signed off work now as I can no longer do the job. My feet are badly affected. Would really like to make friends with Others in the same situation perhaps meeting up for a cuppa. Take care chat soon hopefully. 😀

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