I know it's pretty obvious that RA goes hand in hand with being depressed but I can't seem to see a bright side to anything right now. Crying all the time. Even the prospect of owning a new home soon fills me with terror. How can I pay for it when I have no income? How can I do all the jobs that need doing when I can't even hold a pen. I'm going to be more alone than ever in a new house with no one to help, no furniture, no heating... yet I'm so far into the process and have spent so much money I'm stuck. I don't even know if I will like it when I see it again. Only had two viewings and it needs so much work. To make matters worse, none of my friends or family are around me because it's a new town and new faces. Someone suggested a painting party but I have no one to invite. I'm terrified of my future.
Unhealthy crying. : I know it's pretty obvious that RA... - NRAS
Unhealthy crying.
Hi Jules
It sounds like you have an awful lot going on for you at the
Minute- no wonder you’re feeling so down.
It also sounds like life changing stuff?
Is there anyone you know, close to where you’ll be living? Is there any means of support you can access? Clearly I don’t know your situation so can’t suggest specific agencies.
Would it be helpful, in terms of your immediate emotional health to speak with your gp ? It’s sometimes easier to deal with practical things if we feel in a more stable place emotionally.
I do feel for you and wish I was able to offer something more tangible.
Marie
My gp is being great. Very supportive but doesn't help me financially. Also suggested benefits but having gone through the paperwork and talked to advisers I'm only eligible for £77 a week. My outgoings are £400 a week. But until I can use my right hand again, I can't work.
There are a few people near me who I can talk to but as I say they are new friends and I don't want to bog them down with so much shit when I'm forming a friendship.
Jules, if the rheumy/nurse can see your hand is swollen and seized with inflammation, I'd put money on them arranging for you to have a steroid shot to the wrist which will give a lot of relief and movement. Take down the swellings. If you tell them you are unable to work due to it they are likely to be more inclined to ask for it ASAP. You just need to immobilise it for 24 hours or at least the remainder of the day after having it. I've had to do it several times when flares prevented me from doing art/printmaking for my degrees/work. Give it a try! xx
I'm on oral steroids but not a shot straight to my hand. I only saw the rheumy last week. She said nothing about trying anything else. That I had to give the pills another month. She knows I'm not working. X
Jules your not alone hun I’m in exactly the same boat ( other than being shoved into a council house ) .like you no one about family all far away but i know it’s not quite the same but look at all these amazing people ( me included ,sorry had to sneak that in there ) you have found on here !!! You get so many replies from people all over the world , how great is that !! . I’ve had neighbours that don’t even say hello yet I can have a full conversation with people all across the pond as they say . People who actually understand the hardship your going through , you can have a rant and a cry and a giggle which in someways is really nice ( beats having no one at all ) look at it this way , new house , new start , new beginning , who cares how long it takes you to get it how you want it , you’ll get there and one day you’ll look back at it all and say through all that shit I managed somehow to get through it and you’ll have a beautiful house . Plus painting and diy is a great stress relief method . Chin up Hun you’ll get there and when you need someone to chat or rant or yell at me and all the nice people on here will prop you back up xx
That's incredibly sweet and spot on with the support. But all the emotional support in the world doesn't pay the bills. I can't even paint and diy because I can't use my hands. I just don't know how I'm going to survive. Might have to turn around and sell it in 6 months as can't afford to live there. I can't live with my aged parents as they are too far away from everything. They are wonderful but the more they see me suffering the more ill and anxious they get. It will kill them seeing me like this.
Joni I just read some of your posts. God so we really are in the same boat. But you also have a daughter to support which must be so hard. Is she a support to you?? I hope so. I think that's what's so hard. Being alone alone.
I have two stroppy teenagers
What does stroppy mean?
Hia Suzanne,
It a strange word we use in the UK, it has meaning similar to pissy!
D
Thanks 
I think I just found a new nickname for my cat. lol
OMG THAT'S TOO FUNNY!
Stroppy just fits my cat's personality. Stroppy only allows you to pat her head 2 x before she bites you....not a friendly cat. Now I can call her this without my neighbour's knowing what it means
LOL, you are one funny chick Suzanne! I can just picture all that! X
It's a very good cat name. It's the shortened version for the word obstreperous. Meaning bad tempered. My father used to call me both obstreperous and obtuse. Xx
Hidden Deminem Jules13 I was thinking of this exchange today when I saw sassierbint had posted because it reminded me that I'd not seen 'bint' used in a long time. Nor besom come to think of it.
What on earth does besom mean? Silly bint. X
Besom: arts.gla.ac.uk/ScotLit/ASLS...
But in my childhood, it was used of both men and women who were churlish or reliably unpleasant to be around because they were foul tempered.
I love it. Reliably unpleasant is a hilarious description. X
Bolshy!!
There is nothing wrong with crying. Crying is so liberating. Crying releases your stress & anxieties. Helps you think better.
Moving to a new home is stressful enough without RA....but living alone, owning your first home that needs so much work while trying to control your RA is devistating. My heart is breaking for you. Have a good cry. Now it's time to think of all your options. Here is one option that I think you should look at.
How is the real estate market in the city that you live? How much has this property gone up since you signed the dotted line?
Before I go on, I must inform you that I live in Vancouver Canada..where the real estate is crazy..
If I were you, I'd look over my mortgage papers. In Vancouver you can purchase a property for $900k in August with a possesion date of November. Within these 3-4 months the property has gone up $50k-$75k. So if your housing market is "hot" people here can take the mortgage penalty and then resale the property.
You may walk away with an extra $25k- $50k in your pocket after paying the your mortgage penalty.
Just an idea, I wish you the best,
Sue
That's true. But in order to make a profit I need to be able to fix it a little. To fix what it's needs in the short term, I need money coming in. I could even get a lodger but I have to do the house up first, do you see? It's all the stuff initially.
Jules13 It does vary enormously but what Hidden says is spot on in some areas and would not require any fixing-up first - particularly if it's a hot enough area that a developer would be interested in purchasing it.
When Sarah Beeny used to advise people on property development on C4, she often observed that they'd have made more money by doing what Sue suggests than actually 'improving' it by the time they deducted the expense of that improvement.
With the housing market being so different throughout the UK this will vary enormously - I hope you've bought in a 'hot' area that would allow you to do this.
Well I have to get the boiler fixed otherwise I will be there with no heating. Everything else I can sort of live with I suppose. If I'm absolutely desperate then I would wait until spring to put it back on the market. It goes dead in Somerset over winter. Everyone hibernates!!!
Great advice given above, Jules. It will be difficult but you will have to take it at a steady pace and wait till you're feeling better for the decorating etc. You will have to plan it all and then get busy when your hand will allow. That will happen! xx. I am so slow at decorating and my hubby is very busy at work and not a DIY man, that things take ages or get left. We need a professional in to do ours.
Crying is often out of frustration too I think. It's not just feeling sad and scared. You want to feel better faster than the pace your body is going at. Every day seems so kong when you hurt so much. Also when something is new to you like this and your future seems very uncertain and you're bound to be upset. In the early days of my RA I went to physiotherapy three times a week as I was so bad. Could hardly hobble. I don't know how I got there but it made me feel so much better and my physio was/is an excellent guy - a rheumatology physio who is very optimistic and encouraging. He told me that once my muscles got strong they'd support the weak joints and I would do more physically and he was right. He gave me a lot of hope and was a very good friend to me too. Cannot say thank you enough to this guy. I wonder if you can get to see a physio to keep your movement and help your joints and stop then seizing so much.
What about getting a couple of friends to come over and stay the night and have a day's painting? You don't have to do the whole lot! Start with your lounge and your bedroom. My friend furnished her house with fantastic second hand furniture from eBay as after her divorce she didn't want to live with the majority of things her ex husband had bought or liked. She got some excellent things.
Hope you can get some sleep. I'm heading off there shortly.
Gentle hugs xxx
I'm in a new town so not really got that many friends yet, and I can hardly ask people I've just met to come and paint my new house. HahA. That would be funny though.
I'm just going to have to be patient. And wait until I can do it.
Ahh I thought you weren't so far from where you used to live. No that would be odd ... Hi I'm Jules .. Here's a paintbrush. Come to my house tomorrow as my I'm painting my lounge! 😁xx
Haha. Exactly.
No I moved out of London when I had to have a lower thigh and knee replacement last year. Had to move to my parents for 6 months. Then I decided I didn't want to go back to London so I started house hunting in Somerset. Gorgeous part of the world. But it's taken me 9 months to find a house!
I didn't realise you'd had surgery so recently. You've had quite a time of it. Huge gentle hugs. x
I know lack of sleep is not helping either. I wake up with my head spinning out of control with worry. I also worry that all my clients realise I'm ill and have found other freelancers. I thought I might be able to do 1 day next week so I phoned all the studios. Nothing. I'm usually turning down work but I think the rumours have circulated that I've become unreliable. Eek.
Can you ask maybe one of your clients that you know the best? I doubt if they've decided to boycott you as if your work isn't being affected and they are satisfied then why? I would definitely tell your consultant when you review the 12 weeks on your med about your hands and work situation and how the stress is impacting on everything and that you are single and moved house etc.
I cannot tell you the difference hydrocortisone injections made to my wrists when they were stiff and seized and my fingers swollen. No they won't get rid of your hand issues permanently as they are not a permanent solution, but they will let you use them more and do some work. They let me do my studies at college which were very full on. The hydrocortisone shots are not to be used instead of a RA med but they pave the way ..dampen the fire down for several weeks/a few months until a med starts working. Also the hand wax baths. Hold off to buy one till you've tried it at the hospital if you can. Worth a try to ask your consultant or nurse to refer you to the physio re your hands be in general. They will give you (realistic) exercises you can do. I'd leave a message on the helpline asking for a referral ASAP to physio. Say you are losing work and can't stop working to wait for the med to work at the mo. I know you don't want to tell people close to you and I'm very stiff upper lip and let's battle on with things, but sometimes you have to let them know. You can tone it down accordingly so you don't have to tell them all, but it will help them understand what is happening to you. That until a medication is working well you are rather compromised with certain things. That it is a systemic problem which makes people exhausted. I had many people thinking me lazy!! That was a huge insult.
I didn't like to own up to all my problems with my Mum passing and her probate and hours sale and crazy SIL (yuk) a couple of years ago as you feel you are complaining to them but they need to know the levels of stress. Being quite upbeat I never liked to say I felt so bad. That was my downfall as when I needed to address things I would think .. I'm OK. Hopefully the med starts to work in the next few weeks or they talk with you about another med to add or replace and can get you started with that. xx
I just had an even bigger blow. I had to find somewhere else to stay this week as my flatmate had her boyfriend staying. Was supposed to stay with a cousin but she came down with flu so I couldn't be around that. I asked my sister if I could stay, just for one night. She said no. My own sister said she couldn't deal with my problems at the moment (she is about to have a partial hysterectomy in a few weeks time) as well as her own. I had to go and stay in a dodgy pub by the motorway. I am so ashamed of her behaviour I haven't told anyone... that she literally still won't see how ill I am and refused to give me a bed for one night.
I think I'm getting paranoid about everything. Work, friends, family. Feeling like the world is against me.
I'm sorry Jules you had to move out so your friend's boyfriend could stay. Hugs. Also that your sister is unable to help. 😖 I think it would help you if you could be face to face with someone you could talk to. I sense you are how I was, holding a lot back emotionally and putting on a brave face. It might be an idea to let it go and feel relieved. I don't mean bawling the place down, but when I saw the psychiatrist he did exercises with me to banish the person who I believe was partially responsible for my RA coming on with such a bang. I was overworked and treated appallingly (12/14 hour days and no help or thanks) so I had to exorcise my boss. We did lots of banishing negativity and anger and I felt much better. Took six sessions. He said I was extremely sane .. The boss wasn't.
I was also grieving for myself .. The athlete .. the sportswoman that RA had taken. I know when I had my RA diagnosed I was bewildered and very unwell. My physio and rheumy referred me to the psychiatrist. Not because I went crazy but because I had such a lot of anxiety beyond what the rheumy could do. I wish you could speak to someone impartial and experienced to talk things out. Family and close friends can't always help as they tend to want to hug you and say things to help .. Which often don't! My late Mum was ace as she'd just say most days .. Get yourself round for lunch in a taxi if you can (when I was too seized up to drive.) She would never say the wrong thing but didn't understand it at first as I didn't so couldn't explain. Ah bless her she was amazing.
Jules, I wish you would ask your GP if you can talk to someone about your stress. Let them know how immense it has got. xx
Trouble is it takes 3 months on the NHS for a referral. I have a psychotherapist i saw a few years ago but she costs £70 a session and it sounds like you are talking about a cognitive behavioural therapist. Is that right?
I am in mourning from my surgery last year too. It has prevented me from doing so much because of the nature of the implant in my thigh and knee. No more tennis, skiing, anything with twisting basically. I miss my fit physical self. I can't even do floor yoga or Pilates because I can't kneel on it anymore. So I am grieving the loss of that too. I know I need help I just don't know how I can afford it. Or wait 3 months. Xxxx
Sounds to me like you are way over your head and may be making things worse for yourself. You might want to rethink your situation.
I would love to rethink the situation but I haven't had a home in 8 months. Have been staying in bnb's, airbnb's, friends and family spare rooms while I house hunt and juggle work. The last few months I've rented a room from a friend but that ends October 31st. I need a home desperately. The RA has come at the worst possible time because the stress is overwhelming but I still think it will be better than not having somewhere to live. X
It's very difficult to comment here Jules as we don't have the whole picture , but I do wonder if the suggestion that you reconsider the situation isn't a wise one. Hard though it is when you've already spent so much money on conveyancing, I wonder is this the right time to move? I've gone through some major changes in my life in the last few years and now work on the basis that a. Stress does nothing to help AI illnesses and b. Clinging onto a plan in the face of all evidence to the contrary is rarely a good idea. My experience is that life has a funny way of working out if we learn to trust and go with what's happening - even when that's this wretched illness. Wishing you all the best and take care, E x
Hi there. I just wrote a reply above that explains things a bit better. I'm hoping just being in one place, even if the new house is a wreck, will make my life easier, than driving around the place trying to find somewhere to stay all the time. I'm a cancerian who is a homebody. Not having somewhere to call home is the worst thing for me. So I'm weighing up that against pulling out on the house sale, losing over £1600 in the process, and being back to square one with nowhere to live. It's a tricky one.
Hi Jules13
Reading your plight
Just wondered whether you live in the UK. If you do you might have access to a counselling service. You need to wait a while for a face to face appointment but you can speak to someone over the phone which I found helpful.
You may need to get the referral through your GP and they should give you a contact number.
In my area south Essex there is therapy for you. You can refer yourself. But I'm not sure if other areas do it. I would have thought so.
Hope you get the help you need
Matilda x
Yes that's a good idea. I end up breaking down in front of my doctors and specialists because it's a safe place. I can't cry in front of my friends and family because it distresses them too much. We are quite an old school English family. Stiff upper lip and all that which is not helpful. So an outlet is really hard. That's why this helps so much. X
That is a tricky one Jules and I hear you on the home front as I'm the same. The suggestion of a counsellor sounds like a good one, but it sounds like time might not be on your side. Do you have a friend who would discuss this with you in a way that gets you to a deeper understanding of what's right for you rather than feeling they have to come up with an answer? X
Are you taking on more than you can chew and therefore putting yourself under unnecessary pressure. You're expecting a lot of yourself. I think a step back and reevaluate your situation. Why did you choose to move to a new town - in need of a fresh start ?
I had a thigh and knee replacement last year and had to move back to my parents house for 6 months. Realised I loved being back in the countryside. Didn't miss London at all. Had a few relatives and friends in Somerset so thought why not. I had been in London for 20 years. That was enough.
The short answer is yes. I have taken on too much. It's just unfortunate I'm ill at the same time. X
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