It is still endless rain and pain. Nothing I can do about either. I am torn between wanting interaction and growing agoraphobia. The more time I spend by myself the more difficult it is to want to leave. I only go out to doctors, tests and treatments. I know this will sound odd but I am frustrated the inflammation remains so low .06. It seems the doctors only respond to that number. Despite the lack of inflammation there continues to be disease activity. Severe fatigue, confusion and burning pain in hips, elbows, feet, hands, shoulders Ext... it simply feels like the calm before the storm. We seem to all be waiting for the next storm. I just want to get on with it. If this is as good as it gets then what is the point? I have grown children who are fortunately, well adjusted. I am so so tired. It seems impossible to get joy out of life. I need to feel useful again. I just cannot find the strength to start over. I can barely manage personal higene and meals I certainly could not contemplate a regular job. How do you all manage work with disability. I hate the stage I find myself in. Waiting for next big crisis. If we had a crystal ball perhaps lol Sorry for whining.I just feel sad.