My brother thinks I make it up!

This happens weekly and each time I get upset and frustrated.

My brother will rough me up (as older brothers do), he grabs my feet, or stands on them. Regardless of my feet continuously flaring.

Tonight he grabbed my foot and slammed it to the floor, I shouted and got upset because yet again he had hurt my already flarey feet.

Following this, he said he didn't care and that I make it all up.

Why won't anyone understand and support me? What am I supposed to do?

23 Replies

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  • I feel very sorry for you, why does he have this attitude? How old is he? It hurts terrible when people don't believe you! Pay hem back, give him a big punch in his face,and tell him he is pathetic the way he act. He is the pathetic guy, and you are the strong woman!

  • Personally I would knock him out but maybe you should threaten him with the police as this Is a disability hate crime and he could go to prison for. It must hurt like hell and he's nothing more than a big bully.

  • Could someone else in the family have a word with him and try to get him to lay off? M x

  • He definitely has issues - probably low self esteem most bullies do & jealous of you geting more attention than he does thats why he has to dismiss your pain. Slap him on the back of his head & threaten him with more when he falls asleep (if you get the chance).

    I say if any man tries to attack, assault or abuse me I will hit him over the head with a frying pan while he is asleep so he will be afraid to ever close his eyes again while I am there.

    "Whats good for the goose is good for the gander"

    I know people will say "you shouldn't threaten violence with violence" but I wonder if they suffer with the pain of RA. You have to stick up for yourself girl. Girl.power xx

  • phone the police - its domestic violence - it will scare him to death and he wont do it again -I promise you x

  • How old is he??? Reading about his behaviour he sounds about 7 years old - but if he's your older brother that can't be? He needs to grow up.

    Is there an understanding adult who can talk to him and explain your situation? If he's ever in a good mood, get him to read up about RA and other autoimmune conditions online. Could he accompany you to an appointment where the doctor could explain things to him?

    Tell him that as your brother he may well also share the genes making him susceptible to autoimmune disease.

    Maybe he himself is afraid of what is happening to you, but as some males he cannot express properly how he feels?

    If he is a teenager - or adult - and does not himself suffer from any mental illness making it impossible for him to understand, then this is domestic abuse. It is a crime, and he should be made aware of this, and the authorities need to be involved.

  • The way your brother is behaving towards you, is totally unacceptable. Has he always been like this, or is it since your diagnosis and he sees you as an easy target.

    I am assuming you are both young? Do you have a parent an older relative whom he would really listen to?

    You have options, you could contact the specialist domestic violence team at your local police station. What about your GP is he empathetic towards RA and if so would your brother be willing to go with you to see him, so the impact and the consequences of his actions are explained to him. This is probably a long shot given how he is treating you.

    I am sure his street credibility would be 0 if his friends knew he was such a wimp he inflicted pain on others.

    Please do not tolerate this abuse any longer, it will only get worse.

  • How old is he, in his 20's I'm guessing? He shouldn't be roughing you up at his age, he needs to grow up. Your poor feet! Ouch! I feel your pain! I could understand it if he was about 5.

    Tell an older adult in the family, and if that doesn't work, as others have said, phone a domestic abuse line, social services or the police. Give your brother one warning that you'll do this if he touches you again. He's a brat and a bully and your feet are relying on you to protect them.

    Don't feel bad about 'dobbing him' if he doesn't stop. If a stranger did that to you, they'd be charged with assault and so should he if he doesn't stop it.

    Good luck!

    xxxx

  • I agree with everything said. Your brother is a bully. And no, this is not 'what older brothers do'. Maybe in fun when they are children but certainly not as they get older. Any decent sibling would want to help not cause you pain. I hope someone in your family can step in, otherwise report him. He deserves it.

  • Report him now

  • Hi IzzyJane, Im so sorry this is happening to you.

    I have two boys aged 16 and 21, and often have a house full of boys, so I know a lot about young males' behaviour. It's fairly normal for there to be aggressive banter between teens and 20-something's, but at this age it should not be physical. Sometimes there still is, because young men are still learning and get it wrong, and then they need telling. Sometimes they say things like "I don't care!" because they don't like to admit they're wrong, but they know they are. They can find it hard to control themselves, but that's what growing up is about. Little boys may be excused, but men can't be violent and expect to get away with it. Your big bro needs to grow up quickly: he can now only be physical with someone else who fully consents, and with anyone else it's assault. What he is doing to you is definitely assault, and you have a right to be protected from it. You do NOT have to live with it or put up with it.

    You can get help to stop it if your brother can't stop himself - from the police if necessary, who will take it seriously. I speak from experience because I had to call the police to deal with my then 17 year-old son who was aggressive several times and eventually hit me, and they were very supportive, and arrested him... And it never happened again.

    If there's a responsible parent around in your family who you can talk to, tell them you need this violence to stop. Tell them that you have decided you will call the police if your brother does it again. If there isn't a helpful parent about, you could talk directly to your brother. Tell him it has to stop. Tell him it's assault. Tell him that if he can't control himself, you'll call the police. But you don't have to give him this kind of warning. You don't have to talk to him. If you think it might provoke another attack if you do, then it's probably best *not* to try to talk to him. You can just call the police next time it happens.

    The most difficult step, if you've been living with this kind of violence, is to *believe* that it's not ok and you deserve better. If it's been happening for a while, and your family have acted like its normal, you'll feel you are in the wrong and causing trouble if you complain or try to stop it. You're not. Not even if your family tells you you are.

    If you need more support, call Women's Aid. You can find your local support by googling that plus the name of your nearest town or city. They will help you.

  • Hi Izzy,

    You've definitely had a couple of rough months.... Your RA will eventually settle down once the right med regime for you is in place but alas I suspect you're brother won't and I also suspect there's no one there to really protect you else he wouldn't be doing this in the first place so you will need to 'reach out' for support - do you have grand parents or other relatives who you feel that you can 'holiday' with for some respite. Ring the NRAS help line they will have some sound advice for you, speak to your GP and also it might be worth asking for some counselling support for dealing with your RA (loads of us here use counselling and therapist - in the East Midlands there's a service called 'let's talk' which you can refer your self to and your local library will probably have local contact details or the citizens advice place).

    You can actually speak to your local police and ask for advice if you wish to explore that route - at this stage you do not have to put a formal complaint in - I've done it myself about an isolated incident beyond the home and they advised me and offered to make it 'official' if I wanted to but it got resolved to my satisfaction without that step being taken.

    It's hard and it's scary right now in so many ways but you have taken the first step of self protection by talking to us here so please stay brave for yourself and take another step towards self help by finding some one closer to home to confide in - preferably a professional who will listen to you in confidence and know that we are all here for you with huge hugs and buckets of courage

    All the best

    Ali

  • he is a bully and a nasty one at that, it assault and can even be classed a hate crime. You need either to report him for assault, or seek legal advice as to having restraining order put in place, do you live together or are you in your own place. you also need to contact your local authority/domestic violence unit, today if poss and explain your situation you are not alone nor are you making it up. stay safe Craig

  • Hi izzy

    Sorry to hear you're having sibling issues.

    One thing you could try - show him this thread. If he sees that the consensus is he is a bully and could easily be reported to the police, it might make him realise that his behaviour is unacceptable.

    If that doesn't work then maybe you will need to escalate it, either through the family or externally with the authorities.

    You don't have to put up with this though.

    Good luck. Brothers can be tw4ts sometimes. 😉 (just ask my sister)

    Ade

  • Amen sister, I have an older sister who says I'm lazy and that I should run around with my little boy and work full time, life is a never ending guilt trip from her.

  • Maybe when your young older brother's pick on their sister but not to physical hurt them that's hate and he needs help i have a older Brother who is 36 im 34 and when we were kids he used to pick on me for fun but never to hurt me he was my protector if anyone tried to hurt me they answer to him now that i have this dieseas he is and always has been very supportive and my best friend that's how an older Brother should be! You need to do something now before he does something worse to you.

  • You've been given lots of sensible & good advice but I'm a little more reactive. Thinks it's funny does he? Well, threaten him you'll kick him where it hurts then maybe it'll make him stop & think, then he'll have some idea of how much he's hurting you. He's some growing up to do hasn't he?! He knows he's hurting you, it's not being done in fun, you're not littlies any more. Are your parents aware how he is with you, it's my guess he doesn't do it in front of them. Sowing the seed that RD can run in families may make him think twice too. Whatever you do don't just let this lie, if he can do this to you it's likely he has the propensity to do it to other women, his girlfriend for instance.

  • Hi NMH, just a word or two of caution... A 19yo girl is likely to be smaller than an older brother, and any attempt to use violence against him is likely to be unsuccessful or even backfire. I really wouldn't recommend it.

    Also, I'd just gently suggest that IzzyJane isn't responsible for what her brother may or may not do to another woman - *he* is! She's a victim of assault, and doesn't deserve an extra dollop of guilt, too. for now, she has enough to deal with standing up for *herself* - that can be really difficult, especially if her family are turning a blind eye.

  • Then extreme as it may be I would hope the thought of enduring comparative pain would be enough. Whatever, this kind of behaviour should be nipped in the bud, otherwise it tends to be thought acceptable though rarely directed at someone who more likely is capable of standing up to him. I didn't intend it as adding guilt into the equation, just that females in general are 'seen' as the weaker target.

  • Report to police. This is physical abuse. Not acceptable

  • Please understand this and make it your motto:

    "The only time a male is allowed to puch or kick a female is when he is in utero."

    If I remember correctly, I think you're 19 yrs old. This makes your brother to be in his 20's. He is an adult and he should know males do not abuse females. Time to bring in the police so he can be educated.

    This is physical abuse. Report his brutal assult to the police. Never let anyone hurt or intimidate or harm you.

    Take care and please remember that your life is worthy and do not let anyone steal your worth.

    Sue

  • Am sorry for your pain. Is your Brother jealous maybe , that you get some extra attention from having an illness that affect you? He sounds like HE needs some medical help himself.

    I agree at this age, there is no way he should be assaulting you like this. I mean, this goes beyond playground behaviour . He has to either be reported to someone to whom he will listen to, and you tell him that's going to happen, or else you report him to an authoritative body.

    Take care.

  • I grew up in a violent home. I have memories of my dad egging on my sister to "kick the crap" out of me...I also had my parents egg me on to "kick the crap" out of my sister...All us sisters are now in our 50's and we do not trust eachother...so sad... our parents taught us to disrespect eachother.....so sad...I changed the "family abuse" syndrome ....I raised my son and daughter to respect eachother. They argued growing up, but they never laid a hand on eachother. I would never allow it..My son is now 23 and my daughter is 19. They are the best of friends, they still argue, but they love and trust eachother.

    So sad parents allow their kids to beat eachother up. This is not your fault, it is your parents. And now, it is your brothers fault...so sad

    All my love

    Sue

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