Am I being selfish in asking my mum to smoke outside when she comes to stay at my house for a couple of days. I don't smoke, ( ex smoker stopped 2000) my husband smokes, but always smokes outside the house with door closed.
Smoking: Am I being selfish in asking my mum to smoke... - NRAS
Smoking
35 Replies
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DEFINATELY not, send her at least 10 steps from the back door, DO NOT RELENT , because it isn't right to pollute some one else's house or space, it'll make your house smell like a dirty old ashtray lol, I'm sure mum will get used to it lol or lump it, tell her I said it isn't fare for her to smoke in someone's house who doesn't smoke any more. I had this problem when I gave them up and people who came to see us were led straight out the back door and I had no smoking signs round the house lol, plus the FACT, that your Husband has the decency and sense to smoke outside.
Do not give in under any circumstances and they will show you the respect that you demand. Lol
Philip
in reply to Philip
Hi Philip, she's one stubborn lady. My dad just went into hospital yesterday, so my mum
was going to be on her own, so it was decided that the children would take turns to stay with her overnight as she is losing her memory , she's 85 yrs old. My youngest sister has stayed 2 nights with my mum . I can look after my mum for 2 nights, but only in my own home, as I can't stand the smell of smoke in my mums house. My other sister who is a smoker said " is she going to be able to have a smoke" I said, she can smoke outside. My sister then said, well can she smoke in the kitchen with the back door open!!!!!
Philip in reply to
Hi, difficult decision lol and seeing as it's only 2 days, then why not or get ya man to go outside with for a fag and a chat lol, might work but if not then kitchen it is, it's not worth falling out is it really, she might forget but then again she might not lol.
You'll be ok and you'll survive and let's face it, non of us know how much longer mum will be with us, enjoy her while she is there.
Philip
in reply to Philip
I would never fall out with my mum, I might go in a huff 
I might just hide her cigarettes.
As I live in Scotland, I am checking the weather, hoping that it will be dry.
My husband works 7 days a week from 9 am till after midnight, so that's never going to happen. Thanks
Philip in reply to
Lol, best of luck,
sylvi in reply to
Take all the ashtrays away Jennymora. If she lights up,tell her to go outside if she won't take it of her and put it out,she will soon get the message darling.xx
Hi, I really didn't think people smoked inside their own homes see days!!!i am an ex smoker but in the latter years of my filthy habit I always went outside to smoke. I didn't want to pollute my own home. I am sure if you explain to your mum the health implications to you, she will understand and comply. Best of luck xx
My late mum used to boot anyone outside who smoked including my dad! I remember the smell of smoke used to make me very sick when I was pregnant with one of our sons. I tried to boot this chap, a relative of a friend outside and it turned out he was mentally ill and off his meds so I had to stand outside instead! Can you use your RA as a reason perhaps and tell her it will make you ill with the drugs you are on? You certainly aren't being selfish!
in reply to
I wouldn't even try to make excuses. Smoking affects the lungs, RA sufferers are prone to lung disease.
Hi Twitchytoes love the name
My mum knows I have all these Autoimmune diseases but she is getting a bit " forgetful ". I am hoping that Saturday and Sunday will be good weather so she can smoke outdoors.
Nobody smokes inside my house,my children had to smoke outside so if it is good enough for your hubby then it is good enough for your mother.xxx
Don't feel guilty
Morning, many years ago I was really really brave & banned my mother-in-law from smoking in my house. She told me she wouldn't visit anymore. I had already banned my own mum, who excepted it but wasn't happy. Of course my MIL did continue to visit, nothing more was said & she smoked outside. Bit more difficult with an 83 yr old but I'd still go for it. Wish you luck x
As a smoker myself i would find it annoying but understand. Maybe if its raining tho i would say stay in the kitchen with the door open? Then go in with air freshener? I know its bad but i wouldn't want my mum being full of cold or flu standing in the rain :/ if its nice tho i cant see why you should feel guilty.
jell in reply to
Just like fresh air when it's hot, the smoke gets sucked in with the door open! smokers can't see or smell it! Air freshener may disguise the smell but the evil stuff is still there. If she had a cold or flu then wouldn't be smoking anyway? No one has ever died from getting wet 
I used to smoke in the car with window open believing tis ok as smoke would go out the window - but of course, it doesn't. But I would argue that it did!
No way when my daughter come to stay she always goes in the garden rain or shine never even had to ask! It's totally bad manner for anyone to smoke inside.
No you are not being selfish. It is your home and your Mother should respect your wishes. Well done for giving up, I am sure it was not easy.
stick to your guns flower, my x sister in-law always asked us to go outside and we did, at the end of the day it is their home, as i am a x smoker they say we are always the worse, lol, xx
get her told your house rules no mater how old she is ,
Thanks everyone for your messages, fingers x it stays dry.
If she needs to smoke when she visits you, tell her to use an E-cigarette or an E- vapouriser, which will contain her nicotine fix, but wont have all the nasty smells and be full of toxins.
You never know, it might do the trick and make her give up the harmful smelly things.
It's your home so it's your rules!!
As you must know - there is nothing more selfish than a smoker when you are trying to give up. You will never get support from one! I think that's because they do not realise how bad the stench is until you do. You can actually see the smoke too. They will argue that you are the unreasonable one! That 'reformed' smoker line is so naff and ignorant.
It is very hard to stop when people still smoke around you. Ask mum if she would mind if you trod dog poo in her house - would she put up with the smell?
Because smoking is addictive to situations, your mum will stop getting the urge to smoke when she is at yours very quickly - probably want to light one up as soon as she walks out the door though!
You are not being selfish and your mum should be proud of you.
When I stopped my 3 yr old stopped getting persistant chest infections/x-rays. Instantly. never had another since, 26 years later...
Well done! and to your husband for supporting you - his turn next!
ps avoid those awful vapour pens too. They don't work.
To me it's the smokers who are the selfish ones for they are polluting the air we are then forced to breathe. You are not taking away their right to smoke and neither should they take away your right to breathe smoke free air so no need for any guilt.
in reply to Judetheobscure
All sorted. My mum smoked a few cigs in my back garden. Sun was shining,we both sat on the swing for a while chatting about "stuff", I made evening meal, which we ate outside, along with a glass of prosecco. Now she is sound asleep, I care for my mum, I also care for my health.
Don't relent and don't feel guilty. Once the smell is in your house it doesn't go away. After my mom passed, we painted and replaced the floors in her house and it still smelled of smoke and she hadn't smoked inside for 10 years.
Jennymora, I am also an ex-smoker. Never smoked in the house as it smells so bad! It's selfish for a smoker relative or not to to smoke in homes of others. It's so unhealthy to breathe in second hand smoke. It can only make any health issue worse or flair up. If it is causing a bad problem maybe she can use the E-cig. Check out to make double sure it's ok. I do let others use that at my house and has had no bad reaction an my Parrot or myself.
Good luck!
i'm an x smoker also but if my mum came to stay with me for a couple of days at the age of 85 yrs young , i dont think i could make her go outside. Your mum has most likely smoked for yrs and could well be worried about her husband so give her some slag, try going outside with her while she smokes so she is'nt on her own . Its a hard one and wish you luck.
Sending hugs have plenty of oust air freshner . It does work as i used it for yrs , i smoked in the house and my hubby had stopped .
Chris
Hi Jennymora. I can understand where you are coming from because I'm also an ex smoker (Jan 2, this year), but please don't do or say something that you may regret later. My dear old mum passed away 5 years ago and I sometimes, even now, think of things I said to her or things I could have done for her and it breaks my heart. I still miss her so much and have so many regrets, so for your own sake think very very carefully before you do anything that is just for your own benefit and which will upset her. For just two days, give in gracefully and ask her really nicely if she would mind smoking in the kitchen because, due to this disease, the smell does upset you. Anyway good luck whatever you decide to do.
If your sister thinks your mum should be smoking indoors she can have her to stay with her!
in reply to TeresaGriffith
Unfortunately, Her husband doesn't want my mum staying with them..... He smokes like a chimney too!!!!
I really do appreciate all the messages everyone has sent. I am 57 yrs , (my mum is 85yrs and mum of 9 ). I worked it out myself, spoke to my mum ( the lovely lady knew i was a non smoker) she was considerate, and smoked outside. We both sat outside, had a late dinner and a glass of prosecco.
I would never introduce my 85 yr old mum to vapour cigarette.
Of course it's okay as long as you tell it or explain it to her in a nice way and make sure she won't get offended. In fact, you can talk to your Mom about stopping her smoking habit by explaining to her the negative effect of smoking especially in her health. Maybe if you're both open to talk about it, then she might consider quitting it too.
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