Left out, uninvited.

[Andrea_Shapiro]

What a horrible way to find out that I was left out from a party, that I see loads of pics from people enjoying themselves on Facebook. When I sent a message to a so called "friend" (after party had already started), I was told that I wouldn't have appreciated it, as I "may have got too tired". Why do I feel I just farted in a lift? I use my walking stick (my floral one) for social occasions such as these, rather than just my NHS insoles. The moment I left the house, I went back in again, fed up. It can be soul destroying. It's a good job I have such high self esteem, but even I get ticked off.

[Hidden]

so sad, feel sorry for your friends how little they know about life, glad you are positive I would change my friends if I were you take ,care

[sylvi]

Had they been friends of yours they would have invited even if they knew you wouldn't make it. I would let them go and find a friend/friends who understand your illness better and who would invite you either way. Andrea i don't know where you live,but i will be your friend.xxxxx

[d-creasey]

That is awful surely they should have let you judge if you could have coped with the night not made that desision for you. Sounds like you are strong so stay that way and let them get on with it. Lots of love. X

[Philip]

I want to reply but my words wouldn't fit in here lol, we all eventually find out just who our friends really are.

[jenwight]

If there's one thing I found out about this desease it's that you very quickly learn who your real friends are

Jen x

[Caza]

That's awful Andrea,how hurtful. People can be very cruel. Sounds like you'd be better off without them easier said than done,I know. The suns shining where I'am, I hope the sun shines for you today,be kind to yourself & know that you are worth so much more. Take care x

[victoriablue]

Nice to be asked even if you can't go.

Change your friends.

[Sunflower62]

Firstly this is not a friend! A friend that could be this thoughtless is not worth having as a friend! DELETE her on FB move on Hun and don't look back. This has happened to be lots before now...with comments like well 'as your always in bed so early' yes I am but I could have slept in the afternoon! in the past I have deleted them and moved forward allowing my self to take a new direction and path... Oh and Karma is a wonderful thing...

[cathie]

This disease is isolating. Even among your nearest and dearest you end up often being parked. I wouldn't drop those friends just yet but I would put them on probation and think about those with decent values. During my medically induced incarceration a handful of friends have proved their worth. Two new ones even suggested that we hold a party for a group were in at my flat rather than one inaccessible to me.

So sorry to hear about your experience. Why should they decide what youcan do!

[benjijen]

This is not a friend. You should have been invited and could always have gone home early. Delete from facebook and move on.

[norfolkjo]

Oh hun the same happened to me . They were in a coffee bar round corner and the dreaded Facebook showed me . Reply on that one was well you are so low what was the point inviting u ... Other words you bring us down! .. I hae made new wobbly friends now and compartmentalise my life so the friends I still love that aren't sympathetic get the false me with the grin .. the wobblies like this board get the truth xxxif there is a positive its that I judge people better now and appreciate the real friends xx

[nomoreheels]

So feel for you but I'm with Sunflower & believe in Karma. God forbid anything would happen to any of your facebook "friends" & need you & you're not there for them. Think I'd be moving on as her "concern" was a thinly veiled dismissal in my view & not being invited confirms that. True friends are those who don't see you as the one with a stick, however pretty & love you for who you are, however you cope. Fortunately it's never happened to me as my friends understand me & it's never been an isssue. They just accept if I go & sit down if I can stand no longer & come & sit down with me, truth be told some are ready for a sit down themselves anyway! Move on from these people, they're not worth stressing over. You sound strong & sure it'll not be long before your true friends rally round.

[Jora]

Poor you. A similar thing happened to me; I know just how you feel. It hurts. I wonder if you can convince yourself that they were being over-protective, rather than excluding you for any other reason.

[Corsav7]

Thats awful, you certainly find out who your friends are when you're ill xx

[Shadows-walker]

Hi I have had similar happen to me , in my group of friends I have worked out it's just one who instigates these situations ,at the moment all my group are off on hoilday together ,and the one in the group has been quietly making rumbles about someone else who she says winds her up ,my other friends I like to think deep down know what she's like but it does hurt the group itself ,I get left out of things quite often now they all get together and find out after the event ,I mainly see see only 1 or 2 regularly now and to be honest I prefer it that way at the moment at least ,sometimes it hurts ,but to be honest this site has been a god sent take care there's lots of people in this world and we can't get on with everybody and we all change x

[magglen]

Try telling them how you feel, in a nice way of course. Otherwise they won't know or begin to understand. One should be able to be up front with one;s friends. I know I would prefer my friends to tell me if I ever upset them

xxx

[Scorpius]

Dear "Billy no mates" life's a bitch at times, pick your self up and say to hell with them, look for the good things in life, I know it's no consolation but a close friend of mine has just been diagnosed with "motor neurons disease" and I think that I have got problems.

[Hidden]

I would actually confront the person whose party it was rather than speaking to others who attended and find out the actual reason, which may turn out to have been a thoughtless rather than hurtful one not to invite.

As Cathy has said keep them as friends and watch an wait, you will eventually find who really is your true friend. As they say true friends you count on one hand acquaintances are more than one hand. Try not to be too hurtful, it's hard and we have all been where your at, at some point in our lives. Take care.

[oldtimer]

My own feeling of anger....would make me consider telling this "friend" just what I think of her for taking a decision on my behalf without discussion.

Unless we are confrontational, people will just steamroller us out of the way.

She should allow to to make your own decisions about how you might be able to manage.

[Hidden]

I am so sorry that you have been treated this way. I too have found out who my true friends are since having this horrid disease! As one of my good pals would say " Scrape them off" take care of yourself Michelle x

[bencar]

Friends like that you can do well without, I think you should reply to her via Facebook and let others know how she let you down. Maybe then she would send you an apology, which you can decide whether to accept or not. Unlike the party invite it would be your decision.

[mistymeana]

Ooooo trying to type without language that will be removed! There is absolutely nothing I hate more than other people deciding what I am and am not capable of. Had it happen twice at my place of work - the first time by someone hoping to become a manager. Very difficult as I was friendly with him and he ended up being moved back to whence he came with his bid for promotion quashed. Second time got me the offer of redundancy despite there being a redundancy embargo. The union wanted me to stay on and fight so they could hang the manager out to dry - she had a bit of a reputation. Rightly or wrongly, I took the money and ran as the fight was wearing me down. Now I'm much poorer but less stressed.

It's difficult for you with friends involved. Hopefully, it was done out of love and concern rather than anything else. Is there a friend involved you can have a heart to heart with? Chances are if you explain how the decision made you feel they'll be horrified. People just don't think. I do hope you can resolve this in a way that makes you feel better about the situation. Easy to say find new friends but not always as easy as it sounds and a diverse mix of people that can be re-educated would be more fun I think. My more able pals bring richness to my life - mind you, I've had to do my share of educating in my time. Chin up duck xx

[Jeanabelle60]

sorry to hear about this but it comes to many on here as no surprise at all. i had a brilliant social life until this disease really took hold of me. all the so called friends just disappeared. to be honest i took to the house myself as i wasn't fit or able to go to the shops never mind going to parties.

all through the 9 months i went through before going on Bio's (the worst time of my life) an old friend, a fella, came to visit me. he would just sit for a hour, not looking for tea to be made, he'd just sit and tell me about what everyone was getting up to and asking if there was anything he could do while he was there.

we have known each other since we were very young. i'll never forget him for this and i tell who ever will listen about him......he puts the rest of them to shame.......now Cyril is a FRIEND!

i really hope you find yours. all the best darlin. XX

[fastball]

I agree with what everybody else has said forget them they are not your friends, you do find out who are your friends with this D.

Hope you find new friends soon sending you hugs stay strong XXX

Chris

[Rosi1213]

Wow! That really sucks..I guess when you have a disease like this, you find out who your friends are......I have to admit, since I was diagnosed, I realize now why I have good days and bad days, and I really don't go out much anymore! If I am invited somewhere, I let them know that I will let them know if I will be there, as I realize I can not make promises anymore.....but it is my decision to make, not my so called friends! Please don't let anyone bring you down.........I think we do that job very well all by ourselves....Take care!

[Susiej38]

Oh, dear-I feel for you and can empathize. I have observed how many of my so called "friends" faded out of my life. I got to a point where I decided I was through with being hurt, angry, and disappointed. I decided to not completely write off these fair weather friends, but accept the reality. I don't go out of my way to pursue their friendship yet I try to be a friend or friendly to them. It takes too much energy to be upset and hurt! Those of us with this disease need peace . RD takes so much of our energy- don't give your time to worrying and being angry. I understand completely.

[Littlefruitbat]

So sorry to hear how you have been treated by your so called friends. I have had the same but from my FAMILY if you can believe it! That same lame excuse "we didn't bother inviting you because we knew you wouldn't be able to come or enjoy it and ŵe thought you might feel left out as there will be dancing, and we weren't sure whether you would be able to get around. Just wish people would let me decide what I can and cannot do.

[Paulineg]

Dear Andrea-Shapiro. I really feel for you. A similar thing happened to me but it was my step-son and his wife. It was her 50th birthday party and we found out about, after the event, when her daughter mentioned it (by accident). They then said told is about it and said they didn't mention it before because they thought we wouldn't go. It would have been nice to have been asked was my reply. Things have never been the same since then because I cannot be bothered with them. Pay back came when they weren't invited to my birthday party. Your day will come - payback is just around the corner. Good luck and forget her, she's not worth bothering with. You ARE better than her!!!

[jillab]

Oh dear what an upsetting thing to happen, I too would get in touch with the person holding the party and ask why I hadn't been invited, if they were genuinely thinking it would be too much for you, din't be too angry they were trying to be kind but explain that you would like to be asked if anyones having a do again so that you yourself can decide if you are up to it or not, same goes for the `friend' who told you, remind them there is nothing wrong with your brain, if they don't like being told that then they aren't real friends and you are better off without them. You will still have more friends on here than they ever will.

[Andrea_Shapiro]

Thank you so much for all the kind comments: it sounds like we've ALL been there! In all honesty, I'd say my main emotion was cheesed off, and that sensation of a deflated balloon. I've had this disease now for quite a while, and have more than got over the 'bereavement' stage. However, as we all do, I still feel low from time to time. I am the type to feel hurt initially, but I very quickly get over it (usually a, "well, **** you, then", just in my head, I might add). It's more to do with the physical effort involved with going out: shower, washing & drying hair, make up. These things aren't the doddle they used to be! It's lucky that I'm happy staying in!