I am a bit of an idiot. I have been through several anti-reflux operations which have resulted in a failed operation. Sometime in 2016 I will have to have an op where part of my gut (jejunum) is cut and then attached to my esophagus to extend it's length to the stomach, preventing reflux. half my stomach will be removed. The prior op's have been through my 40's. I am now 49.
I have smoked since I was 21 and gave up for first op' for 4 years, now I have smoked for 4-5 years as a kind of crutch. I have been told they will not operate on me if I smoke as this op' is much more drastic than the rest.
So, tonight I will have my last few and then stop. Tomorrow I will awake in a foul mood, angry at myself and surgeons and need support to see it through.
I have quit for months at a time and my biggest fear is that this op' will not cure my reflux. So I am in a constant state of anxiety but know this level drops when I am off the smokes for a few days.
I have also developed a kind of nicotine allergy, which is no doubt my body rebelling and my mind knowing it the wrong thing to do. It is very odd behavior, but addiction is a very odd thing.
Any help or advice would be most gratefully received. I know the rewards are there for me, the brain plays amazing tricks.