Deep breath and....

[nsd_user663_61085]

My story

Prompted by Tracey's strength in sharing, I decided that if I am to benefit fully from the support here, as I front up to the addiction again, then honesty is the best policy.

My story is not so much about me, but about my partner who is a severe agoraphobic, rarely leaving the house unless the outing is planned, detailed and orchestrated months in advance. I am not always as kind and understanding as I might be with him, as I watch the life I had thought we would have disappearing before my eyes, I feel bad about that….I am pretty robust, pretty capable of getting by – love my job, my family and friends but there is always a hole, always times when it would be better were he beside me, always a fake smile to be worn as I protect my nearest and dearest by faking an ability to cope that I do not always have

Obviously this means he doesn’t work. Neither is he able to cook, clean, garden, shop, decorate, tidy…..because

We also, and this is far worse, have diagnosed OCPD to cope with, not to be confused with OCD - I will use someone else's words to explain:

What are the characteristics of OCPD?

-Rigid adherence to rules and regulations, to the exclusion of others

-An overwhelming, life-ruling need for order

-Unwillingness to yield or give responsibilities to others, but unable to take personal ownership

-A sense of righteousness about the way things should be done that ignores others

What are the symptoms of OCPD?

-Excessive devotion to even insignificant tasks that impairs social and family activities

-Excessive fixation with lists, rules and minor details that dominates inter-personal relationships

-Perfectionism that prevents task completion, by self or others

-Rigid following of self selected moral and ethical codes that are neither moral nor ethical

-Unwillingness to assign tasks to others, combined with inability to complete personally

-Lack of generosity in expression of emotion, love, empathy and sympathy

-Extreme frugality without reason

-Extreme hoarding behaviors

The diagnosis of OCPD is made when these traits result in a significant impairment in social,work and/or family functioning

This does not get anywhere close to describing the daily scrutiny, criticism and general lambasting that I suffer for not living up to an unrealistic image of a perfection I am not, comes nowhere close to describing the analysis paralysis that rules our home……..but I have another forum for that particular pain

He stopped medicating years ago – I will NOT be a victim but be very clear, life is hard, even without the (failed) quit attempts

So here we go again

Wish me luck, and perhaps be more patient of my previous failures,

Day 1 - again - here I am

M

x

[nsd_user663_60964]

Gosh, Mina, with all that to cope with it is no wonder you find yourself turning to smoking. Being a carer is exhausting physically and mentally at the best of times but your OH's conditions sound particularly difficult to manage (especially when you're holding down a job and running the house as well). It's no wonder you get to the end of your tether with it sometimes and I can only hope that your friends and family are as supportive as they can be under the circumstances.

There's nothing I can say I know to make this impossible situation any easier for you to cope with but we can at least be here virtually for you, as always, and if a shed-load of virtual hugs would help you've got 'em.

I shall be thinking of you today.

[nsd_user663_61429]

I am so proud of you Mina that in the face of all that adversity you are coming back on board.

This is one thing that you can do for YOU when it sounds like you do an awful lot for your partner.

I wish you all the very best and send you lots of love

Mel

xx

[nsd_user663_61728]

Wow Mina, I'm just going to repeat what everyone else has said and say that you are really strong to cope with all of this and attempt to quit smoking. I really do wish you all the best and the forum is here to support you x

[nsd_user663_54559]

Awwwww Mina I am just glad you are back here chica.

Keep fighting girl and you will succeed I just know it.

[nsd_user663_60655]

Dear dear Mina

You are an angel and a true champ - so much on your plate. Can't add anything to previous posts.

Be strong. Wish you all the luck. God bless

[nsd_user663_2681]

Mina, I too am so glad you are here, by the sounds of it you have a lot on your plate so no wonder it's hard to quit smoking on top of everything else... We will get there hun, me you Debbie and TG, even if it takes us 20 attempts and we arrive on zimmers we WILL get to the penthouse xxxx

[nsd_user663_61094]

Just hugs Mina, I think you are fabulous!!

[nsd_user663_60655]

Hi Mina

How goes it? I don't know if you are posting some place else.

Life is a song - sing it. Life is a game - play it. Life is a challenge - meet it. Life is a dream - realize it. Life is a sacrifice - offer it. Life is love - enjoy it.

(Sai Baba)

So find your song

Be strong

Firefly