Day 1

So, not having money to buy cigarettes didn't stop me from smoking over that time. Goodness knows how I managed to do it, but I did.

HOWEVER, I've decided enough is enough. I'm 2 hours into my day one cold turkey and angry as hell. Like, I've turned into the Incredible Hulk in just 2 hours. At this point it's all mental. I've gone 2 hours with no smokes before and haven't gone into a rage... Probably because I knew I would eventually get to smoke. This time, I know it will never happen so my brain is going nuts. My daughter is copping the brunt of it, poor petal.

I've created a diary to keep myself motivated... maybe. The first 3 pages list the hours that go by for each day so that I can successfully cross them off and write in how I'm feeling. I haven't gotten any further than that.

I'm scared and anxious. I want to be alone for fear of murder. But that's not an option. Ugh. I'm rambling on. My mind is all over the place. Sorry.

16 Replies

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  • Hootabelle,

    Welcome back, good to see you here.

    Firstly some deep breathing might help with the anger, not 20mins sat on the floor, just 3 inhale exhale deep breaths before exploding.

    Secondly are you under the illusion that you're giving something up? That can make us angry. Smoking is a ludicrous habit that costs a fortune and makes you stink. Why on earth do you want to do it?

    A diary is a great idea and will get you through these initial horrendous few hours. Have you made a list of your reasons for quitting? That really helped me to focus during the tough times. I also promised myself that I would read my reasons 5 times out loud and slowly before buying a pack of cigatettes. That saved my quit twice in the early days.

    Just do one hour at a time, slowly, slowly.:)

  • Thanks Sue. Just about to hit the 7 hour mark. I've been hiding from my daughter for most of the afternoon.

    Yes, I really do feel like I'm giving something up. I can't explain why, and yes it is as incredibly irrational as it seems. I can actually change that mindset when I catch myself thinking it, but I'm a little slow on the uptake today and actions are coming before thought. I'm actually really hanging to get back to bed. I feel like poo.

  • Aww hun I feel for you. Early nights and long baths have saved many a quit. This is an exhausting battle in the beginning but it is worth it. I promise.

    Hating yourself for lighting up is not a good thing for your self esteem.

    How old is your daughter?

  • My daughter is 3. She is at one of the very difficult stages. All day today I've had to deal with "Mum, mum, mum, mum, MUUUUUUUM!!!" constantly. Any other day it would be fine, but today, not so much... I'm actually counting down the hours to her bedtime rather than the hours quit. Lol.

  • Yeah that is tough cos she doesn't understand what you're going through. Mind you she's a walking talking reason to stay quit!

    I think that line is in a film????

  • She sure is. Probably at the top of my list for reasons to quit. She's just started to understand what cigarettes are and every time I would walk outside she would say "Are you going out for a cigarette mummy? I want to come too." Cue the massive guilt trip.

    Love her to bits, but man, she sure knows how to push my buttons.

    Is it a line in a film? I'm not sure.

  • Thank you Jenny.

    Yes, I have 2 of his books and have read them numerous times. They are great, but haven't been effective enough for me. Not to worry, I'll keep reading and maybe my brain will eventually "get it" :)

  • Thank you Jenny.

    Yes, I have 2 of his books and have read them numerous times. They are great, but haven't been effective enough for me. Not to worry, I'll keep reading and maybe my brain will eventually "get it" :)

    Best of luck!! I found that Allen Carr's book only started making sense to me after the first week or so. The part that hit home most to me was about not giving anything up. We are not losing anything. We are gaining freedom from the drug! Once you are free, the nicotine monster doesn't call on you every few minutes. Once the craves become fleeting thoughts it gets much easier!!! I wanted that control back - I didn't want to be controlled by a drug. My day used to be divided into.. Morning cigarette, mid morning cigarette, lunchtime cigarettes, mid afternoon cigarettes, school run cigarette, pre dinner cigarette, post dinner cigarettes, many nighttime cigarettes, last one before bed cigarette. Sometimes if I woke during the night I would even have a mid night cigarette!!! It ruled my life and once I managed to get past the first week I could see that. While it had control of me I couldn't.

    So to cut a long story short, try read it again after a week of being cigarette free

    I really hope it works out for you!!!

  • My day used to be divided into.. Morning cigarette, mid morning cigarette, lunchtime cigarettes, mid afternoon cigarettes, school run cigarette, pre dinner cigarette, post dinner cigarettes, many nighttime cigarettes, last one before bed cigarette. Sometimes if I woke during the night I would even have a mid night cigarette!!! It ruled my life

    I can certainly relate! I'm constantly hanging for my next fix. My life is passing me by so quickly because I'm rushing through it just so I can have a cigarette. Not a way to live at all. I'm going to keep reading for as long as it takes.

  • Firstly welcome Hoot

    I'm going cold turkey as well so here's a few tips I have used to get by:

    Drink plenty of cold water or ice's pops ( really helps with the craving)

    Going outside and deep breathing

    Hot baths

    Early nights

    Read a book or come on here an post

    Computer games

    Chewing gum

    It's manly distracting yourself try going out for a walk with your daughter maybe.

    If your suffering with anxiety rescue remedy herbal remedies are very good .

    I hope that helps you and good luck :):) xx

    Thanks for the tips! I think I might be on here a lot. Not necessarily posting, but definitely reading. :)

  • I've got it: it's Con Air but it's a walking talking reason to rehabilitate.:D

    Yeah the link for kiddies and smoking starts early. I know the stats for how much more likely you are to start if one adult in the household smokes is ridiculous. That was my excuse for awhile I was a child in a household with 3 adults smoking, so I didn't stand a chance.

    I know what you mean about the Allen Carr book. I read it several times, each time thinking it'll work this time but although it all made sense it didn't click. I thought I was doing something wrong because I still wanted to smoke. I read the nicotine trap as well which filled in more of the blanks. I think some of us just have to tough it out til it does click as SJT said.

    Maybe we're the stubborn ones who won't believe it til it happens to them.:D

  • Hi hoot, good to see you back :) there are plenty of us starting out again on this road to freedom I view it as I've got to the roundabout a quarter of a mile down the road and got stuck on it going round in circles :D I just need to get off at the right junction and plough forward :D we can all help each other when the going gets tough, good luck to you xx

  • Hi Hoot.

    I have read your post and found them very heart warming, I wish you the very best in your quit:D

  • Hi Hoots,

    So glad to see you back and that you've taken the plunge. It really does take courage to launch yourself off the parapet but we will be here to catch you and support you until your wings grow big enough for you to fly solo :)

    I think it is great that you have several quit buddies to team up with as it really does help. You're clearly a courageous lady and I think this is going to be your time. I shall be cheering you on and there are a big bunch of fantastic people here to do the same.

    Hope you sleep OK tonight and when you wake tomorrow the first day will already be done and dusted. How fab is that? :)

  • Thanks guys. I'm an hour and a half shy of 24 hours. Its 8.30am right now. Mornings are the worst trigger times for me. Usually I wake up and within 10 minutes am outside chain smoking about 5 in a row before I even make my morning coffee to replenish the overnight lack of nicotine. I'm feeling like death. Tight chest. Can't breathe properly. Ugh!

  • Thanks. Bit late to avoid the morning caffeine now. I only ever have one a day anyway (anymore than that then the anxiety kicks in). I'll keep it in mind for tomorrow.

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