A whole raft of emotions

Long, and probably boring and disjointed post alert ahead. :eek:

I hope this will help in the months to come so if I think everything was sunshine and flowers when I smoked, this will *prove* that it's c**p and if anyone is thinking of falling, jumping or sliding off the wagon it might help them too - bonus!!

Anyway, here I am gearing up for what will be my final, forever :o quit and I've got a whole heap of different feelings going on here!!

Am anxious - I've been a smoker for a long time - too b.loody long - so learning how to cope with stuff without a crutch is a bit scary even though I've had quits in the past. But hell, most of the population cope so why shouldn't I?

I know what to expect and that makes me nervous too, the cough, the moods, the tiredness, the tears - but that's a healing process, right?

I'm also p'ed off - how the hell can I have been so stupid? Got my card statement the other day, and it's heaving with "Co Op £16.51" all down the page, all that money buying things i don't like, to make me ill and smell nasty, to make me stand outside, sucking on a burning dummy, making my hair stink, my clothes stink, my hands stink. It is (especially for you Max) MINGING!!

It makes me moody, turns me into a person I frankly don't like (could slap actually) - a petulant, grumpy, narky cow who can only think of getting her next fix. I hate that, it is *not* me, I'm better than that.

It makes me ashamed, especially the amount I'm smoking and what it's doing to me - and if I "have" to have 2 I realise exactly how bad that makes me look. :mad: A pathetic drug addict.

Never got the loss of self esteem thing before but now I do, oh wow i get it.

So that's all the bad stuff - sounds grim eh?

Here's the nice bits!!

Am excited, in a bizarre way maybe, to have a fight with the nicotine monster. Something in me has snapped and my brain is finally properly accepting what a load of c**p smoking is and how minging it is.

Will be healthier, no more coughing (especially in the mornings) no more achy legs, no more dodgy sinuses, no more feeling like my top is too tight - all of that will be gone!!

Will be richer, way richer so I can get back to buying too many clothes which will never stink of smoke and shoes that won't get burns on their soles.

Am looking forward to be able to curl up in the evenings without having to go outside, not having to drop everything when Nic comes, hell being normal!! Not worrying about when and where i can get my next fix, have I got enough, blah blah

Finally I'm determined, smoking gives me nothing and only takes away - have got my 30th coming up in just over a month and I *will* be a non-smoker by then if it kills me.

So my quit date is ASAP. It has to be done, and soon!!

Wish me luck please, I'm going to need you guys!!

Gemma x

59 Replies

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  • Right here for you Gemma, kick that blummin Nic into touch where he belongs. Go get him pic4ever.com/images/47b20s0...

  • Wow! You've just made my day Gemma :D

    I'm so proud of you and I have absolutely NO DOUBT whatsoever that you'll be strutting into the Penthouse very close to a year from now in your sparkly pink platforms and pink flares :D

    I'm going to get the pink champagne on order right now!

    I'll be here for you whenever you need me, that's a promise.

    Here's to the new non smoking Gemma, you have been missed

    Molly x

  • Good luck Gemma, You can do this, we all can.

  • That's my girl!

    Will be with you every step of the way petal, I know you can do this and so do you so this time it's a non-stop train to that Penthouse and when it slows to take on an incline we will pin you down to make sure you don't leap off!

    It's going to be fine hon, hell, it's going to be GREAT!!!:D:D:D

    YAY!!

    Thanks hun, I know you will be - and thanks heaps for not giving up on me!!

    Right here for you Gemma, kick that blummin Nic into touch where he belongs. Go get him pic4ever.com/images/47b20s0...

    Oooh yes I'm going to kick him right where it hurts until he begs for mercy!!

    Hi Gemma, First of all i want to wish you luck.:)

    Its not really down to luck though, its down to how much you want to quit, and by the sounds of your post, you desperately want to, i'm sure you are going to do it this time Gem as you did so well last time, and you know where you went wrong.

    Yes it will be hell to begin with, but you've done it once, you'll do it again and you'll come out the other side the person you want to be.

    You know you'll get all the support you need on here, same as you have been to so many.

    I wish i had set myself a goal to quit before my 30th, my goal was to quit before i was 50:eek:, but my mind was set a few years ago that i would quit before i reached 50 and i stuck to it, it was the best decision i ever made, let 30 be yours.

    Life is so much easier being a non smoker.

    I wish you all the best Gemma we are all behind you hun. :D:cool:;)

    Thanks heaps hun :)

    I really *really* want to quit, have got so sick of all the rubbish that comes from smoking - there's nothing good about it at all!!

    Massive well done to you as well, you're a star!!

  • Wow! You've just made my day Gemma :D

    I'm so proud of you and I have absolutely NO DOUBT whatsoever that you'll be strutting into the Penthouse very close to a year from now in your sparkly pink platforms and pink flares :D

    I'm going to get the pink champagne on order right now!

    I'll be here for you whenever you need me, that's a promise.

    Here's to the new non smoking Gemma, you have been missed

    Molly x

    Woohoo!!

    Thanks heaps hun!!

    Guess it kind of crept up on me how much I hated smoking, sort of moments of clarity really - but Quitter Gem is definitely back!!

    Oooh wow and all that pink - I'll be in heaven :D

    xx

    Good luck Gemma, You can do this, we all can.

    Thanks!! We're all going to do it!!

    This is the post I personally have been waiting for for months

    This site and my quit despite everything great about it will always be weaker and lesser until you Gemma succeed and join us :D

    The Seriously Heavy artillery is being re-armed and polished as we speak ;) and if it takes the 155mm Howitzers to blast a way past the psychological and physical addiction to Nic then so be it,it WILL be done :D

    Gemma you have made my day a brilliant day with this post thank you xx

    Am waiting patiently with some serious hardware to help deliver the coup-de-grâce to the Demon For EVER.:cool:

    Knew you'd be pleased Max, and I even got your favourite word in :p

    Aww and I'm sorry for failing before, but I know exactly where I went wrong, and it won't happen again!!

    Ooh and LOL Nic deserves a shell or 2 up the bum :p

    I'm going to do this!!

  • That's brilliant Gemma Lou I'm really happy for you and will be behind you all the way!!

    You can do this!!

    Sarah x

  • That's brilliant Gemma Lou I'm really happy for you and will be behind you all the way!!

    You can do this!!

    Sarah x

    Thanks heaps Sarah!!

    We can all do it :D :D x

  • Gemma,do always keep at the front of your mind how massively powerful positive thought can be :D

    I believed I could do this.I told myself I would succeed.I never allowed myself to doubt it. Because of that,I succeeded.:p Not once was I in any difficulty.

    Tell yourself now and every day Gemm,that you will succeed at this.That you will enjoy escaping poison and stink and illness..enjoy it and love being free.And because you will believe it,it will work,and we will be right there behind you in case you wobble ;) xx

    I will Max!!

    Know you never gave yourself the option of failing and that's fab!!

    The freedom means a lot to me, am so tired of having to go out and smoke whenever Nic crooks his finger!!

    Know you and the nice people on here will be there to support me and that means a lot :) xx

  • Your fellow Musketeers are with you hon, all we need is Sarah Lou and her frying pan so start warming up those Fists of Fury!:D:D:D

    YAY!!

    Nic's going to have no chance with us giving him hell!!

  • Gem get yourself going before Jan 31st and come join the freedom fighters. We are great in number and strong as oxs. One falters then rest of us are there to support. We all want this for you and more importantly you want it. Come on honey jump and we will catch you love you xxx

    Thanks hun, I'm going to do it this time and yes I *really* want it!! x

  • Gemma,do always keep at the front of your mind how massively powerful positive thought can be :D

    I believed I could do this.I told myself I would succeed.I never allowed myself to doubt it. Because of that,I succeeded.:p Not once was I in any difficulty.

    Tell yourself now and every day Gemm,that you will succeed at this.That you will enjoy escaping poison and stink and illness..enjoy it and love being free.And because you will believe it,it will work,and we will be right there behind you in case you wobble ;) xx

    ^^^ what Max said ^^^

    Positive thought is the key here.

    Either.........

    Think it'll be tough: and it WILL be tough :mad:

    Think you'll fail: and you WILL fail :mad:

    Or..............

    Think it'll be easy: and it WILL be easy :D

    Think you'll succeed: and you WILL succeed :D

    I haven't been here long, but I'm really glad for you, Gemma!

  • Wow Gemma

    Thats as strong a post as iv seen on here, sounds you are very determine and positive good luck regards Keith.

  • ^^^ what Max said ^^^

    Positive thought is the key here.

    Either.........

    Think it'll be tough: and it WILL be tough :mad:

    Think you'll fail: and you WILL fail :mad:

    Or..............

    Think it'll be easy: and it WILL be easy :D

    Think you'll succeed: and you WILL succeed :D

    I haven't been here long, but I'm really glad for you, Gemma!

    You're so right!!

    Am going to go into it thinking I'm freeing myself from a nasty addiction, not "giving up" and I *will* do it, no problem :D

    All I have to do is not put a fag in my mouth after all!!

    Ooh and thanks!!

    Well done with your quit :)

  • Wow Gemma

    Thats as strong a post as iv seen on here, sounds you are very determine and positive good luck regards Keith.

    Aww thankyou :)

    I am really determined now, have managed to make myself totally sick of smoking and everything to do with it!!

    Ooh and good luck with your quit :)

  • Good luck Gemma

    I'm going to ask you to look at yourself in the mirror each morning and list those reasons to yourself, just to reinforce why you want to do this, write out a crib sheet and read it aloud. Actually tell yourself why you are doing this, that you are a non smoker now and happy that you are.

    You might feel daft talking to yourself but this is a battle between your concious mind which knows that smoking isn't something you really want to do and your addicted brain which is constantly chipping away at your resolve. I don't know whether its because it makes you take the time to think about what you are saying to yourself or whether its has a subconscious effect but it did help me with the whole not wanting to smoke thing. Anyway please give it a try, maybe even start talking to yourself on the bus, at least it will guarantee you a double seat :D (if you ever use the bus that is)

  • Good luck Gemma

    I'm going to ask you to look at yourself in the mirror each morning and list those reasons to yourself, just to reinforce why you want to do this, write out a crib sheet and read it aloud. Actually tell yourself why you are doing this, that you are a non smoker now and happy that you are.

    You might feel daft talking to yourself but this is a battle between your concious mind which knows that smoking isn't something you really want to do and your addicted brain which is constantly chipping away at your resolve. I don't know whether its because it makes you take the time to think about what you are saying to yourself or whether its has a subconscious effect but it did help me with the whole not wanting to smoke thing. Anyway please give it a try, maybe even start talking to yourself on the bus, at least it will guarantee you a double seat :D (if you ever use the bus that is)

    Thanks Nic :)

    An definitely going to do that - anything and everything I can do to get off the damn fags has to be worth it and that definitely makes sense!!

    Suppose repeating it every day, gets it to sink into your brain properly!!

  • Aww thankyou :)

    I am really determined now, have managed to make myself totally sick of smoking and everything to do with it!!

    Ooh and good luck with your quit :)

    That's exactly what I was sick of it sick of nearly being sick with coughing in the morning:mad

  • Ah brilliant decision Gemma, have every confidence in you. You are aware of how you went off course last time, so hopefully you will be champion this time, come on missus, we are all behind you 100% xxxx :D

  • That's exactly what I was sick of it sick of nearly being sick with coughing in the morning:mad

    Yep it's disgusting isn't it?

    Am so looking forward to getting rid of that, and my irritated throat, achy legs, very peeved sinuses, and all the other c**p smoking is doing to me :mad::mad:

    At least you're free now and I will be too very soon!!

  • Ah brilliant decision Gemma, have every confidence in you. You are aware of how you went off course last time, so hopefully you will be champion this time, come on missus, we are all behind you 100% xxxx :D

    Aww thank you :)

    I know you are and it's fab!!

    Yeah i know exactly how I messed up last time and no way will I be doing the same thing this go :D

    xxx

  • If I so much as hear a mention of an e-cig I will personally come charging up the county and HUNT YOU DOWN!!!:eek:

    Be afraid, be VERY afraid!:D

    *screams*

    Yes big sis!!

    No b.loody e-fags this time round :eek::eek:

  • That's my girl! You got free last time without a dummy (even if you were quitting FOR a dummy) and there is NO WAY you are going to replace one addiction with another. The only thing you are permitted to cling to like mad is US!

    Ooh i will, don't worry about that hun!!

    Lol at the dummy thing - whatever did I see in him?

    Only proper NRT for me, no e-fags

  • If I so much as hear a mention of an e-cig I will personally come charging up the county and HUNT YOU DOWN!!!:eek:

    Be afraid, be VERY afraid!:D

    Me too and it's a long way from Sunderland ;) so just think on missy :D x

    P.s i will be coming down, not up ha x

  • Me too and it's a long way from Sunderland ;) so just think on missy :D x

    P.s i will be coming down, not up ha x

    Oooooh heck!!

    Am double keeping off the thing then 'cos I'd get in big trouble from both of you :eek::eek::eek: xx

  • Brilliant news Gemma, my first target was to stop before my 30th birthday...then 35th....then 40th....then 45th...finally stopped at 46 :eek:

    My quit buddy from all those years ago is still quit and I don't mind admitting I'm jealous she managed it all those years ago - all that *ming* she's saved herself from...

    Self belief needed in spades here GL....YOU CAN DO THIS and we're with you all the way....can't wait for Day 1 :D:D:D

  • Brilliant news Gemma, my first target was to stop before my 30th birthday...then 35th....then 40th....then 45th...finally stopped at 46 :eek:

    My quit buddy from all those years ago is still quit and I don't mind admitting I'm jealous she managed it all those years ago - all that *ming* she's saved herself from...

    Self belief needed in spades here GL....YOU CAN DO THIS and we're with you all the way....can't wait for Day 1 :D:D:D

    Aww thanks Isolde!!

    Had said for years I'd stop at 30 so am beating that just about!!

    Well done for stopping now, you've done fab and that's the main thing :D

    No more ming!!

    Am looking forward to day 1 but I'm nervous about it too!!

  • Can't wait to be free of this!!

    Am making sure I note how it feels, tastes and smells (the answer is minging) so I've got something to deter me when I crave *and* I'm going to keep a handful of fag ends (not anything i could roll one out of, eww) so I've got something to sniff and put me off cos it's proper stinky!!

    Going to get patches and gum tomorrow so I'll be prepared a d I've ordered a retail size box of Extra off Amazon, lol. Well I got through tons of it last time!! Stopped me getting quitter's constipation too :p

  • Gemma, I really wish you all the best matey!

    You absolutely will succeed in this quit, there's no doubt about that!

    Remember, there's nothing special about any of the people that succeed in their quits. Absolutely nothing. They're all people who were addicted like you, that now don't think about smoking at all; and that is just around the corner for you!

  • Gemma, I really wish you all the best matey!

    You absolutely will succeed in this quit, there's no doubt about that!

    Remember, there's nothing special about any of the people that succeed in their quits. Absolutely nothing. They're all people who were addicted like you, that now don't think about smoking at all; and that is just around the corner for you!

    Aww thankyou :)

    Have to be honest and I'm nervous about it, but that's just the "before I leap" thing!! Am sure when I'm underway things will look a whole lot better.

    I really *really* want to get to the place where I don't think about smoking - or if i do it's a "yuck" thing, that will be absolutely fab!!

  • Right now going to sleep for a month is pretty attractive!!

    Some more things I'm looking forward to losing:

    The horrible taste in my mouth (how did this not get to me before?)

    Catching the smell of my breath in the mornings

    My stinky smoking hand

    Burning my lips when my fag burns down to the filter

    Catching my nails on the fag tip

    I want to know how the flip I spent so long "enjoying" this c**p?

  • Can't wait for you to get this baby off and running Gemma lou-don't forget there is another Gemma quitting too so you two can be a right dynamic duo smiting Nicdemon all over the place :D:D

    You and me both Max!!

    We might be quit buddies, which would be fab :D

    As you know, Gemmas are wonderful, powerful girls :D

  • As you know, Gemmas are wonderful, powerful girls :D

    ...with terrible musical tastes :p:p:p:p:p

  • ...with terrible musical tastes :p:p:p:p:p

    Lol, I'm not that bad!!

    Am I?

    :eek::eek::eek:

  • that should be terrible musical "tastes"! Contradictions in terms definitely merit speech marks!:D:D:D

    :( :( :(

    You're my big sis, you're meant to stand up for me!! :eek::eek::eek:

  • Lol, I'm not that bad!!

    Am I?

    :eek::eek::eek:

    Hey...I'm just jumping on the bandwagon :)

    that should be terrible musical "tastes"! Contradictions in terms definitely merit speech marks!:D:D:D

    Lol :D

    Knock Knock.

    Who's there?

    The grammar police.

    The grammar police who?

    The grammar police whom!

  • Yay! Do I spy a fellow fan of that wonderful book by Lynne Truss? In my spare time I am an apostrophe vigilante!:o:D

    My pedantry is legendary in these parts :cool:

  • Hey...I'm just jumping on the bandwagon :)

    Lol :D

    Knock Knock.

    Who's there?

    The grammar police.

    The grammar police who?

    The grammar police whom!

    LOL!!

    Good job I'm not proud :p

  • Honey I will defend you on every side until my last breath....but not in respect of your musical....I prefer the word preferences!:p:D

    Awwwwwwwww

    *Cries*

    I was listening to Foals in the car earlier, does that redeem me even a tiny bit? Bad Habit, appropriately enough :p

  • I've been shopping :D

    All set for the big day now!!

  • Delivery arrived then! How about the catering pack of Extra?

    Lol, I'm going to need that!!

    Amazon says "preparing for despatch" - hope they get their fingers out, I do *not* want to go to the fag counter to buy little packs of it when I'm freshly quit :eek::eek::eek:

  • Checkouts at Boots then - always some on there!;)

    Ooh thanks hun, hadn't thought of that - am going to need some cough mixture so I'll have a look!!

    Lidl used to do it, but since they reorganised, if they do I haven't a clue where!!

  • Lovely Gem I have those ones, not that gum never seen flavoured ones before xx

    Thanks hun :)

    I used those patches last time - they're good aren't they?

    Had the gum like that before too - the "original" one is absolutely minging, used that years ago and ended up smoking 'cos I couldn't stand chewing it!! The freshfruit and the freshmint icy are nice though!!

    Lol, I'm fussy xx

  • Apart from you end up looking like a patch quilt blanket where the glue leaves square marks all over your body lol xx

    Oh wow YES!!

    I remember that, lol

    And for the first couple of days I won't notice but don't they stink of fish? Icky!!

    Better than fag smell though xx

  • Lol they do have a funny smell and fishy is quite a good description. I hope no one else can smell them xxx

    It's flipping odd isn't it?

    Lol, I don't think anyone else can smell it but heck you smell a load better than I do right now :eek:

    Soon though!! :D :D xxx

  • Just got hubby to sniff me he said he cant smell it. xx

    Lol, there's a relief!!

    Odd question hun, but have you gone off any of your favourite perfumes? 'cos last time I did mine, and now I love it again - maybe I'm odd or it's designed for smokers :confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:

    xx

  • Well because I know I haven't got to worry about trying to smell nicer I don't put it on. But I think because we don't have horrible chemicals oozing from our pores the perfume is going to smell different. Abit like the same perfume smells different on different people. xxx

    Yeah I know what you mean!!

    I always have either perfume or body spray though, am a total girly girl :p

    Think it's the not having clingy smoke smell - I can't wear my favourite coat at the mo :( - not having the nasties coming out and being able to smell properly.

    Oh I'm so looking forward to that!!

    Lol, 2 quits ago I hated lager, last time I hated carrots- what do you think I'll hate next? xx

  • Erm maybe sausages.

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I love my sausages!!

    I think most food taste worse now, most people say food taste better Im so odd xxx

    awww that's a shame :(

    Lol, you reminded me of Dave Allen though when he talked about quitting. "I always thought food was tasteless because of the smoking, it's the cigarettes, but it isn't it's the food, it's b.loody tasteless!"

    xx

  • Could be worse kiddo, could be wine!:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

    Oh heck hun, don't even say that!! *screams*

  • :D:D:D:D:D knew that'd freak you out! :D:D:D:D

    You made my blood run cold *screams in terror*

    Ok, so patches - check!, nicotine gum - check!, Allen Carr - check!, Extra - en route!

    What else is needed to complete your a*r*s*e*n*a*l of ammunition to hurl at the stinky little oik?

    Think I've got everything, got a Tangle as well so that'll keep my hands busy, and a block of Post It's just in case :p

    Just over 2 days to go, then I'll be a non smoker!!

  • Note to the ghost of Gemma still to come

    Had literally about 3 glasses of wine tonight and dropped off on the sofa (my speciality :eek:)

    Anyway woke up and headed outside, it's raining. stood out there while I smoked, and even after the wine really didn't enjoy the experience.

    My throat burns, it doesn't taste or smell nice, I don't smell nice, and the aftertaste is minging. Plus the smoking only made me feel like you guys do most of the time anyhow - you don't need a couple of manky stink sticks to feel normal, do you?

    Am soooooo looking forward to being free of this!!

    Putting it down so I have a record that even as a smoker, I do *not* enjoy fags. Oh no, they're nasty!!

  • Attagirl! Add it to the stuff you wrote in your notebook - it'll all be useful in the days to come.

    Oh I will :D :D

    Not enjoying fags after a bit of wine is really encouraging to me - whatever the switch in my head that flicked is, I'm loving it!!

    You are forever dropping off on that sofa, we're going to have to fight to cure you of that one all over again as well aren't we?:rolleyes::D

    Lol I know - don't think I can be cured of that - unless you electrify the sofa :eek::eek::eek: Flip knows what I'll be like next week!!

  • You 2 girls ;)

    Fab aren't we? :D :D

    Nothing to be scared of Gemma.

    Nothing scary about this at all we both did it eh Kat :D xx

    Ooh I know, deep down!!

    It's just the time before the leap, makes me nervy but when I'm off it'll be fine I'm sure!!

    Now look at you two - Max in the penthouse and Kat 10 days away - how fab is that?

  • Hi Gemma

    Good luck you gave me some great advice and tips in my first few weeks etc, I really wish you the best of luck, you can do it :)

  • Aww thank you :)

    Glad to have helped!!

  • The Marlboro Man has caught on that he's on borrowed time and he's trying to scare me out of it, but no not happening mate!!

    I'll do this, might not be pretty but neither is cancer.

  • Your fellow Musketeers are with you hon, all we need is Sarah Lou and her frying pan so start warming up those Fists of Fury!:D:D:D

    I'm here ... I'm here ... *waves frying pan and is extremely out of breath from running*.

    Gem, I'm so sorry that I missed this post initially. I am so excited to see you back with us (after all, we need a third musketeer!) and just want to say how incredibly proud of you I am!

    We knew you'd return when you were good and ready and, from your post, it sounds like you definitely are! There is so much more confidence in your words than I've ever seen from you before, which tells me that this is going to be the one for you :)

    I'm ready and raring to go with my trusty (if a little battered) frying pan. I was thinking of retiring him soon (not sure why he's become a he) so let's make this the last, shall we? ;)

    Xxx

  • Almost forgot to ask ... When is the big day hun?

    Will be right there with you :) xxx

  • I'm here ... I'm here ... *waves frying pan and is extremely out of breath from running*.

    Gem, I'm so sorry that I missed this post initially. I am so excited to see you back with us (after all, we need a third musketeer!) and just want to say how incredibly proud of you I am!

    We knew you'd return when you were good and ready and, from your post, it sounds like you definitely are! There is so much more confidence in your words than I've ever seen from you before, which tells me that this is going to be the one for you :)

    I'm ready and raring to go with my trusty (if a little battered) frying pan. I was thinking of retiring him soon (not sure why he's become a he) so let's make this the last, shall we? ;)

    Xxx

    YAY I'm going to need that pan, lol!!

    Am glad to be getting back to quitting, it's taken a while but here I am :D

    Not sure what happened, but something has flicked in my head, am not even enjoying fags any more which really has to mean I'm ready :D

    Nice to see you again :) You're not far off the Penthouse now, YAY!! xxx

  • Almost forgot to ask ... When is the big day hun?

    Will be right there with you :) xxx

    Oooh, I'm thinking Monday - there's another Gemma on here who is on Champix and her quit day is supposed to be then so it'll be nice to have a quit buddy :)

    Thanks hun xxx

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