An internal conflict

All day yesterday and so far this morning, I have been fighting an internal conflict. Today is day 14 for me, but if I hadn't counted the slip it would be day 27. I was asked to deliver something to another building in work and my 'boss boss' joking said 'no smoking on the way' (I haven't made it public knowledge and am waiting to see how long it takes people to notice, so far only 2 people have lol) and my natural response was to tell him I hadn't smoked in nearly 4 weeks.

My thing is this, when I put myself back to day 1 I thought it was the best thing to do. I thought it would save any arguments on the site. Now I'm wondering if I did this without thinking? Was it a reaction to punish myself? Does it matter in the grand scheme of things?

I no longer get any real cravings, just moments of thought but again I can easily push them to the side. I refuse, as always, to be cocky or complacent although, more and more, I think of myself as a non smoker and it feels great!!!

Wishing everyone a lovely, smoke free day.

11 Replies

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  • :(sorry to hear you have an internal conflict Mark

    at the end of the day its your quit and only you can decide what day you want to be on some people think one drag one fag smoked instantling puts you back to day one

    BUT

    Thats there mind set not yours its not drawn in blood that one puff automatically sets you back to start from the beginning again

    your the only one who can choose what day your on

    a couple of years ago there was someone who had a moment of weakness on the forum and because of other peoples comments decided to go back to day one but they also decided in there own mind that going all the way back to that day was too much so they started keeping count or both times they had been quit

    again its your decision hun

    at the end of the day

    you have not smoked and are achieiving a life without smoking

    stand tall and be proud

    BTW

    WELL DONE ON STAYING QUIT

    :D:D:D

    You certainly are achieving what you set out and im so proud of you for sticking to it

    keep that in mind that your are winning your freedom back :)

    sending hugs

    Carol x

  • Mark,

    When you are celebrating a decade quit, which you will, wether it was sept or oct of 2013 you quit will seem all a bit too far ago to care.

    Carol has given you the best advice : it is entirely up to you. It is your quit the only thing I would not accept is you regularly smoking and calling it quit.

    For me personally I had to stick to NOPE and the most important bit of that for me is EVER.

    If I gave myself permission to have the odd one once I knew for sure that would be my quit gone. The fear of losing my quit saved me many times from having that one puff.

    Either way Mark we are all here to support you. And I think we will all do that regardless of what day you post in.

    Just make sure that like me your regret at puffing that one time is a good motivator for you not to do it again. And if the punishment you gave yourself then is preventing you from having another puff it is a good punishment.

    Paul

  • Hello Mark, I remember a fortnight ago you were in a really dark place and as hard as you tried to resist, you succumbed to what you thought would help and then were immediately regretful and got straight back into the saddle. Which ever way you look at it, you've quit. Don't beat yourself up over a couple of days, does it matter whether you've quit for a fortnight or a month? We are here to help and support you, not berate you for slipping, personally I would not have been in the least offended if you'd have stayed on week two, as one slip in 27 days isn't the biggest crime in the history of quitting, if you had a slip every time things got a bit sticky I think I'd feel differently about it. You are doing so well, don't dwell on one day of mistakes, dwell on 26 of staying on track - and be proud of yourself, you're worth it. ;)

  • Mark, going back to the beginning would be a nightmare for me, I'd be so miserable and unhappy. But I think that whilst the quit is in the fairly early stages, it would be fair to say that you are on Day 27 with just one little hiccup along the way. In these early stages, you need all of the help you can get, you don't need to be fretting about one teeny-weeny slip and it's not as if you've smoked a whole packet, is it?

    I reckon that if you learn from the hiccup, which I'm sure you have, you are entitled to be on Day 27 with one hiccup! That's my thinking, anyway. :)

    BUT, if you were to have another hiccup, then I don't know what I would think would be the best way to "measure" your quit so far. :confused: Let's work on making sure it doesn't come to that!

    As I said, these are just my thoughts and I know that you will be strong and I hope you will be able to resolve this ASAP, as fretting will not help with your quit, will it!

    Val

    xxx

  • All the other posters have said everything I was thinking. 27? days or so ago you decided to quit and as a result of that, you are not smoking today. Just like 5 days ago I decided to quit and as a result of that I am not smoking today (sorry, had to get that in as I'm feeling pretty proud of myself today:D). It would not bother me where you posted, it's totally your decision. If you did it to beat yourself up then un beat yourself up and go back to the original day.:)

  • Hiya Mark.

    Lets be honest here, you are not going through the same symptoms that you did when you were originally in day 1/2/3 so how can sitting in those rooms possibly be beneficial to you. Go to the day you had been on before your slip and if it makes you feel any better do what someone who was on here when I was originally, he would put day 1+27 to denote that he had slipped up, that made him feel better.

    Do not be dictated to by anyone or anything other than how you feel yourself.

    Whatever you decide has to be beneficial to you.

    I joined this site 2 years ago and the support that was around then was phenomenal, there was the odd judgemental person who thought if you did it any other way other than cold turkey then you weren't a real quitter. Im sure there will still be people around with that type of mindset, you mustn't let them affect you. Do what is right for you.

    Love

    Lillie xx

  • Well done Mark what ever day you are on!!!! you are not smoking... as all the above have said its your quit do what you want to!!!!......xxx

  • Thank you all for answering and for the kind words. What has just struck me is that although I was having this conflict I never once thought about smoking. I have decided that I will count the start of my quit rather than my slip. That means that come Wednesdsy I will be celebrating the start of month 2. It also means I have now jumped over what has usually been my downfall - week 4. All but 2 times I have fell in week 4 and this is the final time I will pass it.

  • That's the spirit, you've worked hard, take the credit and accept the fact you are better at this quitting lark than you thought. Keep strong and show that demon the door pic4ever.com/images/157fs68...

  • Glad you're still going strong Mark....personally speaking, the most important thing to learn from it all (and it seems you have done in fairness) is to note is that it was not a "slip", it was a smoke.

    It needs to be recognised as such because "slips" and "blips" are easy to forget if they're not used as lessons learned, and reluctantly given the recognition the incidents deserve.

    If it's a "slip", well, what's one more? An odd one on a night out, say? I only mention this because it's been seen on here before; we had one poor guy who claimed to be a month quit despite having just one fag when he got up, and one when he went to bed. He was soon smoking full time again, as we all would. So how many "blips" ruin a quit? Two? Three? As has been said, each to their own, but we all know what these ciggies are like, they hook you so fast we can't afford to let them in, not even once.

    As Popo said it won't matter in time, it's what's you've done today (or not done today in our case!) that counts; I ummed and ahhed about two days, in counting terms, in my early days. Now I'm approaching 16 months, it's not important. I knocked those two days off my quit date after a bit though, it rankled until I did. That's just me though. You probably will too when you're months in. Or a year?

    When you've forgotten how many days quit you are, you'll know real freedom. You have the positivity to do that, so keep with it ;)

  • Thank you all for answering and for the kind words. What has just struck me is that although I was having this conflict I never once thought about smoking. I have decided that I will count the start of my quit rather than my slip. That means that come Wednesdsy I will be celebrating the start of month 2. It also means I have now jumped over what has usually been my downfall - week 4. All but 2 times I have fell in week 4 and this is the final time I will pass it.

    I'll be here on Wednesday to cheer you on... We'll done a Mark!

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