Day 2 and a bit-threating a little

Hi all just joined the site. Im on day 2 and a bit of being smokefree. I smoke roughly 15-25 roll ups per day. Usually 15 but if im out drinking or sitting on the internet at home then I can easily smoke up to 25. I dont use a filter or roach, I smoke or shall I say smoked the lighter tobacco. I managed to quit once for 3-4 months, willpower only. Then whilst pregnant for 7 months but started when baby was 8 weeks. Then last October for 5 days, but my little demons talked me out of it and I told myself i will never quit again as im a smoker and always will be??

I'm worried for my health and keep thinking that I wont be there for my children or i will but will have loads of health problems just like my mum and dad. I get breathless quickly, wake up in the morning and feel crappy and now im worried that I have a lung problem because I have had a sort of pain/ache in my shoulder but im convinced its the top of my lung as it feels worse when I breathe in! Seeing GP tomorrow for adivce/support/help.

In my job I see a lot of medical problems within our patients. Heart disease, strokes, mental health problems, diabetes, brain damage. I dont want to be like them.

Most of the time I feel great and really proud of myself but now and again get these almost over whelming feelings of DOOM! I know im thinking too far ahead but I cant help it. My thoughts are going to when I eventually have a nite out or visit friends & family who all smoke. Not being a part of that social group. Nothing to look forward to, when i'm stressed, sad, excited even, what do I turn to??? My gum, my bottle of water??? Life just seems boring and empty without a cigerette or the thought of me being able to reach for one when in need. I feel like a part of my personality has gone, is missing, like im not happy??? I no its messed up totally, sad even but hey its what im feeling. I feel better having fount this forum and am sorry if ive rabbited on!

Has anyone else felt like this?

13 Replies

oldestnewest
  • Feeling like you've lost a bit of who you are is really common and as time passes will fade. I feel like that too but keep thinking that we've been smokers for a long time and we can't just undo it overnight.

    Take your quit a little at a time, hour by hour if needs be and worry about future events when they arise, you may be in a better frame of mind by then and more able to deal with being around other smokers.

    And yes water is boring but it does work. Keep with this, the first few days are the hardest.;)

  • Hiya Laydk and welcome :)

    Honestly, don't worry!! We've all felt like that, know i did. The idea of going through a stressful time, a night out, a good time - whatever - without having my fags with me? Absolutely terrifying. Even when I got totally fed up with smoking, I kept the fags I had left over to smoke on my next night out because my poor addict brain couldn't see how I could have a drink or 3 without smoking - *but* I didn't need them, you don't need fags they solve nothing.

    The only thing that keeps us smoking is fear - the fear you've got what I said up there ^^ all of it.

    We think that smoking solves something, it fills a need in us but it doesn't - it *creates* the need in the first place - look around you at all the non-smokers, do they need to smoke to feel happy and good? Nope they definitely don't - to them the idea of sucking on a burning tube to cope is ridiculous!!

    You will be absolutely fine, seriously you will - what you're feeling now is totally normal but it doesn't last and soon you'll wonder what the heck you worried about!!

    When I look back at the posts I made on here early in my quit I don't recognise the woman that wrote them - the same is true of a lot of quitters here, because we realise that the fears weren't founded on anything at all :)

    What you're doing to yourself now is one of the best things you can do - smoking doesn't make anything better, doesn't make happy times happier, nothing - it just makes us pong, cough and spend a lot of money to poison ourselves!!

  • Thank youuuu

    Thanks a lot for your comments. Its really the only i've received since quitting.

    Everyone I no smokes and you can hear in there voice when I talk about it that they think I will fail and im not ready. My sister actually made me cry after I spoke to her yesterday. Because she said I have a lot of stress and there will come a point in life when we will just stop, well I think im at that point? thats the idea!

    Yes Gemma i am doing that, thinking 'well non smokers still have a good time and enjoy everything i do just without the cigs!'

    I will try be positive and maybe come on here whenim feeling down???

  • Thanks a lot for your comments. Its really the only i've received since quitting.

    That's what's so fab about this place :)

    Everyone here is going through or has gone through what you are - we all want you to succeed, hell some of the posters on here have dragged me by the hair away from smokes, lol.

    Everyone I no smokes and you can hear in there voice when I talk about it that they think I will fail and im not ready. My sister actually made me cry after I spoke to her yesterday. Because she said I have a lot of stress and there will come a point in life when we will just stop, well I think im at that point? thats the idea!

    It's an odd feeling when you're a smoker and someone quits, am sure you know it, but it makes you feel guilty that they're doing something that you want to (even if they deny it, *all* smokers want to quit) so it's weird!!

    My family (all non-smokers btw) expected me to fail, my friends wouldn't have been at all surprised 'cos I've had plenty of failed quits but on here? They all expected me to succeed and guess what? I did :D :D

    There does come a point you want to stop - and it can be pretty sudden, mine was. I went from being happy to smoke until I died, not wanting to quit in the least and really enjoying my ciggies to being totally fed up with it and hating the fact I smoked. We all get there and I think you have!!

    Yes Gemma i am doing that, thinking 'well non smokers still have a good time and enjoy everything i do just without the cigs!'

    Great, half the battle of quitting is in your head!!

    It's why we sound a bit mad on here, talking about nicotine Demons and stuff because that's what it feels like - but all of us on here have beaten it :D :D

    I will try be positive and maybe come on here whenim feeling down???

    Come on here as often as you like hun :)

    Whenever you need praise or encouragement, or even hair dragging :p someone will be really happy to help!!

    Especially if you're craving 'cos it's a good distraction apart from anything else!!

  • Hi LadyK. Sometimes, I find myself romanticising the fags and I actually start to believe perhaps it wasn't so bad and asking myself did I really want to stop. Luckily, right at the start of my quit, I wrote a letter to Mr Amber Leaf and told him exactly why I was ending it with him..at shaky times, re-reading that letter has helped refocus my mind. However you do it, just keep to mind the reasons you are quitting and it will help. I wish you all the best, you're doing this for you and nobody else and boy will it be worth it :D

  • Yes so true. Because i was the same with others when they say they want to quit. It highlights how i feel & makes me feel guilty because i cant do it.

    Gosh sone thoughts going on now. My eldest son was just being so mean, throwing an 8 year old tantrum then he said why dont you just go out and buy some fags, go on i dont care. I told him actually no because i dont want to! Situations like that make you think sod it! But i didn't.

    At the moment i think its definitly the reasons why i dont want to smoke pulling me through my cravings......dont know how long that will last. But reading your comments are v helpful, ty xxx

  • Yes so true. Because i was the same with others when they say they want to quit. It highlights how i feel & makes me feel guilty because i cant do it.

    Yep i remember that, and believe me if I can quit you can!!

    At the moment i think its definitly the reasons why i dont want to smoke pulling me through my cravings......dont know how long that will last. But reading your comments are v helpful, ty xxx

    You'll be through the worst bit in a few days, they're the tough ones!! Get them over with and things look better :)

    Are you using any NRT?

  • No i'm on will power & determination alone. In my head i think if use nrt i may as well smoke.

    Right now there is a little demon sitting on my shoulder whispering negative things to me. It is telling me soon i will smoke again, probably tomorrow. I'm indoors with the kids alone, they are asleep. I'm fighting this little demon though because iam on this forum & i'm going to enjoy a bath soon. Then i may watch some videos that ive seen someone post about lungs.......**** you demons!!!!! I want to just kick the little F****r out of my head!

    Its like he has video footage of me in a couple of weeks maybe at a friends house or somewhere nice having a bbq, or maybe the caravan i'm going away to with the family in the next half term & hes laughing because on the video i cave in & i have a cig, then i think sod it & i start smoking again, all thoughts of quitting behind me, i was stupid to think i could've quit. He is telling me if i smoke in the future i may as well smoke now??? Go on you know your gonna.....!!!!!!!!

    F*** offfffffffff.........i'm getting in the bath........ I might have a cry to......... Or now......be back soon x

  • No i'm on will power & determination alone. In my head i think if use nrt i may as well smoke.

    Then you'll be nicotine free by the end of tomorrow, which is fab!!

    You're going to be feeling way better soon :D

    Right now there is a little demon sitting on my shoulder whispering negative things to me. It is telling me soon i will smoke again, probably tomorrow. I'm indoors with the kids alone, they are asleep. I'm fighting this little demon though because iam on this forum & i'm going to enjoy a bath soon. Then i may watch some videos that ive seen someone post about lungs.......**** you demons!!!!! I want to just kick the little F****r out of my head!

    Its like he has video footage of me in a couple of weeks maybe at a friends house or somewhere nice having a bbq, or maybe the caravan i'm going away to with the family in the next half term & hes laughing because on the video i cave in & i have a cig, then i think sod it & i start smoking again, all thoughts of quitting behind me, i was stupid to think i could've quit. He is telling me if i smoke in the future i may as well smoke now??? Go on you know your gonna.....!!!!!!!!

    That's exactly what it feels like, it really *is* a demon but you can kill it!!

    Every day you don't smoke he gets weaker and weaker - and Kat on here has got some violent ways of dealing with him :p

    In a couple of weeks, you will be feeling a lot stronger - but don't think about the future now :)

    This evening you won't smoke. Then when you wake up tomorrow say "I won't smoke today" take it hour by hour if you like, and before long you'll be days, weeks, months into your smoke free life.

    Maybe pick up a copy of Allen Carr's Easyway - that will really help you :)

    F*** offfffffffff.........i'm getting in the bath........ I might have a cry to......... Or now......be back soon x

    Enjoy your soak!!

    Nothing wrong with having a cry - heck i did plenty early on but this definitely doesn't last :D

    See you soon hun x

  • Had a bath & sobbed 😭😩😥i feel really low right now, i was so good last night and the night before. Whats happened? I just feel like i cant cope with all this quitting malarky.......but in the mornings there is nothing better than when you wake up and think i'm smoke free, i almost forget for a minute or two then i remember and feel great. If i was to smoke tonight and i woke in the morning i would feel like absolute crap!!! I know what i would prefer......cmon Kim you know you can do this....you know you are better then this.....imagine discovering the Kim who is not a smoker.....the world would be my oyster...wouldn't it???????

  • Yeah i'm definitly going to find that book. Thanks guys, its so helpful, almost like my diary

    Xxx

  • Had a bath & sobbed 😭😩😥i feel really low right now, i was so good last night and the night before. Whats happened? I just feel like i cant cope with all this quitting malarky.......but in the mornings there is nothing better than when you wake up and think i'm smoke free, i almost forget for a minute or two then i remember and feel great. If i was to smoke tonight and i woke in the morning i would feel like absolute crap!!! I know what i would prefer......cmon Kim you know you can do this....you know you are better then this.....imagine discovering the Kim who is not a smoker.....the world would be my oyster...wouldn't it???????

    Awww, it's not nice is it?

    You do get good days and bad days but you will have lots more good than bad!! It only gets better the longer you're smoke free :)

    You feel so much freer when you don't smoke!! No more worrying about where you can have one, are you running out, blah blah - it's a prison and you're getting free :)

    Course you can do it!!

    Heck, even I can and I've got no willpower :p

  • Hi Lady K and welcome to the forum :)

    I just wanted to say a huge well done for making the decision to get that little devil kicked out of your life for good! It sounds as though you're having a tough time at the minute, but please believe me when I tell you it gets easier. And it feels so good!! Just hang in there, you're doing great! Xxx

You may also like...