Hi all just joined the site. Im on day 2 and a bit of being smokefree. I smoke roughly 15-25 roll ups per day. Usually 15 but if im out drinking or sitting on the internet at home then I can easily smoke up to 25. I dont use a filter or roach, I smoke or shall I say smoked the lighter tobacco. I managed to quit once for 3-4 months, willpower only. Then whilst pregnant for 7 months but started when baby was 8 weeks. Then last October for 5 days, but my little demons talked me out of it and I told myself i will never quit again as im a smoker and always will be??
I'm worried for my health and keep thinking that I wont be there for my children or i will but will have loads of health problems just like my mum and dad. I get breathless quickly, wake up in the morning and feel crappy and now im worried that I have a lung problem because I have had a sort of pain/ache in my shoulder but im convinced its the top of my lung as it feels worse when I breathe in! Seeing GP tomorrow for adivce/support/help.
In my job I see a lot of medical problems within our patients. Heart disease, strokes, mental health problems, diabetes, brain damage. I dont want to be like them.
Most of the time I feel great and really proud of myself but now and again get these almost over whelming feelings of DOOM! I know im thinking too far ahead but I cant help it. My thoughts are going to when I eventually have a nite out or visit friends & family who all smoke. Not being a part of that social group. Nothing to look forward to, when i'm stressed, sad, excited even, what do I turn to??? My gum, my bottle of water??? Life just seems boring and empty without a cigerette or the thought of me being able to reach for one when in need. I feel like a part of my personality has gone, is missing, like im not happy??? I no its messed up totally, sad even but hey its what im feeling. I feel better having fount this forum and am sorry if ive rabbited on!
Has anyone else felt like this?