And what i mean is, actually deciding, 'hey, i think i'll take up smoking.' I'd be surprised if anyone actually does, because i'd be surprised if it was a choice anyone made. And yet here we are, on a board helping each other quit something that none of us wanted to start in the first place.
I remember sneaking out to buy 'just one pack' of cigarettes & smoking them by the window in the dark so nobody would know. They didn't need to know, it was just one pack. It's not like i was addicted anyway, i wasn't buying any more once they were gone. That was 15 years ago.
15 years of unwittingly smelling (& tasting) like a burnt out Ford Focus, of wondering 'where's the £100 i had at the start of the week gone?', of needing a 3 hour nap after navigating a flight of steps, of turning down holidays & nights out because 'i can't afford it', of waking up with a hangover in spite of not having a drink, of having a complexion that should get me a walk-on part in the next series of The Walking Dead, and many delightful benefits yet to come, all paid through the nose for.
"But i enjoy it!" was my usual response to people asking why i don't quit. I enjoy cheesecake, but i don't get homicidal urges if i don't have a slice every hour.
"I'm quitting tomorrow!" i said. Every day. 15 years of breaking promises i made to people, & trying to justify a self destructive & utterly pointless habit.
If someone had stopped me 15 years ago in the street & asked, "Can you give me an obscene amount of money & i'll ensure you smell horrendous, feel like crap every day & have a slow premature death?" i'd have thought they were insane. Yet i did it anyway.
So i'm not doing this anymore.