Ashamed!!

[nsd_user663_56203]

Hi everyone, I have just signed up for this forum after finding it on google. I stopped smoking on 23rd December 2012 using Champix. 79 days and 1028 cigarettes not smoked. This is the second time that I have quit for more than a day or two and for the first 9 weeks I was feeling really good. However the past few weeks I have been really depressed.

My tummy is dreadful. The constipation and flatulence are, to put it mildly, offensive and I have been really craving badly. I was starting to wonder if it is all worth it. I have also been really tearful and moody and finding it really difficult to concentrate.

Now today stuck at home on a snow day, struggling with studying, I have succumbed and had a cigarette. I now feel so disappointed and disgusted with myself. Have I totally ruined everything? Shall I start taking champix again or some NRT to get me through this? I don't WANT to smoke - really I don't. I like smelling fresh, not being a slave to the fags and being richer. I like being able to run 5k just like that and being able to breath. I just hate feeling like this and I am sure that the family are getting fed up with me being miserable and stinky

Help please

[nsd_user663_56203]

Thanks for the speedy replies. I have just had the one. My OH still smokes and so they are around, and it truly hasn't bothered me until the last 2 weeks or so. Work is really stressful at the moment. We have had a lot of changes that I am struggling with. Not because of the changes, but I am under a lot of pressure and scrutiny and that has left me feeling really vulnerable.

If we hadn't had a snow day then I am sure that I wouldn't have had the the fag - it's just being at home and stuck inside. Normally I would have gone for a run or walked the dogs.

I don't have anymore cigarettes - I took one out of OH packet, smoked half when he went to work, chucked the rest in disgust and then went and brushed my teeth!!

[nsd_user663_56203]

Kat and Max - thank you for your kind encouraging words. Only someone who has done this can know how bad it can make you feel. My life is good, so I shouldn't feel depressed, I honestly think it's these goddam little white sticks that we are all so preoccupied with.

Now that I have joined this forum, I will set aside some time each day, no matter how busy to have a look a read, share some experience and try to gain some inspiration from everyone that has made it.

[nsd_user663_4558]

HWM - give yourself a break, it's not the end of the world. Everybody has had a blip or even a series of them. Have you got a copy of A Carrs book. Many use it to keep on the straight and narrow by referencing appropriate sections and recapping on them when needed. Just look at the positive you have done and pick yourself up and carry on.

[nsd_user663_56203]

Thanks Dicko - easier to be hard on yourself though isn't it? I used to have a copy of Allen Carr years ago. Not sure what happened to it. Perhaps I'll get another.

Thanks for the encouragement.

[nsd_user663_54554]

Yep, I agree with what they all said HWM!

Personally the odd day where I work from home these days is the hardest, don't know why, but it's probably the isolation for just a few hours, plays with the mind a bit. Rubbish isn't it? :rolleyes:

I'd say treat it as a blip and carry on, chances are if you feel tomorrow the same way you felt yesterday then you can write it off as a solitary moment of dippyness. That's what I think I'd do, carry on with stuff and forget it happened - no kerfuffle, no consequence, onwards and upwards!

[nsd_user663_6426]

Awww HWM,

Like the others have said give yourself a break. Personally I used to find the three month mark the hardest. There's a thread on here somewhere that discusses the terrible three's....three days, three weeks, three months. For some reason these seem to be hard for quite a few of us. That thread (I'm sure someone will help to find it) really helped me when I read it as it goes through the psychology of it a bit.

You've done really well to resist smoking a whole pack. That's what I used to do when I relapsed, so much kudos for only smoking half a cig. Dust yourself off, stay on the forum and post, post, post when you're feeling vulnerable. This forum was the best thing I did when I quit smoking, there are such lovely, supportive people on here it's unreal. All the best and you're not on your own. Plus, there's loads that have given in too....but a lot of us get there in the end. You just have to keep trying until you achieve THE QUIT. The quit that's the one for good. I think personally you have to a few blips in the beginning so you can learn how to cope smokefree and learn from our mistakes. All the best anyway and good luck.

Lisa x

[nsd_user663_54620]

I agree with everyone here. I think you should forgive yourself. Good on you for not devouring the whole packet!! Think of this as a reminder. The next time a crave hits remember exactly how it was. Remember the bad taste and how it was not as satisfying as it was before. With any luck this can be a good thing! If you let it be your reminder of how gross it is then you can make this slip into a positive thing.

[nsd_user663_56237]

Thanks Dicko - easier to be hard on yourself though isn't it? I used to have a copy of Allen Carr years ago. Not sure what happened to it. Perhaps I'll get another.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Hi Mum

I've just bought a used copy of Allen Carr's book from play.com. It was only £3.50, and will hopefully give me an insightful read, so worth every penny!

Good luck and remember not to be too hard on yourself! You've done brilliantly so far. Don't let the fear of failure drag you down!

x