I am so ashamed

Well after 74 days I broke, I gave in. I've had half a cigarette. I am so ashamed and disappointed with myself.

I don't know what was different about today but I've been awake since 5 and the craving got worse and worse to a point I thought I was going to explode.

I can't even say I enjoyed it but I did feel better after and I'm scared now I'm going to slip up and go back on the smokes.

What the hell is wrong with me, if I can't even give up when I've been told I could get seriously Ill due to smoking.

:( :(

15 Replies

  • 74 days WOW amazing, at least you now know, it really did not do anything for you,

    Look at how well you have done.

    Improved your health

    Don't smell

    Better lung capacity

    Not having to go out side every hour or so.

    So many reasons, To stay quit.

    A couple of puffs is not going to make much difference to your quit, just get back on the wagon and keep going, I,m sure deep down you don't want another first week.

    All is not lost. Just keep going,

  • You've done so well, Madmummy - Tracey's right, look how far you've come. You can still do this - you said you can't even say you enjoyed that half; that's great, use it to strengthen your resolve not to do it again.

    I think it's important to remember that smoking isn't just something you give up - it's not only a habit like buying a certain brand of pickle or using a certain mug for your coffee - it's a nasty addiction, which it takes time to train yourself out of, as well as being a deeply ingrained habit.

    So don't be too hard on yourself for slipping up - this is a really tough fight against a really strong opponent. You just lost this one little round - after winning every single other round for the last 74 days. You can win again. You're strong.


  • Hey Honey....remember...repeat to yourself over & over:

    "One bear doesn't make me an alcoholic...half a cigarette WILL NOT make you a smoker!!!"

    Just think...pls. Do not allow yourself to think of you as a failure, do not listen to your junkie brain or anyone that tells you different.

    What you had was a oooops...that's it. Just forget about it and do not pls listen to anyone that tells you any different.

    I made that mistake and end up smoking again. I am trying over & over to stop, but can't get my head around it anymore. All because I listened to what other people were saying, I should have kept my head up and kept going.

    A stupid half a cig is not more or less than a stupid half a cig.

    Be strong, I told you before, I really look up to you, you are a strong independent woman that has gone through so much don't allow a oooops to knock you down.

    Sending you my love :) m.

  • Hello my lovely, have you decided? Are you giving quitting a shot, or are you smoking ?

    Please don't feel to bad, indeed many many people have little hiccups

  • Tracey , me or mad mum?

    I have decided a long time ago, I don't want to smoke but I am failing terribly.

    I feel I am fighting with myself every day.

    Since I had the relapse, I reset my count and lasted for 1 week, smoked 2 days and reset again...it's just embarrassing, that's why I haven't been posting anything about me because I am no example for anyone.

    I'm becoming one of those cronic quitters and I am not one bit proud of it.

    I'm not here to get attention, I am not an attention seeker, I am actually still here because I am hoping one day it will jut happen, I will never give up giving up.

    I honestly and sincerely do not want to be a smoker, but Im not sure anymore that I have what it takes.

    I am also struggling personally with a lot of different issues in my life and that's not helping either.

    I cannot smoke, I have serious health issues..

    Well, the decision is made, but how to get there is taking me a lot to figure it out.

  • Madmummy please do not feel ashamed. Please just forget it ever happened because if you dwell on it it will only put smoking in your brain again. You know your better off without them. Just move on with your fantastic quit. We all know what a strong hold this addiction has on us but we can beat it. xxx

  • Please dont my feel bad, you are you.

    I know life happens.

    In the last two years.

    Mum died on my birthday while I we as abroad.

    I had two eye operations, booth gone wrong so have am glass eye,that's a struggle

    Husband is having a affair

    Gave up my job, as could not cope an more due to my eye.

    Have a crippling condition , been on steroids for Twenty years. Not great

    One of my children is a drug addict,heart breaking.

    We all have external pressures but I want you to succeed, I know you can my lovely.

    I wish you well, and do hope you choose smoke free life it will get easier

  • respect to you!! Tracey, I feel your pain xxx

    I have none of that, I am just sad, just cant get up, thats all. ...so compared to you, I am fine. xxx

  • Tracey, that's a heck of a lot to deal with - you're amazing to carry on offering so much support to others through all of that. I second mmaya's respect!


  • Oh I forgot to say, your not a embarrassment , quitting the weed is hard, but doable, you can do my sweet you can, just believe, bit by bit, that's all you need to do.

    Thinking of you

  • Hi everyone, well its been 12 hours since that half and I can honestly say I really don't want to go back to it. I have no idea what caused it this morning but I'm glad in a funny way it happened because it cemented the thought that I really don't want to smoke. (My cup of tea tasted foul after that half :confused:)

    I was honest with my 12 year old this morning and told her I had half of cigarette, I think she knew because I could smell it on me so she probably could as well, and I could just see the disappointment in her eyes (this from the girl who said she liked me smoking because I wasn't moody) and that was just awful, I have promised her to shout and scream if I feel the need again and she will hold my hand through it.

    We have spent the day on the sofa watching Hop. (A film about the Easter Bunny) and gorging on chocolate most of the day, we have all decided we are going out for a picnic tomorrow and have some fun.

    Mmaya please don't give up giving up, you CAN and WILL do it, please don't wait until it's too late. Promise me you will keep trying.

    Tracey, you are an inspiration after all that's happened you still managed to quit and keep quit, I truly think you are amazing and hope I can be at least half as good as you.

    Well day 75 may have started badly but it will end well :D

    MM xxxxx

  • Perfect! so happy...Ive been checking the forum all afternoon hoping to read this!

    Well done xxx

  • That's wonderful news Madmummy!

    Massive respect to you for being open with your daughter, and to her for agreeing to hold your hand. I know at times it's been hard for me to admit to my girl that I'd slipped AGAIN, and at times she had given up on me ever stopping, which was heartbreaking. Glad you've avoided that!

    I'm really glad for you that your blip is just a blip. Happy picnic tomorrow - hope the sun shines for you x

  • So so happy for you, as your quit progresses, I can say all of a sudden you will realise that indeed you have not thought of smoking, untill it's a thought not a urge or crave.

    Brilliant news my lovely, have great day tomorrow

  • Hi

    I have not spoke to you much on here yet but I think it's great you just moved on from a blip today. Keep going and enjoy your fun tommorrow. I watched Hop today as well with my son. I was thinking it was great that I have sat lately and watched stuff with him without getting off for a cigarette and then not going back because I lose interest!! It's hard this quitting but we are gaining so much all the time. 75 days is impressive x

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