A bit down!

Hello all

Hope this thread finds you all well?

I have to admit that I am again finding it tough (again), I have now been quit over 5 months and since month 3 when it was all a breeze I am finding it more and more difficult to stay quit!

The worse thing is I don't know why, I should be happy, I feel fitter even though I have put on weight that I can't seem to shift, I smell better, whiter teeth, all the positive buzz points! To help me through this I have started reading day 1 quit forum again as I seem to have symptoms of a new quitter.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant, if anyone out there, feels similar or can shed any light why I feel like this then I would be grateful if you would respond to this with any advice

Take care all

20 Replies

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  • Hi Shaun,

    Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I'm coming to the end of the first month (for the second time) and had been doing great up until today. In my case I think the problem is that I've let the smoking myths creep in to my head again, and that suconsciously i am thinking everything would be ok if i could just smoke now - but of course that is just rubbish, how can putting poison into your lungs possibly help at all!!

    trouble is those myths are very strongly imprinted - best of luck!

  • No stranger to mind games.

    Hi there.

    Without the downs you wouldn't know what the UPS are like and how GOOD they are. Be patient and strong. I'm with you all the way. 3rd day for me --- 5 months !!!! you're a STAR!!!!

    Don't let the mind games fool you. Tell 'em where to go !!!

  • Hi Shaun,

    Over the months I've had patches of feeling like that for a few days here and there. I think when it happens, you just have to batten down the hatches and ride out the storm. You know you don't really want to start smoking again, and you have to ignore the voice of your inner junkie. Because this will pass, and if you stick it out you will start to feel better. But if you cave.... well. There is nothing good in that scenario.

    You're not alone, please don't cave in and live to regret it.

    H

  • Shaun, i failed last year at 6months quit.. i too felt better in every way! money health etc! even smoking was quite far from my mind! until i thought bugger it and bought some one stupid day on holiday! i look back on that day with complete regret!..... because its so much harder to get back into it once again, been trying to keep a quit going ever since! Im sure you wont smoke! but i promise you this, it wont be at all what you expect from it...and you will be very sorry indeed.... Hope things get better for you

  • it wont be at all what you expect from it...and you will be very sorry indeed....

    kitkat can u explain exactly wat it was like i think it could help blow alot of myths away and take away alot of peoples imagination of how it would be compare to how it really is

    it crosses my mind sometimes and i can only go on my own imagination if i had a discription of the gritty truth it may make those moments easier to deal with

  • kitkat can u explain exactly wat it was like i think it could help blow alot of myths away and take away alot of peoples imagination of how it would be compare to how it really is

    it crosses my mind sometimes and i can only go on my own imagination if i had a discription of the gritty truth it may make those moments easier to deal with

    Its hard to explain, but i will try...here goes! you come to the moment of breaking that quit..whether it is just in complete temper...upset, frustration ...or that you think you are in control and that you will get back to your quit tomorrow! of course all this is in your mind! but in reality it isnt that easy ...

    you buy that pack of 10.... (you only buy 10 because you think your not going to smoke anymore) .....so from the very moment of purchase your already thinking of being quit! (senseless ....a little,) but the overpowering urge to smoke knocks down every little bit of courage and good thoughts you have about not smoking...even the hard work gone into your quit goes out the window. You get home...still thinking that you will not smoke tomorrow! you open the packet, like an old ritual coming back, it feels a bit nice, but even at that moment of opening the pack makes you feel very uncomfortable..

    You have a 2nd thought..should i..or shouldnt I....you talk yourself into smoking them because youve just spent over 3 quid on buying them. still thinking i wont smoke tomorrow... i can do it etc etc! .... you smoke the first one! dosnt taste too nice at all! but you get that buzz dizzy sensation in your head that you got all that time ago when you first began your smoking career! that part gives you a nice warmth, like a memory ...... you have another one! ...it feels ok... you think you are in control but you are not! come about the 3rd cigarette, you begin to cry, you feel desperate, you are now thinking wtf have i done! you begin to think how happy you was has a non smoker, you start to get back all you reasons why you quit in the first place, you feel let down! the dissapointment that you will feel is like nothing you will have felt before....you continue to smoke the rest of the cigarettes just because.

    You tell yourself that you wont smoke tomorrow.....tomorrow arrives! you buy some more, you tell yourself you arent strong enough yet and best to leave it a bit to get your head together again....... Of course all these things that you are telling yourself are all lies to make yourself feel better! ....

    You never give up trying once you know you can go a reasonable time without it! ...... wasting all that time and energy on stopping and starting is deeply embedded in my mind! ........ so 3 things... it will taste like sh*t, you will feel drained & ill after the first few (already feeling the poisons going back into you).... and the overwhelming dissapointment is not worth it .. not one bit.

    just my personal experence, but in my opinion if someone breaks a quit and is okay about it, like dosnt feel any upset or regret, then they never really wanted to quit in the first place.

    sorry gone on a bit... haha hope ive helped :)

  • thank u kitkat that puts alot of myths to bed when i am in sensible frame of mind i pretty much imagine it as u describe

    but wen i feel down and craving i imagine it to be a wonderful feeling of releif , my time alone back again, puffing smoke rings , having a feeling of relaxation whilst sat of a fluffy white cloud

    i will read your post wen i am having a bad time and get my sensible head back on alot quicker

  • Brilliant post Kitkat - everyone who is remotely tempted to smoke again should read this. I do come quite close occasionally and have had many of the thoughts you describe!

  • Here here, KK, a great reminder. I came so damn close to breaking my quit on Thursday it just isn't funny. What surprises me in retrospect was that all the positives of staying quit - 'but I feel so much better/ healthier/ cleaner' - didn't matter at all. The urge to smoke was too strong for me to focus on the positive stuff. A cigarette seemed like the single most desirable thing in the world.

    The only thing that got me through was the thought that I'd hang on just until tomorrow, and if I still wanted to smoke then I'd let myself. Tomorrow came, and I felt better and stronger, the overpowering urges were gone and the quit was saved. Scary, scary close thing.

    I know that your post would have been exactly my experience if I'd caved. And I'm storing it up, in case this ever happens to me again.

    So thanks again.

  • Boo, I don't know how to do that fancy 'quote' thing but you said:

    but wen i feel down and craving i imagine it to be a wonderful feeling of releif , my time alone back again, puffing smoke rings , having a feeling of relaxation whilst sat of a fluffy white cloud

    Think again about that fluffy white cloud, covered in dropped ash, probably with burn-holes in it, and remember that awful smell! Keep being an 'angel' not a devil!:cool:

    I dropped my last quit the same as KitKat did and she is so right - it was a disgusting and miserable experience. It honestly felt like that very first cigarette but I idiotically forced myself to carry on as I had decided I didn't want to be a non-smoker anymore (how stupid does that sound!). This time I am ready!

    One month, two weeks, three days, 16 hours, 28 minutes and 2 seconds. 1430 cigarettes not smoked, saving £500.70. Life saved: 4 days, 23 hours, 10 minutes.

  • great post kk (and great question boo), you are so right about buying only a packet of ten!! that thought of still being in control even though clearly that is not the case! next time i fell like quitting the quit i hope i manage to tell myself that i must buy 20 (or 100), because 1 means back to addiction,

  • I agree KK, that’s a great description of when you decided to smoke again, because you all know you can’t just have one puff can you, it’s a choice you make for whatever reason but you are going to be a smoker again and there is usually a big gap before you are in a position to quit again, 20 years was my gap and I lit up after 11 months because my Husband at the time cheated on me grrrr LOL and I can honestly say that when I rolled that first cig after all that time and I put it in my mouth and lit it I knew I was a smoker again, there wasn’t a thought of I will quit tomorrow, so I now know I wasn’t committed to the quit in the first place.

    The first cig made me feel really ill, I was sick to the point where I had to kneel on the floor because the room was spinning and I felt physically sick, it gave me a massive headache and I still continued to smoke, I don’t think I enjoyed any one of the first few dozen cigs maybe even more than that, but I still smoked, I felt as though someone had sealed up half of my wind pipe and my lungs felt tight and I couldn’t walk so well without getting puffed and that was in the first week or two, did I quit again, no like I said it took me 20 years and some scary health happenings, you do not realise how good quitting smoking makes you feel till you start to smoke again.

    So you know what the answer is NOPE NOT ONE PUFF EVER you will only feel better for it I promise, and it gets better and better especially once you get to about 7/8 months and when you hit the year you will be so chuffed you would hate to smoke and let yourself down.

  • Crikey, Kitkat! I could really see myself in your description of what's it's like to start up again, even though I've been stopped for over 8 months now, and have absolutely no intention or even desire to start up again.

    But, basically I know that if I did hesitate I could easily find myself behaving and thinking exactly like you say. The appeal would suck me in, the experience would be a mix of pleasure and disgust, but the guilt afterwards would absolutely kill me!

    Best not to even go there in the first place! :eek:

    Alex.

  • "Take it easy"

    its amazing to read your struggle (although im preparing and realize this process will take most likley 9 months.) I am at 13 days (day away from 2 weeks) patch user. I had a bad day to, its important to know your not alone in that craving. Your body doesnt need those chemicals. Your doing great!

  • wow, Im happy now i tried to describe the feeling of breaking a quit,and thanks for asking Boo, ... i never expected so many responses, and it makes me feel good that an experience of one can help another! :)

  • Nice one Kit Kat, speaking as the person who started this rant! Sorry thread, I want to thank you for your honest response. I am certain it has helped all who read this.

    Take care

  • kitkat

    u have helped so many people

    i think every quitter wonders wat that ONE cigarette would be like somewhere down the line

    your discription gives us the insight of that

    i know u have lost a quit in order to write this but at least something good has come out of a bad situation

    i appriciate your time writing it

  • Hello all

    Hope this thread finds you all well?

    I have to admit that I am again finding it tough (again), I have now been quit over 5 months and since month 3 when it was all a breeze I am finding it more and more difficult to stay quit!

    The worse thing is I don't know why, I should be happy, I feel fitter even though I have put on weight that I can't seem to shift, I smell better, whiter teeth, all the positive buzz points! To help me through this I have started reading day 1 quit forum again as I seem to have symptoms of a new quitter.

    Anyway, thanks for listening to my rant, if anyone out there, feels similar or can shed any light why I feel like this then I would be grateful if you would respond to this with any advice

    Take care all

    hi shaun

    hope u are having a better few days sorry i kinda took over the thread with my question to kitkat hope u dont mind and i hope it helped u as well as all the others on here

    we all go through bad patches even quite a way into a quit i remember about four months in i was having a hard time and contemplating that i could have a sneaky fag on a sunday wen everyone is out of the house i could shower clean teeth etc and no one would ever know i was obsessed with this for about 2 or 3 sundays in a row and thought about it in the later part of the week building up to the weekend but it passed and got better and so will you each stage is sent to try us and make us stronger

    keep reading and keep strong

  • Cool :cool: I am so pleased my failings could possibly help the next person not to make the same mistakes......The thought of finding comfort in that one cigarette is not real...no comfort will be found! I swear. Ask anyone else whos previously failed.

  • Kitkat - Brilliant Post !! I am going to copy and paste your words and email them to myself so I can look at them whenever I feel tempted.

    For this I thank you.

    Mark

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