Six months quit and threw it down the drain!

Threw a good quit away whilst on holiday, why? Cos i'm a twat! Was having a bad day, had no nicotine lozengers left and got it into my head a cig would make it better!

Did it, hell no, the demon came back and held me tight! He's been holding me since Sunday and I can already feel the affects! Mental torture, sore chest, poor sleep and that dull feeling when you wake up!

I have been getting more reliant on the lozengers this past month or so, i thought they gave me a 'lift' when i needed it which seemed to be happening more often.

Its time to get back on the wagon before I sink too deep!

Just wish I could get it, always end up back in this position!

Time to buck up and do this once and for all!

17 Replies

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  • Oh dear Mrs M. I so feel for you, six months is amazing, it's just a horrid situation for you be in now. You sound so disappointed in your self:(

    I had a relaspe as I call it, and choose to start again, but must say it was not as difficult as anticipated, so do hope you can find strength, to pick your self back up, and get back with a new quit ASAP.

    You can try, and we can help.

    Tracey

  • Mrs Mash, such awful news. I hope you can find the courage and strength to start again, you got to six months once so you can do it again!

    Good luck with your quit :)

  • Hi Mrs Mash

    I'm a newbie and I can really hear your frustration and fed-upness, and I'm so sorry that you feel disappointed, naturally. But at the same time, I can hear some honest determination. Six months is utterly awesome and there are some real wisdom nuggets on here from much older timers than me. I truly think you're awesome to have got to six months so I know you can definitely get back on your horse :)

  • Its an insidious addiction, hang in there and kick the fags back into touch. You have done it before, you can do it again and you have 1st hand experience of the fact that it doesn't help anything by lighting up.

    Best wishes.

    Nic

  • Gutted for you, hope you can get back to it quickly before you start to think of yourself as a smoker.

  • Hey MrsMash!

    No negativity from me!

    You have been quit for 6 months! That's a massive achievement and nobody can take that away from you. It's not like just because you've smoked for a few days means that those 6 months mean nothing.

    Just put it down to a part of this journey to stay quit. It's a very minor blip. You won't be anything like as hooked as you were before you started this process.

    Just crack on and good luck! Remember, you didn't smoke at all for 6 months which is absolutely fantastic.

  • Mash. I'm sorry to hear it again. It seems everytime I come back to this forum you are having a relapse - I am beginning to suspect our karma is somehow connected and perhaps I should just never come back.

    On a serious note - you know what needs to be done Mrs Mash and you are the one to do it. So go get a hold of that bull's horns again.

  • Threw a good quit away whilst on holiday, why? Cos i'm a twat! Was having a bad day, had no nicotine lozengers left and got it into my head a cig would make it better!

    Did it, hell no, the demon came back and held me tight! He's been holding me since Sunday and I can already feel the affects! Mental torture, sore chest, poor sleep and that dull feeling when you wake up!

    I have been getting more reliant on the lozengers this past month or so, i thought they gave me a 'lift' when i needed it which seemed to be happening more often.

    Its time to get back on the wagon before I sink too deep!

    Just wish I could get it, always end up back in this position!

    Time to buck up and do this once and for all!

    Masher,

    I was so very sorry to read this and I couldn't respond straight away as I really couldn't bring myself to say 'never mind, it doesn't matter' - because as I'm sure we both know, it does matter, big time.

    I know you struggled long and hard to find this quit, but having found it you were doing so well. Of course we have all rationalised those 'just one won't hurt' thoughts which mark the beginning of the end of every failed quit - even more than once; 'surely one won't hurt after a week?' - wrong! lesson learned, back to square one. Next time, it's 'surely one won't hurt after a month?' - wrong! lesson learned, back to square one, then six months, then a year, and then the penny drops and we finally realise that with drug addiction it doesn't matter if you're clean for a month, a year or a decade; you start to play with that fire again and it will come back and bite you, big time.

    So what to take from your current position? I think these situations are a bit like a car crash - big disaster but we don't just send everything to the crusher, there is a lot to salvage from the remains.

    You were doing so well, climbing a little ladder every day, and then you jumped on the back of the biggest snake ever and it took you all the way back to day one. So, there's your first bit of salvage - first hand experience that 'not one puff ever' really does mean just what it says on the tin. Never again harbour the notion that just one won't hurt - you now know it will; a month, a year, or a decade into your quit.

    From where you are now, you start climbing the little ladders again. That's all you can do, unless you give up on quitting and accept you're a full-blown smoker again - and I'm sure that's the last thing you want:eek:

    I would also say don't get too hung up on finding yourself back at day one. To my mind, there is so much more to quitting than simply crossing days off a calendar. The goal must surely be to be comfortable in your quit and it is obvious from the many posts on the forum that some reach this point very early on in their quits whilst others are still struggling after many months or even years. There are many reasons for this but to my mind the two main ones are (i) educating yourself about the nature of addiction, and (ii) understanding the difference between quitting tobacco and quitting nicotine.

    Certainly this last point will open up a whole can of worms and whilst I must say I fully respect that NRT works for some people, at the same time, in your case, whilst having quit tobacco for six months is a great achievement, still feeding your nicotine addiction six months on is not such a great achievement. I'm not belittling being tobacco free for six months in any way but you must be in no doubt that the end goal must be to beat the nicotine addiction, otherwise you are forever at risk of returning to tobacco.

    I hope you can find it within yourself to start climbing those ladders again, and this time really find your freedom. It's a beautiful place;)

  • I was wondering what had happened to you Mrs Mash, and despite the sad news that you lost your quit it is good to 'see' you again. :)

    I can't add to the words of wisdom you've already recieved other than to agree with both Egg and Cupster about becoming too reliant on NRT. I know there is no hard & fast rule concerning how long to use it and every quit is different but it might be worth factoring in an earlier withdrawal from the lozenges for the next quit.

    You can do it, Mrs Mash- if you managed 6 months once you can do it again (and beyond). I shall really look forward to your posts and to hearing how it is going.

    Welcome back! :)

  • Thanks everyone for your comments!

    I am gutted but rather than dwell on it and keep puffing on my misery its time to try again.

    I will be using lozengers to help but totally agree with what you have said therefore will aim to cut back and not have to use them for so long this time!

    Here we go again!!

  • C'Mon Masher let's get it on :D

    You can still be here in 2 years trying to quit,visiting these pages,feeling nervous doubtful and uncertain :rolleyes:

    OR

    You can be luxuriating in the Penthouse,offering advice,loving the smokefree you, feeling proud feeling wealthier and healthier

    Which sounds better :p

    Let's get this done. x

    Definitely the second one Max :-)

  • Hi Mrs Mash

    I'm new here too (just over 5 weeks in), sorry to hear that you fell off the horse, as others have said 6 months is great and if you have done it once.....:)

    Good luck with the new start x

  • Sorry to hear you lapsed ... don't beat yourself up, you did so well for six months. That is six months of breathing clean air and giving your lungs a rest. If you can do it once you can do it again.

    Thank you for your honesty in the post. I am only one month into my quit and am still using NRT, but have bee gradually easing myself off it.

    I just hope that if I do weaken (which I hope I wont) that I will have your courage to start the quit again straight away.

    My best wishes and hopes to you

  • Hi Mrs Mash, one the one hand it's lovely to see you again but I am gutted you lost your quit! Come on spudster, get that filthy yellow monster by the scruff of the neck and really show him who's boss ;)

  • Don't beat yourself up.

    You did it once...you can do it again, only this time you won't fail.

    You won't succumb.

    You will win.

    We will support you.

  • This is why I think NRT is so strange when it comes to quitting really.

    I mean, after 6 months you're still heavily addicted to nicotine. So you've still got a massive problem to solve.

  • Excellent. We like a challenge and I can't think of a better place than here for solving that problem - if it is one!

    Meantime, each to their own....

    You can do it, Mrs Mash!

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