To celebrate my 6 months quit (on Sunday 28 Feb) – I’ve been working through my smoking diary. I thought this was timely for me – and will hopefully help others. I’ve had to try and fill in for times when I really couldn’t be arsed with anything – but I think it neatly sums up the last six months for me. Take a deep breathe....its a bit of a beast........
Firstly, the background. I had to give up as I shattered my shoulder and my surgeon said I must not smoke for 3 months to allow the bone to repair itself. If I did there was a chance my shoulder would crumble away and I’d need a replacement as the chemicals and nicotine would stop nourishment getting to the shoulder bone. So it was Cold Turkey. After 4 days of tentatively smoking 3 or 4 cigs a day – and having a panic attack every time – it was finally time to go for it:
September 1 2009 - Day 1 – SCARED SH**LESS!!!! This seems to be the only thing I can remember – being petrified that I cannot smoke for the next 3 months (as per my surgeon’s instructions).
Day 2 – Disbelief that I got through day 1! I’m feeling sick – and my eyes feel like they’re bugging out of my head. Veer between being starving hungry and having no appetite at all.
Rest of Week 1 – pretty much the same – am moping around feeling VERY sorry for myself or wanting to strangle somebody. Been craving cigs all week.
Week 2-3 More of the same. Craves are bad. It is only the pain in my shoulder that is getting me through – the pain is greater than the crave to smoke. Am irritable and have no patience with anything or anyone. My fiends are saying how well I’m doing – and my mind is screaming “SHUT UP AND GIVE ME A FAG!!!” But am also becoming aware that my will power is stronger than I thought it would be. Start of positive feelings about the quit but have concerns about what I’m going to do if I’m not smoking (really stupid thoughts) – like what I’ll do watching TV or waiting for a bus (what grip did cigs have on me!?!?!?!?)
Week 4 – A big change! Masses of energy. Start to feel euphoric – but do still have cravings – but they seem less intense
Week 5 – Things even out slightly – but still quite a positive feeling. Craves still there but are starting to get more manageable. Start to notice I do not have a lot of concentration as the only thing I’m really thinking about is smoking – either that I want to smoke or thinking that I’ve given up smoking. This is a real worry for me.
12 Oct: FOUND AND JOINED THIS SITE! A Daily dose of messages keeps me strong.
Week 6 – A change again - Being very unreasonable about things – and the smallest things are causing me to go into moods. Start feeling a bit depressed and highly emotional. Am angry about what smoking has done to me and how it is making me feel. Start to change my attitude from NEEDING to give up (due to shoulder) – to WANTING to give up and not just for 3 months – but forever. Concentration still not very good. Am back in work after my accident and am worried as I can’t focus on anything.
Week 7 – I go on holiday to Disney in Florida (hardly worth going back to work!!!). It is brilliant as it is so difficult to smoke and it is really frowned upon. Really get to grips with dealing with the craves and have a fantastic time. Kill off a great number of triggers. The flight is the best flight I’ve ever had as I’m not relying on fags (see post in Symptoms). I get this from Marg’s signature whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Sympt... and read it on holiday. It is without doubt the best thing I read for me and my quit and helped me tremendously.
End Month 2: in basically a good position. Still having craves, but manageable – but do have funny hollow feelings in my stomach and the back of my throat (I want the feel of the smoke to get rid of this – but alcohol is a good enough substitute!!).
Month 3 : they say its part of the dreaded 3s – and it was for me. Around week 10 I really didn’t feel right at all. I got drunk one weekend and had to spend 2 days in bed – not sure if it was a hangover, the flu or what. But not good. I thought if I have a fag I’ll be OK – but I didn’t. Also really noticed my sleeping patterns were starting to get all over the place and I was sleeping far longer than I normally do.
Weeks 11 – 12: I really do start to feel a lot more together – am glad I dug me heels in. Feel much more positive. Start believing that “it does get better” because it did. Went to Vienna where EVERYONE smoked. It was funny because in clubs/bars where the smoke really was bad I didn’t fancy smoking at all. But when I was walking around in the lovely fresh air I did fancy one – but the crave was more of a niggle than anything and easy to deal with. Really start to believe that this can be done and I can become a non smoker. My concentration really returns and is more focussed and razor sharp than I think it was when I was a smoker.
Month 4 – the festive season. Bit worried about how I would deal with it – but got through Xmas and New Year with no problem at all. Can’t remember having any particular craves – and was just happy I didn’t have to go out in the freezing cold for a stupid smoke.
Month 5 – My Birthday – went out - had a blast - got off my head and didn’t think of lighting up once. Rest of the month goes by pretty quickly with nothing really to report – a few minor wants but absolutely no problem at all.
Month 6 (Feb 2010). Things seem to be going from strength to strength. Can’t really remember the last time I had what I’d call a crave.
So here I am. Hopefully all will go smooth for next 6 months and I’ll get to the Penthouse.
My aim: I want to be indifferent to cigarettes – I don’t want to hate them or find them disgusting or rant and rave at friends and colleagues who smoke – that would give the cigs too much power and I feel I’m better than that.
I thank everyone who has supported me this far – and I hope those at the start, or further on in their quit, the very best of luck.
AG
Written by
Atomicguy
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6 months smoke free that's fantastic and a wonderful post I enjoyed reading your diary very much and I know it will help many on this forum
I'm so pleased you found that link in my signature a help it helped me loads which is why I still keep it although I don't use it myself I give it to others for help
I also like your aim to be indifferent to fags as I am I don't think about them anymore, they don't disgust in any way and being among smokers doesn't bother me
My life is much different now and muvh much better than it ever was as a smoker
Very cool.....its great to know there's more peeps out there in our quit time. We didn't get a Augo or septembo quit group LOL. We did however get success. Go out and reward yourself with something you want, something for just you. A very big CONGRATZ to ya.
Wot a brilliant post i can really relate to end of month two funny hollow feeling in stomach and back of throat its happening to me a lot i'm only a month and one day but reading your diary as helped
Its good to read what you have been through and the changes that have occured, makes me realise (or wish) that i'd had the same nouce to keep a diary myself.
Its also giving me huge hope that at my 6 month Mark all will settle down finally and sort out even more than it is already.
Huge Congratulations on 6 Months! May your next 6 be a solid gold experience
I definitely think this forum has been a huge help for you Atomicguy.. you did all the tough work yourself, but without a doubt i think its helped to vocalise and document your quit with folk who actually understand.
Half a year is right where you want to be.. you are half way to the penthouse suite (which ok perhaps isn't the old folks home i joked about recently), and the remaining 6 months of your first year of freedom will mean milder months.. will mean you can go out for walks just because you can.. and you won't have to break every so often for a smoke either. So when you say you are going out for some fresh air, you actually mean it
We've worked hard to get here m8y, and what we have going now is truly a gift, bit like a fragile egg.. hold onto this carefully.. and always remember that 'just one' is a lie from the demon.. keep looking forward and never once look back except to remember what a journey you've taken to get here, and what you'd have to go through again if you believed the lies again.
Thank you for your great post it was a good read. Well done getting six months sorted, I wish you many more smoke-free months to come. Hope the shoulder is better too.
WOW! Thanks for all your replies guys. My big treat is a new Miele washing machine!! HA! My other one died and I think was in danger of flooding the neighbours below. So splashed out (so to speak). Just had it installed this morning, have run a programme and it just purrrrrrrrrs! Its gonna be my new obsession!!
Marg - you've been so helpful to eveyone on here - and your posts always helped me - especialy that paper in your signature.
Twiste - yeah good to see a few of us with the same quit time - me you and Bev. Excellent. Plannng on coming back to N'Awlins in Oct - will need some tips.
Ned/Zozie - hope it helps you. If its gets a bit prickly just dig those heels in ans stick with it.
Bev - cheers. Good to see you back here. Thanks for your words.
PP - Cheers and good luck with your quit
Jase - cheers matey - you're bang on! Your posts have always helped me as well. Lets keep at it!!
Jackie - thank you. Shoulder is getting there - been a struggle but I'll beat that bugger as well!!
Certain people on this board have really helped me with my quit and you AG are one of them.
I do not know if you remember but I was so struggling at 3/4 months, I wanted a cigarette, I was moody, I was bad tempered and frankly I just was not fun to be around. You told me I had another month of this but you said around the 5 months mark things will change and you PROMISED me this (do you remember).
March is my 5 month and around weeks agao things did 'just' change, I had humour, I had a zest for life and I was having fun again. The cravings not gone but are only a couple of seconds rather than hours.
This post should be copied and put into Day 1 to let newbie's know it's tough but it so is do-able.
Thank you for helping me and others AND well done you should be very, very proud of yourself my love
Hey AG can I ditto everything Christine said please.
We both made various threats to your promise of that moment when suddenly it would all make sence and life would return, and I have to say at the time I fully expected to carry them out....had clipboard sharpened in preperation...:eek:
BUT...month 5 saw that breakthrough and either we saw the light OR we have lost it completely BUT it is certainly so much better now. Still get the odd moment, but really few and far between, with days between them and they are just moments not cravings.
So congratulations on month 6 and thanks a million.
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My 6 Months
5 Months Smoke Free
Tomorrow i will be 6 months smoke free
