I am on day 4 of quit attempt 50 (not kidding) in the last 3 years 6 months. I gave up previously for 9 years, CT and found it incredibly easy (after the first few days). I had read Allan Carr and it seemed to really sink in to my subconscious. I started smoking again as I was at an all time low in my personal life so I turned to my old mucker, Mr Malborough Lite. He held me up when I was falling down. But after I was feeling O.K again, I simply didnt have the willpower to quit, although I tried every 2 weeks or so. Recently I posted on this site and made it to day 5. The weekend came and I went to a dinner, surrounded by smokers and after 3rd glass of vino, succumbed without a fight. Pathetic, I know. Self-hatred at my weakness and desire to quit prompted me to try again on monday and so far so good.
I am on the patches and they are a help as I dont feel too bad physically. Mentally, in times of stress I think about fags and yesterday I tried my back-up plan of top-up nicotine lozenges. Absolutely vile. I dont know if anyone else has found this but its like someone's trying to throttle you. Its how I imagine arsenic would feel at the back of your throat. I was nearly sick and took 15 mins to recover. At least I didnt feel like smoking as I was too busy trying not to puke in public. I did feel the nicotine kick in afterwards and felt calm etc. but definitely not worth retching for!
So i'll stick ! with the patches and see if i can hold out this time. I feel as if I know all the pitfalls of quitting. But smoking is such a sociable pastime and smokers seem more fun (they usually are, more rebellious, less prejudiced, able to sneer at the grim reaper etc, a generalistaion I know). I cannot (and never will) be able to tolerate intolerant people who moan about stinking clothes etc. How do they think smokers feel - they have to endure all the downsides of their habit all the time!!! I actually enjoyed passive smoking when I had given up long-term, but was resolute in my quit and just considered myself a non-smoker, so it was never a temptation.
I so wish I could recapture that feeling of victory i had over my addiction and wonder why it has been so difficult this time round. I am one of those smokers whose last thought at night is: "oh god, you fool, you are killing yourself!! but, in the morning i think "God, you're such a drama queen."
Anyway, as the weekend approaches, I can feel the cohorts of the Marlborough lite army marching towards me and I feel unarmed and vulnerable. I intend to stay alcohol-free and lock myself away safe from the lure of the ASDA fag counter. If I can make it to a week I may feel stronger and be able to mix, without fear of relapse, with the smoking fraternity. Regarding our smoking buddies, its so true, and I know as i did it myself; if you tell a smoker you've given up, they react almost like a jilted lover. Thats really good, they say , but actually they are thinking "you swine, how dare you leave me like this!!! They feel abandoned and lonely in their addiction, like the ship is sinking even further. But, as has been said here, maybe they will leave the ship and join you before it sinks. so after the initial dissapointment , smokers actually start asking you how you are doing and, if you are doing well, they ask you tips for quitting etc. So it's all good, really. Spreading the word should be a joyous thing, and now I shall just learn to excpect the usual initial reaction and not let it break my resolve.
I always remember Allan Carrs message "Never doubt your decision to stop"
Great advice that has brought me to day 4, not kicking and screaming for a fag. Thanks allan, RIP.
Not only that has helped me, i have been reading your posts and it has really helped me not to crack. Felt like a parasite, tho, so wanted to lob in my pennysworth. Hope I can sound more positive in the future, but, after so much failure I have forgotten how to spell succccesss!
Well done to all of you. the battle continues...until the war is won!