Hi everyone I hope you are all doing well , if you are your smoking or not .
My 1st month as a 'smoker that doesnt smoke' officially ended on the 2nd at 7am. It was all a bit of an anticlimax actually. Dont get me wrong its great to not smoke . Ive got an extra couple of hrs every day, I am wealthier , healthier , dont stink and all that.
The thing is that the initial joy that I got from realising that I dont have to smoke has gone. You know that euphoric feeling when youve quit for a few days and that realisation hits with a BANG.... that you dont have to smoke, and that it is going to be possible to quit and that by hell you will quit.....well that joy , that feeling of 'enlightenment' , for me,has gone.
I dont get any 'I need a smoke' cravings, no panic attacks , anxiety , depression or anything like that. But every few days I do find myself thinking how pleasant it would be to stop what I am doing ,make a coffee or pour a beer and light up a cigarette. I feel that I would enjoy that cigarette. Just the one , not a few but just the one.
I feel dissapointed because I know that I would not enjoy that smoke , that harsh burning in my throat, the taste, the dizziness the nausea that would follow. I think its the knowledge that I will never 'enjoy' a cigarette again.I think that I am missing my 'old friends' rather than actually needing them.
Does any of that make sense to anyone?
Either way I dont supose it really matters because weeks ago I decided that my quit was for real and that I would see it through.
A final thought is that perhaps I am getting bored with not smoking.Which to me suggests that not smoking has not yet become the 'norm' . Perhaps when it is the 'norm' all these feeling will go. I would like to think so.
Whatever , I am rambling on now for sure! I dont think I should have refilled that last glass of wine... Cheers to a 2nd month..