My Brother is refusing dialysis treatments

[LBG69T]

We are trying to get Our Brother to continue his dialysis treatments. He has missed six treatments and is very weak. This is very frustrating, because he refusing treatments.

[Dialysis_Saves]

This is totally unacceptable! He has to go to dialysis not only for him but for others who love him and cannot see him in pain. It's the not the END if you are on dialysis. I have been more than 12 years on dialysis and it has given ame a second chance in life. I do not for myself and my loved ones who I owe this to.

Please talk some sense to him. happy to help!

[lowraind in reply to Dialysis_Saves]

In my opinion, it is his choice. When I was first diagnosed, I decided that I did not want to do dialysis, if it came to that point. I have chosen palliative care, and then hospice.

[jodaer in reply to lowraind]

Agree. I'm 98% in that place too

[tashagirl in reply to lowraind]

Yes I am 82 and at stage 4 wth a very loving husband and family, but I have also decided no dialysis when it comes to that time. And they know this decision . They are sad but respect that it is my decision. Everyone is different. Godspeed!

[Turtlelover1138 in reply to Dialysis_Saves]

I think you're being selfish here. There are those who may decide to let nature take its course. You have no right to interfere with that choice

[Bassetmommer]

There has to be a reason, and you should ask. Maybe something was said to him at the center. Maybe he hurts afterwards....he shouldn't. Ask him why. If he has just given up, that will be his choice, Call his doctor and if he does not do treatments, he will need hospice,

[Escabeche in reply to Bassetmommer]

Absolutely spot on

[Baddstuff]

in a way I can understand his decision. Before I ever went on dialysis I was telling myself that if I ever needed dialysis I would opt out and let the chips fall where they may. Well, when the time arrived I went on dialysis. I chose PD. Did it for a little over 6 years before I finally got a kidney. Since PD is everyday I guess I did it about 2,280 times. Looking back it's mind boggling. I made the right choice not only for myself but for my family and friends. I'm sure your brother has his reasons. Here's hoping he sees the light and gets back on it.

[Grayson125]

My mother said no also. I considered it her choice. I will be in that position too but I want to do dialysis. Might change my mind later. So sorry it's such a struggle for you both.

[Havik]

Hi LBG69T. My family is facing some of the same challenges because I am in Stage 5 and have decided not to undergo dialysis of any kind. I'm not depressed, and I don't have a death wish. I'm not uninformed about kidney disease and dialysis: I am a nurse who has cared for peritoneal dialysis patients for years, and both my mother and my best friend chose hemodialysis when their kidneys failed, so I have seen dialysis up close, and I understand how it works and what it can do. For some people, it's the key to a longer, healthier, happier life. For SOME people. Not for me.

This disease has taken so much from me already. I'm not going to let it take my autonomy and my right to make my own life decisions, no matter how heartbroken and angry my loved ones feel (that's pretty heartbroken and angry). I get that they love me and they're going to miss me, and I'm very sad about that. But it's my body and my life, and I simply don't want dialysis. I have other health issues; I'm tired, and I've had enough medical intervention; nobody lives forever. And I feel like nobody gets to make this sort of decision on my behalf, at least while I am clear-headed and able to communicate.

People on this forum helped me find end-of-life resources, and my primary care physician has helped with referrals to palliative care. I can't tell you how to conduct your family business, but I can tell you that my life has been better since my family stopped harping on dialysis. It's given us all the opportunity and the time to contemplate mortality, and at this time in my life I feel like I benefit from loved ones' support... support that wasn't there when they were all conspiring to convince me that I had to have dialysis.

My heart breaks for you and for everyone else whose beloved family member or friend is facing life-threatening illness. Sometimes I think it's easier on the patient than it is on the loved ones -- that's certainly true in my family. I do have one caveat, something that I've often said to patients who want to stop lifesaving treatment: don't make big decisions like this when you're depressed. If your brother suffers from depression -- which under the circumstances is easy to imagine -- then working on resolving the depression may help give him a different outlook and hopefully a little more energy so that he can continue with dialysis more comfortably.

God bless you and your family, and good luck. And remember you can come here at any time for a little support and understanding.

[Turtlelover1138]

He may want to just allow it to take its course. Some people choose that. If that's what he chooses you need to support his decision.