Tired...

[StormCl0ud]

I'm so tired of this life. I wish I had a different life. I'm so tired of this disease ruining everything. I feel so alone. I feel like such a loser and a failure.

[Bassetmommer]

No one ever said life was going to be easy for any of us. And yes, you have a tough situation. Feel like a loser and failure....why? You did not ask for this situation. and I do not know what caused your CKD, but your body failed you, not you. And that is what bodies do from the moment we are born. Our bodies start to fail. Some faster than others.

You are not alone. I am not sure where you go for dialysis, but if you go to in center, there should be support.... but you have to ask for it. I would also contact the National Kidney Foundation to see if there is something local.

But my biggest suggestion is for you to get a peer mentor from them. kidney.org/peers

And after you work with one, think about becoming a mentor. Giving back is the best way to feel better about yourself.

Are you on a transplant list?

Talk to us and tells us how we can help.

[Ziggydoodah]

I think we have all experienced this at some point on this journey. I know I certainly have. I am now on dialysis but can still get really dark days, when i just want to stay in bed. I was diagnosed in 2015 and I really feel emotional support is greatly lacking in this field. The mantra seems to be "just get on with it" I usually just follow this as i have to work but some days..I just want to scream...you do realise I have a life threatening @#£#@@ disease..😳😳😳..Family and friends can be supportive up to a point. I find they hear you but sometimes don't actually listen to what you are saying. I'm finding it difficult just now, with friends and colleagues all discussing their holidays. Some are just back from their second and I can't even go away for a long weekend. After all my ramblings Stormcloud, The point i am trying to make is...we all have periods, when we feel like this. It's like one step forward and ten back. As Bassetmommer said..tell us more about your situation. I always feel this is my safe place, so I can let off a bit of steam or have a moan, when the "healthy Kidney Brigade " don't understand. Don't give up. You have your kidney family here, whether you want us or not 🤣🤣🤣. We ain't going anywhere. You are stronger than you think. Big hugs xxx

[Beachgirl32]

I’m so sorry you are having a hard time. If I recall right you have been on dialysis for about 10 years started as a teenager and now you are 24 I see . I can see why life is so hard for you . Most of us don’t go on dialysis until we are older . I can’t recall if you said you are on the transplant list .It not easy and yes it does suck but try to push yourself every day do something for fun . Talk to your social worker at your dialysis clinic they can help you if you have depression they can help you find the right therapist . Keep on posting on here tell us more about yourself what do you like to do. Nobody judges here everyone is here to support you🙏❤️🙏

[Erifre]

Hi StormCl0ud, I’m sorry to read what you are going through. Dialysis is a life changing event, for patients and for family members as well. It doesn’t recognize age, or any other condition, and yes, it has good days and very bad ones as well. Because of this, all clinics have doctors, nurses, social workers and counseling, that can help you during times like these. As Ziggydoodah said, most of us family members or caregivers don’t understand at all the pain or experience the feeling of being tied to a machine every single day to live. But we experience the excruciating pain of watching our loved ones, in my case, my husband, going through very bad days and not being able to make the pain go away or to improve his condition. But we can make a difference giving support of any kind in forums line this, we can help reminding you to keep going. Yes, your life sometimes can be extremely hard and painful, but yet, you still have a choice to help you live, please get help, if you are listed in a transplant program, you can get counseling, write a lot, try to find something to connect, and trust all of us, we are here for you, that’s why we all post or reply in this forum, to make a difference and to remind us that it doesn’t matter how hard things are, there are more people like us in our same condition, together as a group we can find the strength to continue, we can share tips, we can find solutions, WE CAN FIND HELP. Keep writing, visit websites, like the one Bassetmommer mentioned, if you practice any religion, talk to your church, but do something, gather all the strength you have and get help. Life is worthy, it doesn’t matter how painful can be sometimes, but even dark times don’t last forever. We all are here for you and we want you to be confident that things can be ok as well. Science changes everyday and you’ll never know what it can bring tomorrow. Stay safe and cheer up, you can make it.

[RhenDutchess123]

Big hugs to you...

[Hidden]

Dear StormCl0ud, I wish I could reach out and offer you a hug because I suspect part of what you are going through right now comes on the heels of the past few years of constant drama and for some a change in the nature of relationships with friends and family, as our world changes from all that has been familiar. On top of all of this, you are dealing with a chronic health issue with no easy "fix." I get it. We all get it. We are all on the same or a similar journey, but just at different points along the way. I am so very glad that you reached out to share your inner experience. You are young and have been journeying, I see, for quite a while. It is understandable that you are tired. Pardon me if I draw from my own life experience to share with you, but I have been through depression, particularly as a teenager and young adult, and later in life, from time to time, I go through periods of anxiety. What I have learned is what I will share with you. Some things are within your power to change and some are not. The things you can change are how you respond to your own thoughts and feelings, how you take care of yourself, what you tolerate in your environment... I am sure you get the picture. Our outlook on life is the story we tell ourselves about ourselves. You are the hero of your own story. You can rewrite your story, or parts of it, at any time. Finding even the smallest thing to be grateful for is a step you can take in cultivating gratitude. Find the things in your life that are good or bring you a sense of joy. It is amazing what this one little thought process can do to uplift your spirit. Do you keep a journal? Sometimes, journaling is helpful. Do you like to dance? Sometimes, I put on music in my kitchen and dance and my mood changes almost instantly for the better! No one who goes through ESRD is a failure or loser because they have non-functioning kidneys. You are not the sum total of your kidney function! You are so much more! In this day and age it is not cool to speak of having a faith or spiritual base, but I am going to talk about it anyway. I lean into my faith and have done so particularly when I was on dialysis and on the waiting list for a transplant. I would encourage you to reach out to those you know who are faith-filled or seek out podcasts on the subject. Even typing into a browser, "cultivating faith during illness", can be a starting place. What I have learned in life is that when bad or difficult things happen, they can be challenging to fit into the picture one has of their life. Sometimes, it can take years or even decades before you come to understand that all of the challenges you faced in life have served a higher purpose. Invariably, they always do. This might be a little difficult to understand at age 24, but I can promise you that with time, your outlook will change, your experiences will make you a deeper, stronger, and more compassionate human being. Our world needs deep, strong, and compassionate people, especially now. We do not know what is around the corner... such as what healing solutions there may be for ESRD waiting in the wings. All of this takes faith. You have a community here waiting to support you. I will keep you in prayer. All the best!😊

[HipHopQueen]

Hang in there! I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I pray that things change for you.