First Post

I have a bad habit of writing too much, so I'll try not to. (I've already deleted a huge post and started again!)

I'm a university student, and I live with my boyfriend. Like many students, I do not get financial/whatever help from my parents. I don't go 'home' during the holidays either, I do truly find University very stressful. I don't expect those things for granted, but they sure would help! I must admit that although I am a hard worker, one of the main reasons I went to university is because of dire circumstances, I had nowhere else to live (student loan with uni means accommodation!) and didn't know my boyfriend well enough at this point to stay with him and his family until I found a job. All in all, I do not enjoy it as much as I thought I might, I would rather be in full-time work.

Anyway, during my first year at uni, I'd say I gained about 1 and 3/4 stone, at least. I measure myself in terms of how 'fat' I look/feel, I didn't look terribly fat after the weight gain but I felt much heavier and my clothes didn't fit as nicely. I am 5'9 so maybe the weight divided itself sneakily, but either way I felt pretty chubby. I had bad eating habits, obviously. I work better at night, and I'd sit up all night drinking Coke (sometimes with Morgans Spiced, goodness!) and writing essays and revising and reading boring books. I didn't even notice the weight creeping up on me until some bras/jeans stopped fitting me without a struggle. I would skip breakfast (and usually lunch) and have sugary snacks instead of food, and something effortless like noodles for tea. During my boyfriend's visits I would end up not eating all day and then having too much for tea.

I stayed with my boyfriend and his lovely family in Scotland last summer, when my flat's contract expired, and I knew everyone well enough. My boyfriend would still sometimes overeat a little and would encourage me to eat often. I didn't overeat but I sorted out my skipping meals and sugar problems. Then, I went to the gym and lost around 14 inches from my bust, waist and hips in 2 months. I was the happiest I've ever been (so far!) and the inches seemed to go even though I'd drink semi-skimmed milk (I hear so much about that being bad for you, even just a small glass a day?) and I'd still indulge in moderated amounts of chocolate/sugary candy, my biggest weakness /ever/.

However when I came back to uni, my financial situation deteriorated, as did my enjoyment of my course, as did my mental health, as did my grades, as did my eating habits, and then my weight beefed back up again. To put it into perspective, I think I've gained 2.5 stone. It's so upsetting, and I know it's my own fault, but it feels different to a normal "own fault" such as 'carrying a plate with wet hands and dropping it', although it's the same only more complicated and with weight gain. It /is/ my own fault, it's just so hard to keep focussed when you feel like you have nothing. None of my friends tell me/admit that I'm fat/chubby, I never get jested at, and I always get told I have a great figure by my boyfriend, (he must have a thing for larger ladies) but I know I am, and it isn't healthy either.

When I get the all-clear from my doctor, (I've had quite bad chest problems due to stress, etc) I am allowed to join my uni's gym, which is a huge place with so much equipment. This could happen by the end of next week, so it's exciting. For me, the gym is the ultimate motivator. No one wants to scoff something unhealthy when they've worked hard to burn calories, and no one can do much work at the gym without breakfast first, it's so ideal!

I'm so sorry for a long post, I have so much to say (I feel like I have a lot of explaining to do.) Basically, I'm rubbish at eating when I should, and I tend to leave it til I get very hungry until I'll actually eat something, meaning I sometimes eat too much at the end of the day. Even then, I'd rather have a packet of Jelly Beans than have any meal.

I haven't eaten yet and I'm going to be active for most of today (I volunteer at a dog shelter and I have shopping to do later on) so I have a clean slate to start the 12 week plan on. I don't need luck, but I sure need to treat my body with more respect, and I think that's a big problem for most people today. Thank you for reading, and I apologise again for my long post. I knew I'd write too much...

8 Replies

  • Wow, what a busy time you've had, I was also a 'gym bunny' lost loads of weight, then that mean thing know as life threw a corker at me off goes the gym, bring on endless chocolate/cake/biscuit basically sugar rush.

    This morning braved the scales, now that only 3 outfits fit! fattest i've ever been, felt so yuk/disappointed, but have found will power again.

    Sounds like you have to ;)

  • I'm so sorry for whatever that corker was, I hope it wasn't too tough and I hope you're okay!

    Yes, I know what you mean, the scales are truly something to be braved. I have just got back in from my busy day and feel a bit dopey because I was stupid and skipped meals again, and all I've had today is a bowl of Shreddies with semi-skimmed milk. They kept me full until after I'd finished with the dogsters at about 3.30pm and then I went off to this little... fitness's not quite like a gym (although my doctor might not be pleased and now I feel guilty) in that there isn't a huge amount of gym stuff, I went on the treadmill for a while, did a whole lot of squats and about 70 odd lunges in a quick succession (the trainer there is somewhat demanding) and then I've had to walk for ages too, I've walked a good few hours today. One good thing about not affording a car!

    Thing is I barely slept last night either and combined with the lonely Shreddies, I feel so burnt out right now, gosh! I'm about to make pasta with a little bit of pesto and lean mince (with all the fat drained away) with lettuce and some red pepper, but my brain is saying 'Eat all the things! I can't be bothered to have pasta, make some more cereal and then cry because there's no decent sugar in the flat!'

    It's hard to resist being lazy when you're so burnt out! It's a bad habit, I will learn not to do this because shaking and feeling sicky hungry serves me right, haha!

    I do hope you achieve your goal, we need to remember, we were sure doing great at one point, we can do it again and more! Slip-ups are normal, after all.

    If you have the spare moneys, remember to treat yourself to nice things like getting your hair done, or a Benefit lipstick you've been eyeing, etc. You will already know that, but I must emphasise, as someone who forgets treats doesn't automatically mean A WHOLE EASTER EGG, YAYAY!! (didn't actually get any this Easter, haha!) Women of all sizes are beautiful, but it's important you feel good about yourself deep down, too. :)

  • Great post.

    Hope the doc gives you the all clear soon.

    When you do get back in the gym, I found the best way to gently start back in the gym was to use the cross trainer. I have found that it is the best way to burn the most calories without the hard impacts on the body. Must start really slowly for two weeks until the muscles get used to the new movements.

  • Hello there!

    Did you really? Well done you! The cross trainer was a machine that I hopped onto a few times and sort of felt it had quite the mind of its own. I will definitely try it again now that you have said that though. I usually used the rower lots, and the treadmill lots, and the bike lots, and then the treadmill again. Then I'd get hungry and eat loads of fruit. Then I'd do a bit more gymming (beautiful calloused rowing hands) until my boyfriend finished work, it all fitted in so nicely.

    I will remember to start slowly. I get super impatient with myself and I get annoyed that I can't run on the treadmill just now, for example, because I struggle to breathe a little and then I'm just fine doing a speedy walk/kind of jog, but never a run. I used to love running when I was slim, although I do remember I found it kinda hard to breathe after a little while.

    Thank you for your response! I didn't know anyone would read this huge post, like I say. My muscles are pretty feeble right now with the exception of my calf muscles (from a lot of walking, I do walk quite a bit most days but I just eat terribly) but they could be /way/ better.

    I don't suppose you have advice for breaking the habit of skipping meals? I often do it because I'm usually away from my flat about lunchtime. I don't know what an ideal packed lunch would be. My step mother would make me Nutella sandwich for school! Somehow I was very thin at school though, I couldn't pull off a frequent Nutella sandwich these days.

    Basically I'm nosey as to what is super filling, not 'bad' (I keep getting told not to eat bread, full stop, and sandwiches are all this simple young lass knows for lunch) and is portable. Reasonably, a fruit salad is going to leak in my backpack, it's happened so many times, haha!

  • Personally I don't think there is much wrong with having a sandwich for lunch. I usually have a wholemeal sandwich and use fillings like tuna fish (tinned) or egg mayonnaise, or chicken and salad. I think all of those are 'filling' and tasty. Hope you have a good week.

  • I didn't think there was anything at all wrong with having a wholemeal sandwich for lunch, especially if you're nibbling fruit for afters, but apparently that bready lunch is one of the things wrong with the way I eat. I told my trainer at this temporary 'gym' thing I'm going to (I won't be there for much longer really) that I usually have wholemeal bread with margarine and generally, yeah like you just said, chicken/tuna salad, when I do remember to bring a lunch with me on the go.

    I can't even eat mayonaise because of the raw egg whites or something, so I'd never even do that 'bad thing' either. But she was saying you shouldn't have that for lunch more than once a week or it will hinder weight loss, and said I should have things like 2 egg white with one yolk omelette instead. How am I supposed to bring an omelette to university with me? That would be disgusting! Also binning the yolks of eggs seems so wasteful, plus I thought the fat in them was 'good fat'. I must be being lied to somewhere.

    I should maybe tone down that piece of advice from her but I've heard so much about the importance of not eating very much bread, even wholemeal. I'm sure I can't be the only one either.

    It's annoying when you feel like you have a big list of 'what not to have' and then you're like, oh okay I'll just do something else instead, and your list of 'what to have instead' is pretty empty. I don't mind changing it's just a little annoying when I do what I think is right and stay within calories, but still seem to be doing a bad job.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this lady is lovely, she was just quite stern. The way she reacted was a bit like I'd said "yeah I generally eat deep fried cakes with Jack Daniels bbq sauce for lunch, every day." (weird)

    I can understand that having wholemeal bread for 5 days of the week could be improved on but 1/7 lunches is silly, I can't afford to buy bread to use it once and then bin it anyway. Also I think she said I was allowed it for breakfast on one day as well so, my bad that's 2/7.

    I just don't know! I thought so long as it was within the calorie limit, it was okay.

    Thank you, that's very kind, I hope you have a good week too, and you just stick to whatever's working for you... And I'm sorry for my long answer. Maybe just take a long answer for granted, I seem to be expressing my sugar withdrawals weirdly!

  • Dear CandyFloss - there's alot of myths around weightloss as you'll find if you read around this forum. You're right, if the calories in are fewer than the calories expended you WILL lose weight. But what you eat can affect your appetite. So refined sugar tends to make you crave more refined sugar and alcohol makes you want to eat ANYTHING :)

  • Hello Jane!

    Mhm I know, it can be confusing. I think there might be some truth to some myths, everyone's different after all. I think some people might respond to things differently. I got told Diet Coke causes cancer, I drink Diet Dr Pepper but I'm probably still in the wrong.

    A few of my close friends are naturally very petite, some because of genes, and some because they were born a little earlier than their mums thought they would be. While these friends of mine seem to be able to eat anything they like without any obvious fat gain, they have all reported weight gain because of alcohol, no one can get away with it!

    I don't drink often, but I remember being pretty drunk about a year ago and deciding to share a takeaway pizza with a friend in a club bathroom. The height of unacceptability in my sober eyes! I don't even like takeaway pizza. You're certainly right, alcohol does make people eat anything!!

    Sugar is, as I've probably said, my biggest weakness ever. I seem to get headaches a lot without it, which proves its certainly no good for you. I think part of the problem is I associate sugar with things that are fun, like the cinema and playing video games all night with my boyfriend in Scotland last year when we didn't need to be up early the next day. I didn't give sugar up when I lost weight though, I just made up for it and more at the gym and my eating habits for the following week if I happened to have too much sugar one day.

    Is sugar your biggest weakness too? :)

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