Well, not sure if this will do anything but I'll give it a shot.
I've been fat for as long as I remember. I absolutely hate food and the way it makes me feel (afterwards). I'm in a routine, the same routine I've been in for a long time. I don't eat breakfast, don't have a grey lunch and then stuff my face at night. I go through phases of massive depression, mainly due to my massive fat body and man boobs tied in with the fact that I can't sustain any sort of healthy eating or regular exercise without something throwing it off. I'm a company director so work can be stressful. I've got 4 lovely children and a wonderful wife, but the routine I'm in consists of getting home about 6:30. Helping sort children/homework out etc. Have dinner (sometimes healthy), then eat bad food and go to bed. I did spend several months last year forcing myself to walk every lunchtime, regularly 5-7 km a day. Now I can't get away from work, I don't have time at home as 4 children take any spare time up after work. Sometimes, regularly, I feel like trying to end things as it seems like I'm stuck in a hole that keeps getting bigger. Anyway, I'm 35, 6ft 3, about 22 stone and like rainy days. I'd add a photo, but don't have a wide enough lens. Any comments?
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It sounds to me as if you've answered all your own questions. It's not a case of what to do, it's a case of getting on and doing it
There comes a point in all of our lives when we say "enough is enough" and make a conscious decision to change
You've made the first all important step, by joining us here. We all understand exactly how you feel. We've all been at rock bottom, feeling hopeless and helpless, but together, we've been able to take control and regain our lives
I know you think you're huge, but there are many of us who have started our journeys in a worse state, but are successfully winning the battle of the bulge. You can do this too!
Take a look at the Pinned Posts section, to the right of your screen (bottom, if you're using a mobile) and have a look at the Welcome Newbies thread.
Look at the Topics section beneath that, for posts that could answer any questions you may have. Consider joining any, or all, of our challenges, as they're fun and motivating.
Join us for the Monday Group weigh-in. If you follow Zest and myself, you'll be notified when we post the threads. The latest weigh-in thread can always be found in the Events section, to the right of the home page.
Be active on the forum, as that's where we exchange ideas and get our daily dose of motivation and inspiration.
Wishing you every success, as you start your journey to health and happiness
Hello mark
Am Kim and am starting out bigger but you do have to say there only me that can do this we all hate the way we feel but there only us that can do it take each day as it come and do little steps it took a long time to get here and it's not going over night
Change just one thing a day our even a week you will find this helps I never eat breakfast but that was the first thing I did started with breakfast
If you drink take that out 😒 If you drink full coke change to all diet little changes like this help
Aww, hugs, dont despair. Im nearly 24 stone and i hate it too, but we will get there. The plus side of being so unhappy is that you can transform that into motivation to change. I think youve found the right place and the right plan, as its very sustainable. As your very busy the nhs plan might suit you, as you make small changes every week that you build on, instead of doing a hugely challenging diet all in one go.
My afvice would be similar to what my dietician gave me when i first went. Perhaps dont count cals or worry about amounts just yet, maybe your first step would be to regulate your meals. Really try to have a fairly healthy breakfast lunch and dinner, and if you snack stick to mostly healthy food. That would be a big enough lifestyle change for a few weeks i think. You might find you start losing weight through that. Then once you get the hang of that you can start the 12 week plan, start tweaking your calories according to your BMI, and adding some enjoyable exercise.
This is just what i think sounds a good idea, but obv its upto you how you approach it.
You can change your lifestyle. There will be bad days but you can persevere and you will get there, and you will feel so much better.
Thanks very much for everyone's positive comments. They certainly help. This is a bit new as I've never shared anything like this and have spent years keeping it all to myself. I guess all I can say is that I'm going to try my best. I kind of feel I need to do all I can now as it's only going to get harder the older I get. I hate what I see in the mirror. Nothing really fits me comfortably unless it's tent-sized. I just want to finally feel a bit of confidence in my body. Not super model confidence, but if I can get to a level where I don't hate myself, don't hate everything I eat and don't feel like I'm in the never ending bagel of despair, then hopefully it'll have a positive outcome on me and more importantly, my family, who I care for more than anything and I just want to make sure I'm around as long as I can be for them.
Everyone's comments are great, so thanks again for the guidance. I'm going to try and take control, change one thing at a time and persevere as you've all suggested. I just have an overwhelming feeling of failure before I've started, but guess this is normal. I'll certainly use this board as I'm hoping that talking to people along the way has got to help.
Right, off to attempt the first day of eating healthily and trying to change my life for the better.
Lol 'bagel of despair'. Sorry i shoudnt laugh but that is funny. Time to switch to the carrot stick of happiness? 😉Wishing you lots of success today. One day at a time- you can do this. Let us know how you get on. ☺ X
It sounds like you are hugely successful in other aspects of your life and it is time for you to now focus on your own health.
Eat healthily and have larger / proper meals during the day to help curb the evening cravings.
The free myfitnesspal ap is great cor counting calories. When you know what your healthy calorie range is you can eat what you like so long as you stick to your limit.
I found I didn't want to 'waste' calories on empty rubbish. Put good fuel in your body and look after your body. At the same time you will set a great example to your kids.
Hi Mark try to create new habits plan and organise your day so you take something to eat in work during the day and let the family know yourmaking a serious effort to reduce the bulge. You can do it if you set your mind to it. Try and make time for your walks fresh air and sun light lifts the mood especially during a stressful work day and if your the boss get somebody to cover you for 1/2 hour ?
I suffer from depression too and have been medicated for years, and weight loss is a brilliant chemical free anti depressant. I hope you stick around.
H mark , welcome , love you can do this, look at it this way ,you have a beautiful wife lovely children , wow what a lucky man you are !!! when you get home from work and had your meal and helped the children with home work don't!!!! Sit in front of the tv go for a walk , I know it's not what you want to do after being at work all day but while you are walking your not eating .It does not have to be for long just 30 mins a night that will do two things take your mind off food and help you loose weight .
I'm sure your wife and children will support you in every way they can but think of this Do I want to run round the park with your children go for lovely long walks with your wife in the summer . If yes then you are the only one who can change it little by little you will do it .
We are a friendly bunch on here and we will all support and help you as much as we can you can do it love Start today be strong and we will be with you every step of the way to help you
Good luck love today can be the first day of a new you
Hi Mark - I read your post with real interest. I was at a meeting yesterday with work and the kind of situation you are in was a hot topic for discussion. Please forgive me for being direct but you work/life balance is all wrong. There comes a point where something has to give, and when your health and well being is highly compromised you have to make a hard choice. In the simplist terms, you are in the wrong job. You are struggling to find a balance and your health is taking the hit. I don't know the answer to how you can find the balance - it's not as simple as finding another job. I am guessing that the money would be an issue if you left/changed. I work long hours in similar situation to yourself and exercise after work or on my day off - my husband supports me by working part time to help with the children and he also cooks me healthy evening meals (and he sneaks fruit into my packed lunch!). I'm not sure what your domestic situation is with your partner/wife and what support you could get? I'm sorry I don't have any immediate answers, but it seems to me your health will suffer a lot if something doesn't give.x
Don't be so hard on yourself, you taken the first step, congratulations! Take it one day at a time. You will have slip ups, we all do. Don't let it make you feel bad about yourself. Onward and downward. You will get lots of support here. My predictive text said "Lots of supper here!"
Hi Mark, I really do feel for you. I know what it's like to feel that you are lucky in so many ways, but still are unhappy. Being overweight is not always about food, but how you feel about yourself. If we can crack the reason we hate ourselves so much that we do this to ourselves, then we can change. I've been on many diets since the age of 14, I'm now 58, and have always ended up heavier that before. My big step has been changing my job. I was a nurse for over 30 years. I realised I wasn't cut out for it years earlier, but felt it was such a " worthy" job, with such cudos that I couldn't leave. Maybe you need to examine where you are in life and how you truly feel about it. Analysis over 😕. Good luck in your journey. You have lots of support here. X
Hello Mark - I'm an over weight Mum with 3 teens. Recently I started my new lifestyle change & already I'm feeling so much better within myself (and I've lost 1st 4lb)
I'm on a low fat/low carb meal plan (I'm not using the dreaded word diet - as that word makes me crave chips!!) my family have been so supportive & don't sit chomping crisps on the sofa as much as they used to!!
Yes it's been so hard this past month to not eat cake, biscuits, chocolate, pizza etc etc however I've 'allowed' myself a few treats birthday cake & wine on Sat nights!
The last 2weeks I've got up 20minutes early every morning & spent 15 minutes on a cross trainer that a friend has given me. I felt that 15mins a day exercise, was better than no mins.
It sounds like your relationship with food has gone haywire to the point of spoiling an otherwise very good life. You are obviously very successful in your career, how would you go about managing a 'supply' problem like this in your business life? What research and planning would you undertake, who would you involve, and what resources would you need. Perhaps you could step back from your bad feelings about your weight and bring your business skills into play to plan your way to a slimmer future.
I feel so bad for you, you have so much to live for!! So many reasons why your life should be full of joy and not woe!! I understand why you feel there isn't hopefor you but there is always hope in my book. Sometimes we have to slow down and look at our life and work out a way to fix the things that we think aren't working properly. WHERE THERES A WILL, THERES A WAY! Firstly you have to want to fix it. Then you can go on to 2. How to fix it. One step at a time is probably the best way to go. Don't try to do everything in one go!! Slowly slowly. Do one thing each day that makes you feel good. Find something that really makes you happier. Try to make food a friend not an enemy. Maybe go on a healthy cookery course!! Learn to love healthy food and how they eat regularly so your blood sugar levels out. It will probably stop you feeling depressed. Ok, to finish, I will say, stop, look around you. You are so fortunate to have YOUR life. Some people would love your world. Appreciate your life and most importantly, learn to love yourself, you are worth it. Good luck
You can do it! You have started by being so honest on here. Start now, even if it is a very small change and then a bit more next week. I appreciate it must be exceptionally difficult to get away at lunch but can you be strict and claim back 20 mins at lunch and walk for your own well being. Life is hectic and I had to be a bit selfish at the start of my journey. Talk to family and explain you might need an hour Sat and Sun to do some exercise. Get some healthy snacks for night. There is lots of support on here. I am no expert but if feeling that low keep an eye and maybe think about seeing GP.
Hi Just do one positive thing today, even if that's refusing one naughty snack. At the end of the day review what you've succeeded at and what you could have done a bit better. Focus on the positives and try to find 3 positives a day. Each time you do one little thing you are positively improving your health and wellbeing. Get your wife on board to help, especially in the evenings (your danger time). Find something to keep you occupied and if you can get out with the kids at the weekend to avoid eating and get some exercise - they'll love it.
Step 1, if you are genuinely suicidal you must speak with your GP as soon as possible.
Step 2, Lay off beating yourself up, there are plenty of others in this world that can do that for us.
Step 3, Brilliant that you have kids, get on your bikes and cycle. If you have a garden, mow the lawn, if your kids have a ball, go have a kick around. The benefits are your kids will enjoy your time, and you will be benefitting from that e word, exercise.
Step 4, forget all about what you cant do and start to focus on what you can and take it from there.
Finally, welcome to the group, I feel your pain, I am nowhere near as tall as you but I at one time was not too far from your weight.
Hi Mark and welcome you have been given some brilliant advice from everyone already so just to say welcome from me too.
You have 4 beautiful kids and a lovely wife, a job albeit a stressful one your life is hectic but you have so many positive things to loose weight for.
Next year running around with the kids more, strolling into your workplace looking sharp and slim, feeling fitter and looking healthier for yourself. You are in a fantastic place right now to show your kinds dads new healthy eating lifestyle most kids don't eat enough fruit and veg etc and I must admit I am trying new foods I passed by before in the supermarket.
I was like you May 19th I hit my rock bottom, family crisis, being there for everyone other than myself, having to give up my lovely job and depression. I sat in bed one morning on my iPad and found this site and thank goodness I did it has been my own birthday and Christmas present rolled into one for me scales read 17.1 I am only 5'3" starting to have medical issues because of the weight I decided to join just like yourself. 20 weeks on I have lost 2.8stone so far my aim is for 4.5 stone first. I had a lip last week but with encouragement I am back on track.
I never used to eat breakfast and like yourself my danger time is late evenings. I think you are like a car you don't put food in when starting your day so come the hours passing by you are running on empty strange thing to say to someone wanting to loose weight but I have learnt our bodies go into starvation mode as the body awaits food.
You have a fantastic sense of humour from your post start now, tell the wife and kids what you are doing and anyone else who might tempt you off your new lifestyle. Eat breakfast especially, take healthy snacks to work in case stress hits, come home sit with the kids and talk about your day relax a little.
I have a treadmill at home as all my exercise comes from walking at the moment plus 2 dogs take me out a little but you can download Leslie Sansomes walk a mile it really takes about 10-15 mins and even the kids could do it with you there are other walks you can download too.
I have a fit bit for motivation so log steps, calories ( log everything you eat) and drink more water especially with a meal as it helps digest and break down foods more easily.
Gosh I have given you an essay to read but good luck I have also started to watch every weight loss programme on TV Obese a year to sav my life is good it just shows what can be done and how we can all do this with the help and encouragement from others.
Get your wife on board ( I presume she buys the food) get the kids on board too if they are little ones it could be Dad and the 1 mile walk time they will prompt you to stick to it look at your life it's amazing what you have I know depression is so hard I had to get strong look at what I have now, push away some of the responsibilities I was taking on board too much and make time for myself which I do now. You can do this too.
Just read my essay back and noticed I have left out loads of punctuation, I did go to school honestly. If you are still breathing after reading that essay good luck. Bev
Hi Mark, like others said, don't be so hard on yourself. You are obviously very successful in many areas of your life, you can conquer this too. Nothing about your situation is insurmountable. You need to decide to make changes and do it and ask for help when you are struggling. I believe all of us have it within us.
I have a chronic pain condition (endometriosis) and i am overweight and trying to lose weight. There are days when i just want to give up on everything. But once i saw a quote on pinterest that said "somewhere out there someone busier than you, older than you, fatter than you, more tired than you is running". It gives me inspiration because it is true. I have seen people who were massively fat get fit. I have seen my cousin, who is battling cancer, exercise in the gym. If they can do it, so can we.
On days when i cannot go out, i try to do the 1 mile or 3 mile walk at home program with leslie sanson. It is available for free on youtube and not too taxing. You can just shut yourself in a room for 15 to 45 minutes and do it. I try very hard not to let a single day pass by without having done something at least. I also got a fitbit and i try to log 10k steps whenever i can, even if it means walking back and forth in my living room.
One thing that helps me more than anything is not to eat after 7 pm. It takes a lot of discipline and can be hard but it really helps.
I once read somewhere that most of us tend to think of hunger as something that's unpleasant that must be gotten rid of at once. But occasional and mild hunger pangs are good for us. We need to start thinking of them as indications that we did not overeat and our body is now burning excess fat as fuel. Just decide on a strategy that works for you and get started. It may take a while but you will get there before you know it. And you have already made a start by signing up here and acknowledging your problems. Good luck and rooting for you
Thanks again everyone, it's nice to know there are so many positive people out there. I'm going for it this time, it's going to be a hard road but you are all going through or have been through it too, so I'm not on my own. I'm going for my lunchtime walk whatever happens - up yours awkward/not very nice/moany customers (I wont tell them that as I don't want to hurt their feelings). I'll try and update as I go!
Well done for coming onto this forum, it is full of useful info and people! When I decided to lose weight I was feeling a bit in despair about the future and potential looming health issues. Once I started and saw the first tiny bit of success, I realised that it WAS possible and then began to think of it as a kind of new hobby – getting fitter and healthier. I’m sure your family would be pleased to see you getting slimmer and happier, eating well will be good for all of you, get them involved too, as others have said.
When blokes start to take an interest in calories and eating more healthily they usually do remarkably well, you are tall too, so you might be surprised how much you can eat and still lose weight.
Wishing you well on your weight loss journey. Best of luck!
Hi, the positives are you have a lovely family and a good sense of humour 😊 I've been in the rat race and it is do difficult to get a work/life balance, but just remember, work will still be there tomorrow and you are much more important than the job. My advice would be to have a good chat with your wife, discuss how you are feeling and what changes you want to make. Plan for the whole family to eat healthily and do activities together at the week end, autumn is a beautiful time of year to get out there and take walks, and it really does lift the spirits. You've taken the first step by posting on here, and we are all here to support you. Good luck!
Hi Mark, we all have our demons and battles. It took great courage to join the forum and be bluntly honest. Maybe you didn't expect to find genuine kind people who for one reason or another share fear, pain, concerns, worries and joy but I have found comfort from words spoken on here. Take heart and each step know someone is with you. Have a peaceful day
What a great post! I loved its humour. What intrigues me is that you appear to have it all, but yet you don't. I too am someone who ate a healthy dinner, then ate bad food and went to bed, as you say you do. I looked at why and wondered if it was because I didn't really like what I had in my dinner, but it just didn't make sense to be eating such big numbers of calories in what I knew were rubbishy items when someone had gone to the trouble of making me a healthy dinner. I also knew I was bored and ate in the evenings, and substituted the rubbishy items for fruit, coffees and teas. I've lost weight doing this in the last 2-3 weeks. Kept out of the kitchen in the evenings more too, so as not to be tempted.
It has helped me enormously to look at what people on here do. Sounds weird and I know I could cheat, but I like this forum, the supportive people who post and we're all in the same boat to a lesser or greater degree.
Try doing a selection of the things that work for others and I think you'll see some swift progress.
Well day one appears to have been good. I managed a 2km walk at lunchtime, I had a healthy breakfast bar in the morning, salad for lunch and a nice healthy-ish dinner. I had it in a small plate and took my time eating it. Also another issue is that we always have our dinner watching tv. Mainly because we don't actually get to sit and watch anything till about 9pm most nights anyway. However, we've made a new rule that we have dinner in the kitchen and then watch a bit of tv, but no food in front of tv. I've done more today, eaten less and feel ok but apprehensive as to how I'm going to be over the weekend. There is a birthday party I'm going to but I've opted to drive to ensure I don't drink. Oh well, one day at a time, let's get over Friday first! Thanks again for everyone's supportive comments - it is certainly nice to know there are people like you lot about. Right, I'm off to get my beauty sleep as let's face it, I need a s*%t load of it!!
Well done, Mark. Do join us Monday for the weigh-in! We will all be there with pom poms waving frantically when we celebrate the first week of your new life!
I think the new rules you have made already are excellent. Weekends can be more difficult but you could always get your children to help you with this, and do more things which don't end up sitting down hogging "naughty" food. Eat more fruit at such times because that's a good habit not a bad one. Works for me anyway, (as a serious cake/biscuit addict) and I've only had one piece of cake and one biscuit in the last 3 weeks, and I felt I had to have that as it was at a wedding.
I can't let "Moreless" down on this forum, as she expects me to lose 2 lbs this week on Winter Solstice Challenge.
It's up to you Mark and how you would like to be. Essentially how do you see yourself? Only you can make the changes. Start with smal steps. Firstly have breakfast I have two Weetabix or porridge but usually I don't have time for porridge oh and a cup of tea. Weigh yourself and work out what you need to be. Who makes tea ? an easy way which works for me and my brother is cut out high carb foods .ie. potatoes and bread. Eat loads of veg there is enough carbs for you there. . I had become really big I am 62 now and thought I would never shift it after years of over indulging and I love wine and beer but I have lost two stone one pound in four months and will keep going. You owe it to yourself you feel great when the weight comes off if you cut calories sensibly and gradually it will. Calorie reduction will have more impact at first than exercise.. I eat fruit and snack on nuts for lunch. You must be knackered carrying 20 stone round all the time? What's it doing to your knees liver heart etc. Who said there is nothing that tastes better than being slim? Some skinny model I know but there is something in that! Try to drink water as often as you can. It's not a diet remember and then you go back to how you were it'has to be a life changer. The benefits far out weigh the sacrifices though Mark. Good luck mate you even get to do exercise type activities with your children. If you really want to change things you will if you are not that bothered the situation will remain the same. There is nothing more satisfying than watching the weight come off remember it took a long time to gradually put it on. Now gradually take it off. You will start to feel good about yourself as you are taking control and you will notice you start to have more energy as your heart is not pumping blood round sustaining additional fat reserves.👍
Hello, this was an entertaining and well-written post, so you obviously have a lot going for you. Not least, you are 35 and 6ft 3ins - I'm envious already! OK, the 22 stone bit is not ideal. But, please don;t put yourself down so much - you have a family to support, you have a busy job. Both these mean that you can't put yourself first all the time. We can't always be perfect in every way.
What I'd suggest is that you could start slowly. At 22 stone, you should find that even simple things like cutting out booze and snacks, and having a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner, would start the weight coming off and make you feel better in yourself. You could easily lose 1-1.5 stone just by doing that.
Then, as your weight goes down, start to work out the optimum calorie allowance for you to keep losing, and also the type of diet regime that suits your lifestyle. If you are in the position where you hate food and see it as a problem area (I've been there myself), you might even find that a few weeks on one of those meal replacement diets would help, just because it takes you away from the whole decision-making and planning around food that can become a real pain.
I'd also suggest you start picturing in your mind what the prize is for you - at 6ft 3ins, you have every chance of being the type of person us short chubbies envy at the gym, so you have everything to go for. If you start to see yourself as a slim, fit individual, and your current situation as a temporary problem which you are resolving, your mind will start to help you get there. It can sound a bit whacky, but I think there is truth in focusing on what you want and expect to happen rather than what you don;t like.
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