The serial stasher!

Today was a slow day so I had a lot of time to think and reflect. I thought back to the first time I realised I was a food addict. That was in 2007. I remember eating both my lunch and supper at one go and feeling sick afterwards. I realised that what was happening was not normal. Yes, I've always known that I have a 'healthy' appetite but to eat myself to physical pain??? Well the alarm bells started ringing. I remember thinking 2 things. The first was, my behaviour is not normal and 2, the general feeling of disgust. i remember thinking there must be something fundamentally wrong with me with not being able to stop eating even though my tummy was full.

I got married that year. Went through severe post natal depression after the birth of my son. And things just went down hill from there. Food definitely was my comfort (and it still is). Even though my husband didn't really understand was in was going through he saw some of the signs.

When I realised I couldn't indulge in my addiction in peace I started stashing the food. All over the house so he wouldn't find me and judge me. I would lie about how some of the 'treats' disappeared and get very defensive when he'd confront me.

My best times would be when he was away. when I could eat myself to oblivion! I would plan a trip to the shop's right after he leaves and just eat and eat. Eat until my tummy got sore. Then let it settle, then eat again when I was half full but still able to fit in a bit more.

I've come a long way since then. Those memories just popped into me head this evening when my husband bought pizza for supper. I had one slice (because the smell!) And I was ok. Like I really was. Before I'd kind of feel cheated or feel something was missing by not stuffing myself.

Im a long way from healed but Iam enjoying the journey. Of creating this new person. I have hope and I know that He who started a great work in me with remain faithful to find it. I am a work in progress

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  • Typo: He who started a great work in me will remain faithful.... Sorry I didn't even check what I wrote. My battery was running out and I just posted before I lost all that outpouring πŸ™ˆ

    If you spot more typos or grammar mistakes. Please be gentle 😊

  • Hi thabza thank u for sharing that with us it is very inspirational to hear your story and how well you are doing now πŸ˜€. Wishing u long term success in conquering your food addiction I like you love my food (far too much) and all the unhealthiest things too. I have just completed week 1 of the 12 week plan and have lost 4 pounds already so really proud of myself and you should b proud of yourself too πŸ˜‰

  • Thank you @esull for taking the time to read my long disjointed rambling πŸ˜€ through this blog I am slowly renewing my mind. Someone posted a thread about comfort things a few days ago. Well today instead of having a comfort cider I had a comfort bath and it was absolute BLISS!

    As my friend would say 'i am a different mess than I was yesterday' that's me, slowly but surely.

    Good luck to you too on your journey. You know I used to be insanely jealous of people that could lose weight. Even though outwardly I'd be please inside I'd feel envy and frustration. But now I realise that we all have to run our own race. And what I know for sure is that I can also win this race. And its not just for a special select few.

  • Half the battle is recognising the problem and you've done that, and it is a sign of courage to share your thoughts and experiences. I am pleased you are feeling positive about the future and wish you the best of luck.

  • Thank you @Caz28. Just sharing what has been part of my journey. And YOU inspire me to keep moving! I would lie in bed and read people's post and *bam* you'd post a pic from your walk. Twice it has happened now. Keep on keeping on. You are planting a seed, just by being.

  • that's lovely, thank you!

  • Wow! What an honest and moving post ❀️ Thank you for sharing, 😊and well done on recognising and tackling the underlying issues 😊 We all have them, and I definitely think tackling my head space is helping me shift the weight this time 😊 Knowing and Understanding ourselves, along with honesty, are vital tools on the road to improved nutrition 😊 Very best wishes 😊

  • Thank you Anna61 😊

  • This is a lovely honest post Thabza and I'm sure your words will resonate with a lot of us.

    Most of us have had an unhealthy relationship with food and to be able to share our problems with like-minded people, who will never judge, is so cathartic.

    I wish you all the very best for your journey and thank you for placing your trust in us. I hope that we'll be able to help you tame your demons and look forward to following your progress :)

  • The issue of the other person "confronting you", when you are eating something they think you shouldn't, has always been a problem for me. It used to be my mother... and now my partner, who seem to appoint themselves as "food policemen" and the more you are told you can't have something, the more you desire it!

    Fortunately, the counting calories system allows you to eat most foods and others are less inclined to jump on your case!

    However, (as Thabza mentioned in her post), I still know that feeling well of being alone in the house with the food and nobody to see.....Fortunately the rest of this forum are here now, to divert us from those former temptations!

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