I am so desparate for support in losing weight but there seems to be a lot of bitching?? One in particular going on about how the ideal weight is in clothes size ( size 8 or 10 ) which is just failure for me. As it happens I was that size years ago and I looked dead. Anyway, I thought this site was non judgemental and supportive, not people niggling over who is right or wrong. Maybe I have to look somewhere else. Any ideas anyone? xx


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21 Replies

  • There are a lot of very supportive and encouraging folk on this site, and I hope you will read some of their posts.

    You know your own body - what feels comfortable and allows you to have energy and to sleep well and to do the activities that you enjoy.

    Don't worry about "peer pressure" or the fashionable TV stars who have to be skinny for the TV Camera.

    From my own experience, I have fluctuated all my life between size 14 (my thinnest) and size 22 (my largest). At 60 years of age - I aim to settle for a healthy and active size 16 - if I can climb a hill, run up the stairs, ride a horse - then that size is fine for me. You decide - it's your body!

  • I don't think I was ever an 8 or 10, lucky if I was ever a 12!

    I've struggled with weight all my life and just came onto this forum yesterday. I am building myself up to try and lose weight again and certainly can't be bothered with anyone bitching about size! I'm hoping to get a bit more support to improve my health and weight!

  • I haven't looked that much or experienced any bitching, but let me support you by saying DO IT FOR YOURSELF, don't worry or compare yourself to anyone else.

    For me (touching 300lbs before I started) I decided not to get too hung up on numbers. My commitment was to make sure I followed a sensible eating plan (lots and lots of vegetables, and lots of fruit) and started moving (couch to 5K rocks) then I was 'winning'.

    For the first few weeks my weight didn't actually shift at all but I was feeling much better in myself. Actually weight was shifting, but it was toning up :-).

    Also, forget about 'ideal' anything. I am 6'2" when I stand up straight, wide shouldered with a good foundation of muscle. At Uni I was my 'ideal' weight - and I was a skeleton. A weight that I consider healthy for my build is just touching the obese bracket according to the BMI calculator for example.

    Ultimately, the best way to support yourself is defining criteria YOU use to WIN. For me, it was about sticking to a plan and getting more active. I couldn't care less what my actual weight is (but yeah, I need to shift a bunch :-)).

  • no idea who is saying that but its nonsense and never seen anyone be like that

    this forum has many different diet, goals and people involved and I have never seen nit-picking/bitching like you mention so I hope its a rouge member as everyone is different - when i was a size 10/12 and thought I was fat im sure I thought a size 18 was way too big but being a size 18 5 months ago a size 12 sounds lovely and healthy. my SIL is a 8/10 and often gets mistaken for being anorexic, I will never ever get down to that size and I don't mind

    also please remember that a size 10 person to lose weight to get into a size 8 can sometimes mean the difference of 5lbs and 10lbs can make them look ill - as a size 16 5lbs loss will not be seen and will defiantly not drop a dress size

    as for my own opinion I think the ideal weight is a healthy bmi (or close to depending on muscle mass etc) and being happy with your body my personal goal weight is for a middle bmi but I will be super happy to reach the top end of health bmi

    its such a slow process and you have to work out whats right for you

    I hope you keep to the forum and ignore any disagreeable comments! x

  • Hi ollio, I have been joined this forum for just over a month and am on here every day. That post was the first one that I came across and she was sent the guidelines by admin. If she carries on I'm

    Sure the admin will take it seriously. But anyway that was just one in a month that I have noticed. This is the most friendliest and supportive forum I have come across. Don't go, join here and give it a go. The support is brilliant xxx

  • Hi Ollio, this is normally a very supportive friendly and non judgemental site, I have seen the posts you're referring to and it was sparked by someone I've never seen before on here who was being very critical, it is not generally like that honestly ! ☀️

  • For 98% of the time the post are positive and supportive Ollio ..

    Like you years ago I was a size 8 and friends kept telling me I looked too skinny and frail. I wasn't dieting at the time but just working too hard. That weight does not suit me even though I am only 4ft 11.

    I think you should be the size that suits you and your health.

    IF I can lose weight at 67 years old and still eat healthily then I am sure you can do it to.

    There are a lot of people on this forum that have won the battle ... or are still working towards their goals.

    We all struggle from time to time but with the support given out from most people it does inspire you to carry on.

    Ignore any negative comments and let the adminstrators deal with those posts.

    I wish you good luck for your weight loss journey and are sure you can do it

    Happy slimming !!

  • Hi Ollio,

    I missed that post - the size you aim to be is your business and this forum is here to support you getting to a place you are happy. For many people a size 8 - 10 isn't realistic but some people forget we are not all the same!

    Please don't be put off by one person the majority of people here are considerate & inspiring :)

  • HI Ollio, I do hope you continue to read all the support on this site, be positive in what you want . Do it for yourself whatever your weight . I have found this 12 week plan the very first time for me to be so positive about eating healthy . Ive never been thin and don't wish to be. Being in the right frame of mind with yourself will able you to achieve.. Good luck.

  • What site are you referring to??? I have never come across any 'bitching' as you put it or that an ideal size is an 8/10 ???

    Peoples opinions on topics may differ but our personal clothes size is just that our own!!! Some people work towards a healthy range BMI but for some of us it's a journey of getting fitter and healthier. 😃

    When it comes to your own journey and aspirations you will find loads of inspiration and motivation on this site so have a look at the NHS 12 week plan.


  • Hi everyone and thank you so much for your words of encouragement. Perhaps it is the case that when your self esteem and morale is low, it is the negative response that you are more sensitive to.?

    This is my story. I am fat and miserable. I started a walking and healthy eating regime from April until November last year and it was going well until I took ill with a chest infection which has pretty much lasted until now and ongoing. I had lost 2 and a half stone until then and now I am more than I was before.

    Anyway, I have started again on Monday this week and I am finding it hard, if not harder than before. I have walked every day this week and the eating has been spot on. I keep crying and generally feel shit. That is when I feel like eating junk food. However, I thought I could find something that everyone was sort of feeling or at least understands where I am coming from, I wouldn`t feel so alone.

    I weighed in on Monday the 7th and my target is to lose 5 stone 10 and a half pounds. I have set myself a goal to shift one stone by June 7th. I would really like to shed one more stone by august as I have a wedding to go to. Apart from that I don`t really have a time scale for the rest of the weight that has to go. Every time I feel like eating something I shouldn`t I keep thinking of what I saw on those scales on Monday and I am totally disgusted with myself.

    I just want to feel good again about myself. none of my clothes fit me properly.

    I thought maybe I could do the weigh in thing that I have seen people talking about and wonder how to go about it.

    Thank you all very much for listening. xx

  • HI Ollio,

    I've just seen your post, and I will respond to your other post that I've just seen to give you the information for the Monday group weigh-in.

    Lowcal :-)

  • My advice is very limited as a very short a..ed person in theory I need to lose about 6 stone (one stone down) However I am aiming for 3 stone and then see how I feel ;) My advise is always the same.

    Daft dance to Donna Summers disco version of I feel love at every opportunity. Makes you happy and feel alive, good beat. Techno will be good too.

    Eat sugar free jelly (blackcurrant is the nicest), put berries in for a fridge raid pot luck treat.

    Always smile regardless (releases happy hormones) :)

  • Hi Ollio,

    What a horrible chest infection, lots of us here have been struck down with them sabotaging our excercise plans but sounds like yours lasted longer than most. You've already taken a big step starting again, sounds like being ill has left you feeling very low in mood as well, but hopefully with healthy food full of nutrients and gradually building your exercise tolerance again will help you feel better both physically and emotionally, good luck ☀️

  • I am so pleased to hear you are feeling ready to restart your journey😃

    You are so right when we are feeling low sometimes it is easier to focus on the negatives rather than the positives😕

    From your story you have made some positive changes but illness has caused a blip, if it helps I have had a similar chest infection/mild pneumonia it lasted 6 weeks and I was prescribed steroids, I have put on 12 Ibs and back to the heaviest I have been for over a year. It is hard to turn it around but we can and will do it 😃

    If you feel ready do have a look at Lowcal's Monday post😃 and why not join our next challange???

    Whatever you decide do it for you and enjoy it.


  • I think I have followed the link and asked if I can be part of the weigh in. Thanks for your kind words. This is definitely where I want to be right now

  • Why is it that being overweight makes us feel so crap as a person?? SOCIETY is wrong to make us feel Like that. Ollio - you should not feel disgusted - you should feel proud that you taking control 😊 You have proven you can lose weight and you will lose weight again, but that is just one part of who you are 😊 Good luck and hope you feel better about yourself soon 😊


  • Thank you so much

  • Hello iv just joined this group and your comment is what I was dredging people being nasty when we are all in the same boat trying to lose weight we all have are personal goals for different reasons and we should all just try to help each other to reach their goals not the goals we want them to do.

  • I feel a lot better now and I am new too, so like everyone has said, do not be put off. We can do it together. I feel more positive by the nice comments and support from fellow users.

  • Hi Ollio,

    I must be reading different posts as I've not noted any bitching as of yet?!

    I have noted a number of people cautioning others on setting unrealistic targets and in one case, highlighting that the young lady concerned, was actually aiming for an unhealthy body weight and corresponding clothes size. A result of society's perception of a perfect body maybe, thanks to various advertising campaigns?

    I've asked several questions to enable me to get started (from today) and can't believe the number of people who've offered help and pointed me in the direction of useful links. Don't give up on the site yet, as it stands at the moment, you may be pleasantly surprised. :-)

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