The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...this is my story so far :)

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly...this is my story so far :)

Hey everyone,

Well I often come here to read other peoples blog's so I thought I would have a go at writing my own and tell my pregnancy story so far :)

Where to start? Well....having got back with the love of my life after 16 years apart I fell pregnant in July of last year, as shocked as we were to find out that we were expecting we were so excited and couldn't wait to share the news with our family and close friends. Sadly, as I arrived at my parents to make our announcement I started to bleed, initally without pain but as I have had a missed MC in the past Mum advised I contacted the EPU, after a week of strong pains and bleeding I did MC but not completely, the pain continued over the weekend so on the Monday I went back to the EPU to have the rescan that was booked and found some tissue still remained. I was certain I did not wish to have a D&C so went home to continue this painful journey and hope for the best, that it would be over soon and it was that night. Physically my body resumed normality quite quickly but emotionally I was torn apart, 39 years old and thinking, am i ever going to get to know how it feels to be a Mum.

The weeks passed and I got stronger and started facing people again, my close friends and family were very supportive and I started to live again. I hoped initially that I would not fall pregnant again too quickly as I could not deal with another loss so soon.

As I was going to be celebrating a milestone birthday in January, we decided to seek some winter sun to celebrate and booked a holiday all inclusive to Hurgarda in Egypt. Christmas & New Years came and went, then my Birthday and we were jetting off for a lovely relaxing holiday. Spoiling ourselves on the flight with fizz and so on without a care in the world.

24 hours into the holiday and the first day of the missed period, I let this one go and carried on with the all inclusive bar......the next day came and went...still nothing, thought...thats ok, I have been know to very occassionally go to day 26 so again carried on at the bar! Another day came and had to have a serious think about what to drink! Lemonade it was it was decided......and so I had no period for the rest of the holiday! I did not test when we were away due to availabilty of pregnancy tests but the minute we walked in at 2am the morning we got back I was on it, almost immediately 3+ weeks....whoohoooo......confirmed and full of mixed emotions, I did not cry like last time....maybe because I already knew deepdown I just needed the test to tell me for sure!

As i had history of MC, the EPU sonographer said I should be scanned at 8 weeks so I called the doctors and asked to speak to Midwife about early booking appt and to get her to arrange a scan. My booking appt was scheduled at about 7 weeks and the scan was booked for 8 weeks as advised.

The day of the scan came and I was scared to death of just seeing a foetal pole, an empty sack and anything else to be honest other then a small person with a beating heart......I lay there very still whilst an internal scan in performed and then she says....there's baby! OMG I couldn't believe it....and there was the little beating first I did not cry, I let her finish the exam and take a few measurements and when I got dressed and she handed me the first picture of my baby, the heavens opened...I was happy beyond words!

I went to work that afternoon literally walking on one and nothing was going to dampen my day :)

I feel that I have been relatively lucky with how I have generally felt during this pregnancy so far, I have not suffered at all with morning sickness or vomiting, general exhaustion yes, early morning wee's and lack of sleep yes. The ectopic/skipping heartbeats were a symptom I was not expecting but they were checked by doc, I had an ECG, more bloods and everything came back normal, even my toxoplasma result was normal which surprised me as I have worked as a veterinary nurse for over 24 years (now that makes me feel old!). I still the ectopics from time to time, its just typical I didn't have them in the days leading up to the ECG!

The 2nd scan date arrived for the 12 week scan and up until the morning of the scan I was full of excitement, got in the car to be driven to the hospital and the tears fell...I was so freaking nervous that something had come wrong since the last scan, my lack of sickness gave me addional insecurity as I did not know of a Mum to be that had NOT suffered with this! I cried all the way to the hospital and managed to compose myself before we went in.

Sonographer called my name and I again went very stoic, please let everything be ok was all I could think.....probe on the belly and there......there he/she was happily sitting there bolt upright without a care in the world :) The rest of the exam turned out to be quite funny as she was unable to measure the baby....I was told to get up and jump up and down, swivel hips, get onto all fores, bang hips on the bed and so on, nothing was going to get bubs awake and moving about to give us a better view. She tried internally, was able to do a general check but that was it so was sent off for a walk around the hospital and come back in 15 after a drink and some food. Off we went for a Mars Bar and Hot Chocolate thinking the sugar would get baby moving, I ran up and down the hospital stairs in hope of getting bubs to lie down. Back onto the sonographers table and all bubs has managed to do is turn to face right instead of left! Doh! Was not able to be dated on this occassion so Rescan booked for 3-4 weeks when less room and all we could think was....we get to see bubs again.

Route to hospital for this scan was a peaceful one, we just chatted about names and changes we might see, no tears fell as I finally had the confidence in my body to accept and nurture this baby. Bubs was on top form, in a laying position this time so were able to be dated property and I was right in my estimate as my periods and ovulation like clockwork so i had already done the dates, I just needed it confirming. As there was a mess up at the hospital and we were left waiting for ages whilst everyone else went in before us she gave me 8 scan pics!!! One of which was the underside of the foot which was amazing....I have shared this alternative scan picture with you ladies.

16 week midwife appt came around a week later and I explained to her about my headaches and the inquenchable thirst that I had experienced on a number of occassions so she booked me for an early glucose intolerance test as my maternal grandfather developed type 2 diabetes.

The day of that test was today, I am 18w5d and having had to drink original lucozade (fizzy, sweet & discusting....I thought it was going to come back up!) 410mls over a 10 minute period at 7.30am 2 hours before my sampling and gagging for a brew and my hot peanut buttered crumpets, I sat in that chair at 9.30 exactly and I felt bubba move twice before she has put the needle in...I kinda wondered whether bubba would have a sugar fueled party in there this morning and these feeling have been the inspiration behind this blog today as he/she has not really stopped moving :)

if you have gotten this far down my blog then thank you so much for reading my story and I hope that I have not bored you all to tears.....

I am having my 20 week scan this Friday, the half way point....and I am very much looking forward to seeing what bubba has been up to in the past 5 weeks since we last saw him/her.....the question still we find out the sex.....a colleague said to me yesterday, if you know what you are having its like opening a present when you already know what is inside......and I thought that rings true. I also asked a question on here about a week ago asking about pregnancy symptoms and old wives tales etc and the final comment left me thinking, this lady is on her 4th pregnancy...with 2 she did not know what was having and felt motivated during the labour and cried when each was born, another she said she knew she was having a boy and emotionally she said it was very different and so now this brings her to her 4th and she is back to not knowing, I kinda like that idea and has definately left me with lots to think about before Friday :)

Well thats it for now, bubs is still dancing around and I will continue to enjoy this feeling on my rest day today......XxXxX


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52 Replies

  • what a lovely blog,

    we decided to start trying for a baby just after xmas and i am already currently 15 weeks and 1 day with our first baby,

    i had a scan at 6 weeks and 8 weeks due to slight bleeding going in with absolute dreaded thoughts to both, had my 12 week scan at 13 weeks and 4 days again i had so much dread something had gone wrong in the 6 weeks since we had last seen Bean and like you Bean was sat up i had to empty my bladder and she suggested that i might have to go for a walk. But she switched camera angles a bit and was slightly better

    My partner managed to make it to this scan as he is in the army and the look on his face alone was enough to have me welling up with emotion

    i dont really want to find out the sex come 24th May but my partner is adament he wants to know, and i think we are already 90% certain on our names for either sex

    excited for you for friday

    x x x

  • Thank you Flossy, early pregnancy is such a scary time and with a jaded history you expect the worst. I was so fortunate not to have a bleed this time as I think I would have been beside myself.

    Will your partner be with you when you have the scan on the 24 May? i can understand that he may like to know if he is being posted away from you both.

    My partner is ex Army and he was an tank engineer based in Germany when we dated the first time around :)

    We have some names, we certainly have more names in the girl corner then in the boys....boys are so hard! I was looking this morning when bubs was moving about after the sugar hit, maybe it is a boy and was giving me a nudge to say yes or no to some of the ones I was reading out haha

    PS when we were offered the gender at the 15 weeks scan I couldn't decide and my partner wanted to know and the sonographer said.....Mothers Perogative!! so we walked away non the wiser ;) Make it clear to the sonographer as my brother and his GF found out from her before they could say No! and also if you don't want to know I think they can avoid the genitals incase you spot something!


  • ahhh that's lovely congratulations to u. Ur blog is so interesting and its nice to know of everyones experiences, although u have had a bad time ur now In a happy place which is lovely. It doesn't matter how young/old u r (I am 24) I think this is experience is magical whether its ur first or 20th lol. Ur lucky u haven't had sickness as it that has been the worse time so far for me but I am back to eating normally (within reason) I am 19+2 with our first and hav my 20 week scan in a week so we r quite close in dates and also in the same I find out the sex or not like flossy above my boyfriend wants to find out but I am not so sure. I had tht GTT test the other day too and I didn't have lucozade I had to have this other drink they giv u and blimey it was vile...yuk!! U sound like ur doing great so far so and I hope the magic continues! whatever u choose on Friday gd luck and hope ur little munchkin (my name for baby) is waiting to give u a wave!! xx

  • Hey Ceribean, Thank you....i had no idea how to write a blog so I wrote it from the heart and I did weep as I wrote it thinking about the babies that never were. I still feel quite sad at times but on the other hand very happy to have this baby growing inside me :) Our dates are quite close, I chat alot with Kazzacollie who is carrying twins and she has the same EDD as me, but as she has twins we know that they will coming earlier then my little one.

    I am beginning to wonder is there a trend here, the fathers want to know and the mums like the secrecy....

    Our baby is called Bubba Shrimp, althought I have referenced baby as Munchkin a few times recently and my Dad calls the baby 'George' regardless of gender lol. I think after the next scan it may be time for a new name as bubba is certainly no longer shrimp like!

    I think pregnancy is awesome and cannot wait to see what happens to the body as the months pass by, I hope that you continue to get well as the weeks pass by as the 2nd trimester is supposed to be the best one when we feel more like ourselves :) XX

  • Really enjoyed reading your blog :)

    I like hearing about other womens experiences and happy endings :) I have been through 2 miscarriages, and I didnt realise how many women have been through the same, so I didnt really have anyone to speak to. It was very difficult as you know yourself.

    Im sure you were over the moon :) and got a wee holiday in before which you needed. So glad everything is going well for you. After finding the love of your life again after 16 years apart (WOW!!) you both deserve every happiness that comes your way :)

    Good luck for Friday, the 20 week scan is the best.. I couldn't wait to find out but baby wouldnt let us so i was a little disappointed and paid for a private gender scan a week later :) If possible it would be such a lovely surprise for you and your partner if you could wait.. you both waited 16 years whats another 20 weeks :)

    Take Care xxx

  • Hey Ashy, Thank you for reading....I think MC is more common then we think it is, the doc says at 40 it can be 1:2 pregnancy's, thats a hard pill to swallow and I believe that only those that have had it happen to them truely understand the physical and emotional side. We waited until 12 weeks to go public this time as was so scared it would happen again so was delighted when I could finally stand in front of my Mum and tell her I was having a baby :) Was the best day and was on Mothers Day :)

    I hope your pregnancy continues to go from strength to strength....Did you have more success with your private scan? You have left me curious! ;)

    Take it easy XXX

  • my partner is making every effort to be home with me again for the 20 week scan they have booked it for last thing on a Friday to see if he can take a days leave or get an early finish

    x x x

  • I really do hope he can make it, it will be so special for you tyo have him there XXX

  • Ah lovely blog lovely to hear everything is Ok feeling emotional today and that brought a tear my eye xx

  • Thank you babymother, I am emotional too...dunno whats wrong with me today, sometimes I think talking about the other baby angels sets me off XX

  • Aww lovely blog me dear, even though I knew about the most of it... your happy story I could read again and again. I think with the most of us you just dont know about peoples difficult road to concieve to be honest were very similar in many ways. But were in a happy place and not be long till we have our beautiful babies in our arms :) xxxx

  • There she is...thank chick, hope works going today and you not been caught doing something you shouldn't be ;)

    I think sometimes it helps to open up and share, I note there are many girls on here having a tough time in the early weeks and you do worry for them...the emotional roller coaster that is pregnancy and subsequent mother.

    We are in a very happy place girlfriend and we are nearly half way there to meeting our cheeky monkeys :) XXX <3

  • That is a hard pill to swallow.. so unfair :(

    Would you believe i waited until i was over 17 weeks as thats when i had my last mc.. wanted to bypass that hurdle then I told my family.. :) Im now 31 weeks having a little Boy :) Looking back im so glad I didnt find out at the 20 week scan as I now have little coloured 4D images of him and a perfect memory of the day we found out :)


  • Wow...that is a late MC, must have been so so awful for you, I really feel for you :(

    And it makes me very happy to hear that you are now 31 weeks in, thats awesome.

    4D images must be unreal, I had not considered having anything like that done, did they record the scanning or are they stills? Sounds amazing either way and not long now and you will have a 4D son in your arms :)


  • What a nice blog! it made me smile so many times :) Lovely !!

    Personally I was thrilled to know the gender of my baby, and since that day excitement has not come down in any way - only yesterday I started decorating her room and now i am hunting for cribs cots and stuffs and I am so glad its a baby girl (which I tthink gives mumma more choices and reasons to shop :P )

  • Hey Ritz, thank you..I thought the blog may provoke a mixed bag of emotions as it did for me when I was writing it.

    Do you have a name for her? or choices? Girls are so much easier to choose, so many lovely pretty names....boys much harder I am finding. Oh and I don't need an excuse to shop lol...but as I still have a way to go anm being very conservative but wil not pass up on a bargin :) X

  • Oh! yes we decided the name the day we conceived her ;) (although i never knew babies can also come so quickly and that made me a lot startled and depressed in the beginning ! )

    for the boy, someone we never got even an idea on a short-list, we both would go blank if we were asked to choose boy's name ! :)

  • i cried reading this. such a lovely blog. i havent had the experience of a MC so could not comment but from the day i found out i was pregnant all i have done is suffer. from bleeding to clots to 4 weeks in hospital and 9 weeks off work with hyperemesis. i have my 20weeks scan in 2days and will definately find out what my jelly bean is. i think i will end up spending more if i didnt find out. i have had people buy neutral stuff for me already but theres a lot more colours out there now rather than neutral.

    im sure if i didnt find out.... as soon as jelly bean was born i would have my mum out buying the coloured clothing... good luck for the rest of your pregnancy xx

  • Ah Laura, thank you...I hope I did not upset you too much. Sounds like you have had quite a journey already to get to this point and your scan is wednesday, how exciting. My friend is sitting in the hospital right now waiting for her 20 week and I think she is going to find out so I am playing the waiting game :)

    Hoe are you doing physically now after the hyperemesis? Has your baby been developing well despite how you have been feeling? My colleague struggled with nutrition and keeping her prenatal viamins down so there was some boney underdevelopment but she is having regular scans and they hope that the baby can catch up before she is born now that she can eat anything :) Keep well and I hope bubs shows you what you want to see on wednesday ;) XX

  • lucky for me i work in my local hospital and have returned to work after being here for 4 weeks. (my colleagues did visit occasionally). i have been on steroids after 3 weeks of being in hospital as i was getting bad. even had feding tube down my nose to keep my bowel working. my vitamin levels were worse than an alcoholics.... says it all i suppose. but since saturday i have been off the steroids as it can cause the bubz to be at risk of diabetes. i was on such a high dosage they needed to drop it slowly to get my off them. unfortunately i think im suffering from withdrawal symptoms now. but i lost over 2 stone in weight in 4 weeks and baby was fine. my uterus was fairly small and full of gases so baby had no where to move bless but it was getting my reserve and my body was eating itself to keep the baby going. all worth it though :)

    it was a good cry. emotions ay ;) yes every one thinks a girl as they drain you and take your goodness. and they say if its anything like me then it will be a girl. but ill be sure to let you know xx

  • Brilliant blog:) so pleased you have Lady Luck in your life and your little one is here to stay :)

    I too have been through miscarriage and a long wait to get pregnant due to Pcos! So I understand how nervous you have been, I fact you was describing me!

    I'm now 30 weeks and just so looking forward to becoming a mummy at last :)

  • Hey, Thank you very much....and yes I very much hope the little one is here to stay.

    I hope your GD is under control and i am hoping that I don't have it, think bubs has enjoyed the sugar rush today ;)

  • Yeah me too, seeing the diabetic team tomorrow to see if they are gonna put my insulin dose higher! My little mans goes hyper if I eat something sweet :/

  • what an emotional story....happy ending on its way :)

  • Thank you :)

  • Fantastic blog Hun, was lovely to read your journey so far, my very best for Friday and twenty week scan, sweet tea is good for making baby move. :-) I don't know what I'm having this time but with other two I found out, this time I'm hoping to be more motivated as I want to know what sex it is. X

  • Hey, thank you for your comments. I am gearing up towards not knowing come Friday but I could still change mind lol. I have cut out alot of sugar in my diet purely because was worried about diabetes, well should get results within the week. Did you find as well then an anti climax knowing the sex? Xx

  • When you know the sex it's great you can buy everything blue or pink... When it comes to delivery it's still very exciting but I think that bit of emotion is left somewhere that I'm hoping to unleash with this birth and not knowing the sex. Personally I couldn't hold my own water so finding out I had to. But now I have one of each I'm not so fussed about the sex so long as its healthy. :-) ill be looking out for a blog post on Friday to see what decision you made :-) good luck Hunni x

  • Your blog made me cry too! In fact, still crying - I hope no-one comes into my office! Thank you for sharing your experiences. Scans ARE really nerve-wracking, aren't they?? Especially since, when I had my 20 week one, I hadn't yet started to feel the baby move. Now that he moves all the time, it is a lot more reassuring. I have had an emotional 12 hours: I told my ex from 3 years ago that I was pregnant last night, which I was really nervous about, and he couldn't have been more lovely. All the best with the rest of your pregnancy! xx

  • Hey, thank you for reading the blog. I did expect to provoke some emotion, hormonal women like us all in one place but like any story I wanted to hopefull y show a happy ending and give hope to others. Our baby has only started to move so's I can feel alot of time last 48 hours on so, I could stimulate with music once I understood he/she could hear. :) Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy xx

  • What an amazing story, made me cry a lot too.

    so happy for you :-)

    good luck

  • Sorry Popples, I hope was a combo of sad and happy tears :) Women don't really discuss MC, it's like taboo esp amongst family and friends as they don't want to upset you and yet we need to talk.

    I am getting excited for Friday, can't imagine how much growing has been going on in last 4 weeks. Xx

  • it was a combo of happy and sad tears, i am so happy for you but totally upset at what you have been through. I am still struggling myself to get through my emotions having mc 3 weeks ago :-(, i know i will get there , i just want to feel normal again.

    looking forward to hearing how you get on friday. feeling excited for you

  • I am sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time, do you have people you can talk to about this? Xx

  • yeah i do but not in a professional sense but i don't think they understand how it fees. how did you get on Fri?xx

  • This is a brill blog. Congrats and all the best for the future.

    I too have suffered with mc's and it is really hard to deal with. Especially as I had been so careful and eat really healthy. I just hope I will get pregnant again (and keep this one!) soon. As am the same age as you. Anyway all the best for Friday.

  • Hey Matildarose, thank you for yor comments. The thing with MC is its such a lonely and personal loss and I fell only those that have been through it understand. I am still upset by our loss in September despite being 4.5 months gone now. My boss left to go on Mat leave a few weeks ago and that provoked feelings as I would have been same term and due May 4th, 5d before her.

    I really do hope you concieve soon, try and relax about it and just go with the flow and I am sure it will happen for you soon. In box me if you want to chat xx

  • Thank you for writing this! I was going through a tough time and you've sort of made it easier. I wish you the best for friday and a massive congratulations! Also as for not knowing, I didn't want to find out but my OH did but she made it impossible to tell due to continuously covering herself aha! No matter how much I moved there would always be something covering x

  • I am pleased my blog had a positive impact on you, it feels weird having put it out there.

    So 'She' covered herself up eh, that's sweet...she didn't want him to see. Does that mean you found our at birth? Xx

  • Yeah I did, and after endless stories and old wives tales that baby would be a boy I was incredibly happy baby was a girl. Not that I wouldn't have been happy with a boy but people backed off with their myths aha!xx

  • so have u decided whether u will find out the sex tomorrow? bet ur excited!!! so amazing that ur blog has got so many people sharing stories and showing support for people, its gd to share :) xx

  • Hey, yes we are excited, I don't think we are and I told my sister and mum today that we're not going to! But mum says that's surprises her as I am so organised and my sister thinks I will crack in the room and ask! lets see!

    It is great that it has got people talking & sharing I really didn't expect it to have this impact but it great and I am glad I wrote it.

    Lets see what tomorrow brings! 1 more sleep! Thinks bubs wants to me say hi too as it wiggling away hehe xx

  • 'It' is a typo! Should say he/she or Bubba Shrimp ;) xx

  • PS what about you for Monday ;) xx

  • I think we are, although the final concrete decision will be made on sunday :) hope ur scan goes well today xx

  • Whats the latest? How did the scan go? Did you find out??? XX

  • Thank you all for your kind words and honesty that has come out of this humble blog of mine.

    Today is 20 week scan day...eek....I will have my fingers crossed for 'A place for everything and everything in its place' and as the the Fidget Bums sex....well that debate is still going on and will do I imagine right up until the wire! I will fill you ladies in later once I have dried my eyes and come back down to earth ;) XXX

  • Hi Cheekymonkey3791

    Hope your scan went well today and that you've had a good day. Thank you for your words of wisdom. X

  • Hey Everyone....I am sorry that I have been slow to write again, I hope that everyone is well.

    Friday's scan went very well, I loved it and as i am medically trained I found it particularly interesting and the sonographer explained prob much more then she would to Jo Blogs :)

    Bubba did his/her usual, very awkward positioning so scanning was done in 2 parts with me, head was tucked down in my pelvis so had to go off for a walk and do the jigg. We did get bubba into a better position and was able to do all brain/skull measurements.

    I am very pleased to report back that bubba is developing perfectly for term, the only thing she couldn't tell me was how intelligent the baby was going to be ;) Well parents come from reasonable stock so hopefully bubs will follow suit.

    My partner and I did 'kinda' agree not to find out the we went in with a neutral congratulations baby card and asked the sonographer to check the sex and write it in the card and seal it. My partner was really struggling not to look so I looked at him during this time to keep watch hehe.

    We got home and when he nipped out I hid the envelope! If he gets snoopy I said I will give it to my mum to keep hold of! So the quest continues to find a suitable name for a boy and a girl. I do hope that we don't crack and open the card, I really would like the surprise at birth and hear those words 'It's a Boy' 'It's a Girl'.

    I hope all your pregnancy's are progressing well, I know there have been some sad stories in this past week and my heart goes out to you girls.

    So thats it, the next time Bubba and I will meet again should be in the delivery room (although I may be tempted to take a peak in the ultrasound room at work if I get impatient - have to have some perks to the job)

    Am still waiting on my Glucose test results so am really hoping these are negative.

    Take care ladies and we'll chat again soon XXX CheekyMonkey & Fidget Bum :)

  • What a good idea re the card just incase you both change your minds!! Do you have anymore scans booked in now? Hope you got some lovely photos of ur little bubba.

    Speak soon once I've had my scan xxx

  • No Chick, that's me done! My friend who is same term been scheduled another 3 I think because her placenta lying low which may result in a C section if it doesn't move away from the cervix but mine was already 3cm clear so all good. I can't wait to hear from you later about the Twinlets! You will be amazed by what you see!!! Xxxx

    Ps I have fantastic face and sole of feet shots, very happy and they are so clear :)

  • No Chick, that's me done! My friend who is same term been scheduled another 3 I think because her placenta lying low which may result in a C section if it doesn't move away from the cervix but mine was already 3cm clear so all good. I can't wait to hear from you later about the Twinlets! You will be amazed by what you see!!! Xxxx

    Ps I have fantastic face and sole of feet shots, very happy and they are so clear :)

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