Help! Found out I'm pregnant again 5 months after givi... - NCT

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Help! Found out I'm pregnant again 5 months after giving birth!

Mango401
Mango401
18 Replies

Hi all! Today I discovered I am pregnant again.. 5 months after giving birth to my second child. This was not planned at all and was quite the opposite as to what we wanted. Husband is scheduled to get the snip in 5 weeks time and I'm getting the implant on Tuesday!! Since little one has been born I've been on the pill so this has come as a really big shock. We always said we wanted two and no more. I really dont know where to go from here..I'm not panicking.. possibly still the shock but I just dont know what to do. I never imagined myself with 3 kids at all and not so close in age either! My eldest is 6 and we planned a longer age gap between him and his sister so the strain wouldn't be as hard and he would be in school. I'm terrified of what people will think and how I will cope. I've had postnatal depression since having our daughter and I cope some days better than others. I know I will be judged for having two so close. I'm worrying too as our house is not big enough, we have just bought a new car which wont be big enough for them all in the back especially with 3 car seats. My husband works offshore too and I struggled coping this time around, I cant imagine how it would be with three!! I really dont know what to do or think. He is surprisingly unfazed and just keeps telling me we will go through it together! Does anyone else have three children close in age?! How did you cope and what was the reaction telling people?!

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Cheekymonkey85

Hun, I know how you feel. My son was 11months when I found out I'm expecting our 3rd. I was absolutely gutted as number 3 has never been part of the plan. I'm self employed & not earning very much since starting back at work in April, so don't have much in the way of savings so I won't be able to take much leave this time. I don't think our car will be big enough, but luckily the house should be ok for now.

My partner got his head around it much quicker than I did, but I'm 17weeks now & feeling quite positive but it is overwhelming thinking about 2 under 2. My daughter is almost 6 so I'm relieved I'll only have the 2 at home.

Close family& friends seem quite happy for us, but some of my partners colleagues looked at him like he was mental.

Sorry I rambled a bit but your not alone x

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Mango401

No thankyou for replying!! And ramble on, I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone!! I cant tell my best friend which is killing me as she desperately wants a third but her partner went and got the snip, and she knows I said I only ever wanted two 🙁 part of me is slightly gutted! X

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Cheekymonkey85

You will come round eventually hun. It took me a few weeks but now I'm really glad I get to hold a tiny newborn again & that all those things with my son I thought were my last aren't at all. I still worry about money, & I still have moments where my 2 are being difficult and I wonder what the hell im doing, but then I remind myself that these early years don't last long & it will get easier. I heard the heartbeat at my last midwife appointment & I couldn't help but smile.

Your friend will be happy for you, how could she not be at the end of the day x

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Mango401

I told me friend today, but she thinks I wont cope and thinks I should get a termination. I got diagnosed with postnatal depression after having my daughter. She had to go to SCBU straight away and was in for two weeks and I became very overprotective. I feel I ended up getting postnatal depression due to my mother in law as she was extremely horrible to me after our daughter was born.. all because I asked her to give us some space when she was born as she was being so overbearing. My husband has also now said he thinks we should have a termination as I wont cope and due to not having the space in our house. I feel so angry towards him and my best friend and now feel completely alone. I dont know what to do at all x

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Cheekymonkey85

Wow, I'm really shocked at your friends reaction. I'm not sure I'd want to be friends with someone who couldn't be there for me.

Forgetting everyone else's thoughts, how do you feel about this baby? Because ultimately this is your decision hun. Please don't let anyone talk you into something you don't want to do.

Your not on your own, this group is always here for you x

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Mango401

Honestly I dont know how I feel about the baby. All I keep thinking is that when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, I got told to have an abortion then, by a doctor. Only because I have epilepsy and my health can be complicated sometimes. And I refused point blank. And I know we couldn't be without our daughter, she is everything and everyone dotes on her. I'm not a person who would ever think about abortion, I just cant because I know I would guilt trip myself for the rest of my life. I cant even think about making the appointment! But also the thought of having the baby terrifies me. My husband is right in the sence of our house isn't big enough, and we have no room to expand. He works all the time as it is and I wouldnt want him to work more because of me. I'm scared my other two kids will get pushed aside, I already struggle to spend any alone time with my eldest now my daughter is here. I feel this decision either way is going to be the breaking of me x

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MummyMel
MummyMel
in reply to Mango401

I felt that way when I was a single mum of 2 and found out I was pregnant. I went to the abortion clinic and they told me it was twins and I should go away and think about what I want. I wanted to keep them so much, but I knew it was not ideal, with my other two, no dad around etc. I always swore blind I'd never get an abortion, and as much as I always wonder what if, i dont regret it. I have a little scan of them that i sometimes look at, it helps me. Dont know why, I accepted what I was doing was the best thing for them, my girls and myself. It may seem like an impossible option now but as long as you come to terms with whatever decision you make, you'll make it work and get through it. Us women are made of some seriously tough stuff 💪❤

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Drives

I haven't got much advice for you as currently expecting my first baby but I couldn't read and not reply.

I know it's easier said than done but you shouldn't worry what other people think. What matters is you and your hubby are happy. Take your time to let this sink in and for you to process it.

Take care lovely x x x

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SilkeP

That must be quite a shock, I can imagine!

Just to give you some insight as someone who has three kids: we only ever wanted two. And we actually did the opposite and wanted our two close together. Yes, five months after birth is close but we planned the second child and i was pregnant when my oldest was 10 months.

Like I said, not 5 months but 10 months but I have to say no one has ever judged me for this. Now that my oldest is in Year 1 and my middle one in Reception I get a lot of “wow, they are close in age!” (19 months between them) but in those last 4 1/2 years since No2 was born I have Never had anyone give me a disapproving look or said anything negative. The only comments I’ve had were admiration for me as a mum to have two close to one another, or comments to say how lovely it is for them to be so close to each other in age.

And don’t get me wrong, they can fight like cat and dog BUT they are the best of friends, they absolutely adore each other and are really protective of each other when we’re out. It’s a boy and a girl but I’m really glad I had them close to each other.

We only decided on No3 after No2 was born and we lost one then. So the age gap is now just under 4 years between No2 and No3. It’s fine but I think for the kids the closer age gap is better.

All I can say is don’t worry about society. It’s no one’s business in the first place but I honestly think you’ll get more sympathy and admiration for having two so close than criticism.

Obviously only you know whether you can manage three in terms of your health and finances, if there is a question mark over what to do now... just don’t worry about what others think. xxx

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SilkeP

Ps:

You might find it easier third time round. You have a 6 year age gap and got used to having a child that sleeps (presumably), and is quite independent overall.

When my daughter (No2) was born, my oldest wasn’t really walking much yet, he was obviously in nappies and still very needy at 1 1/2. Adding another baby wasn’t easy but I think adding another one when you’re out of that early stage, as we had with No3, is harder.

Car seats: if you can’t change your car to a bigger one (Ford SMax are fab for three and have huge boot space as well!) look into the ‘multi mac’ range. It’s a row that you put in the back of the car that has three seats for three children. We don’t use it but I’ve heard good things about it. Certainly cheaper than changing a car...

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gcw104

My sister had her first then was pregnant 5 mths later who cares what people think nobody’s business. I’m trying for 3rd had 3 mc the age gap is getting bigger would be now at least 14&12 years. Expense wise I guess you make it work somehow.

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Pumpkins

It will be alright

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Rebel2103

Hi, I fell pregnant last year with my 8th. It was a huge shock and I considered a termination, but I couldn’t. I’m not going to lie, I was gutted. Ive got 4 older children 22, 21, 18 and 15, the younger ones are 4 year old twins and a 3 year old. The last 4 years have been bloody hard, especially as one of my twins is non verbal and autistic and is like a giant baby, still in nappies etc. The twins only started school September, so I was looking forward to getting some life back, especially with Summer going off to school next year. Having another baby at 40 was not my plan and ending up with a c-section after all the others being normal deliveries has been hard. I only have a 3 bedroom house and are rather cramped but everything happens for a reason. People have an opinion because I have 8 children, but I work (went back to work 4 weeks after having him) run the house and all the children are looked after. Yes it’s hard and I’m knackered, but it’s worth it. My husband didn’t want me to have this baby, but now he’s here he loves him the same as the others. Us women are stronger than we think. Sod everyone else and do what’s best for you. I dreaded having another one, but now I’m really enjoying it, he’s 9 weeks today. Best of wishes whatever you decide x

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Georgielouise

You are lucky to fall pregnant so easily.... after years of trying and 4 ivf attempts I have two beautiful babies but wished I didn't have to go through what I did. I am sure people won't judge you, who cares what they think anyway... you are lucky to be able to have children - treasure them x

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Mango401

I'm extremely lucky, I know that and would never take it for granted. My children are my life, my everything. I cant remember life before my children. I'm sorry you've had to go through what you did, congratulations on your two beautiful children. I think I'm scared because I come from a very small town where everyone knows everyone. Everyone's business is the talk of town, it makes it very hard, and I'm a very self conscious person! X

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SC22

Hi,

The exact same thing happened with us. We had a 3 year old, a 4 month old ahd I became pregnant with number 3. Now...my kids are 15,12 & 11 and I wouldn’t change a thing. We are now expecting number 4 after this huge gap (yes planned). It’s actually not a huge change going from

2-3, I was working as well at nights and weekends through it all and hubby worked in the city 2hrs away. We made it work abc love our family. I however was lucky enough not to suffer from post natal depression. I’m so sorry to hear that, how difficult that must be. In regards to the car seats....by the time this little one will be born, your eldest won’t require a car seat so they’ll all fit. I’m a believer in you are given what you’re meant to have. Kids are hard work however they are our greatest blessings ahd whilst it seeks hard now, before you know it they’ll be grown. Have you got friends/family that you can lean in on and ask for help? Focus on that you are blessed enough to be able to have children (our best friends are desperate too and cannot at all) ahd that you have a loving supportive husband with healthy kids. You will get through it, go in looking at number 3 as an extra gift, it may have not be in your plan however now there’s a new plan. Turn the fear into excitement and just roll with it as best as you can but most importantly take care of you. Please get any support you can and just know...you’ll one day be watching all three play and think “I can’t imagine life without all three”. We had two boys ahd our little surprise was a baby girl! Not sure what number 4 is yet but I wouldn’t change a thing ahd I loved having mine so close, I found it easier! You get through it all together! Sending you a big hug and best wishes! Xo

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MummyMel

I found out I was pregnant when my little one was only 4 months pregnant. I came on here for advice just like you have and I sadly lost the baby at 9 weeks, and I was shocked at how much it hurt tbh. We decided it wasnt meant to be and now were expecting number 4 a year later and we couldn't be happier. My best advice to you from someone who has lost a baby, terminated a pregnancy, got 3 girls, and suffered with postnatal depression after my first two were both born, DO NOT SPEND ONE SECOND WORRYING WHAT PEOPLE WILL THINK OF YOU IF YOU HAVE ANOTHER BABY. It's your life, your child, and nobody should have a say on what you should be doing. I personally think its awesome when they're so close in age (I didn't used to). Its also easier the more kids you have, they become each others best friends and the older ones love to help out, it's not all hard work all of the time.

If you yourself, do not want this baby 100% then there are options out there. But please be 100% certain as you cant undo it once it's done.

If you think you'll struggle, just remember that you'll be a mum to 3, theres no time for struggle. I dont ever have time for me, or mental struggles anymore, I live for my babies and I wouldn't have it any other way. Good luck with everything whatever you decide!!! X

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MummyMel

Also just another food for thought, I dont think anyone EVER regrets having a baby. So if even 1 small % of you wants to keep this baby, then you need to say that to your husband xx

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