Reaching out to new mums ...: Hi Everyone I just thought... - NCT

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Reaching out to new mums ...

Poppy149 profile image

Hi Everyone

I just thought i'd send a message to reach out to other new mums out there for a bit of support. Hubby and I recently had our first baby conceived through Clomid. After a long and stressful infertility journey, we are so very grateful and couldn't be happier.

I had a difficult delivery with multiple complications and immediately after giving birth I had a postpartum haemorrhage; lost over a litre of blood which completely knocked me off my feet and it has taken me a while to feel a bit more 'normal' again. I'm still anaemic but feeling a little stronger and each day i'm making myself do more.

I feel I may have had a bad case of the 'baby blues' (been very emotional and bursting into tears at the drop of a hat). Not sure if this is a reaction to the birth which was quite traumatic, hormones or sleep deprivation (or a combination of all 3).

We are really struggling with sleep at the moment, waking very frequently. We're awake most of the night and having been recently unwell follwing the birth i'm absolutely exhausted. We have followed the advice of our midwife and health visitor as best as we can but i'm seriously thinking of seeing the GP. However, i'm not sure if realistically there is anything the GP can do to help?

If there is any advice that anyone could share or if there is anyone in a similar situation who would like to share their experience it would be lovely to chat things through.

Sending love and BIG hugs to all ❤ xxx

14 Replies

Hi there

Congratulations on your baby. We had twin girls conceived through IVF after many years of trying and fertility issues.

Our girls were big for twins and so after many health complications for me, I ended up having them early at 36 weeks. I had a planned c section but due to the size of the babies I lost 1.5 litres of blood and didn’t have a transfusion. The recovery of that, plus the pain from my c section was awful and then the baby blues kicked in the day we came home from the hospital. They will last around a week and they come and go.

These first few weeks are tough, especially once your hubby goes back to work. But it does get easier. I promise. Take any help offered. Buy loads of soups and microwave meals that you can just microwave once hubby goes back to work. Don’t worry about dressing/brushing your hair. It’s all about survival in these early days.

Are you breastfeeding? Could you try expressing so that overnight you and hubby could take it in turns to do a feed? Try and nap in the day when the baby naps and soon he/she will start sleeping for longer periods.

Did you go to NCT classes? Xx

Poppy149 profile image
Poppy149 in reply to Kloulou83

Thank you so much for your reply and congratulations also on the birth of your twins 😘 our little one was also on the large size and so I had a sweep at 40 weeks. I lost nearly a litre and a half after a ventouse delivery, blood tests showed that I was very anaemic but didn't have a transfusion and it really has been hard to get back on my feet. I also had an episiotomy which was quite painful afterwards. My milk has been slow to come in due to the anaemia so establishing breastfeeding has been difficult and I have expressed but unfortunately not producing enough milk for a full feed so we have had to top up with formula.

Hubby and I did antenatal classes

(NHS ones) which was nice to meet others but at present we've had very limited contact with those we have met (probably because it's still very early days). We had multiple scares in the first trimester of pregnancy and therefore were a bit slow signing up for private antenatal classes, once we knew all was ok all classes were fully booked. I think it's the lack of sleep combined with still feeling a bit under the weather that's made me feel a bitow, never been very good on no sleep at the best of times.

I do hope you are okay and once again, thank you so much for your message, it's reassuring to know things will get better. BIG hugs xxx

Hi Poppy. My baby is now almost 8 months (conceived through IVF after a long struggle ttc) so I'm not that much of a new mum but I just wanted to say that it was really hard for me in the beginning too. My birth wasn't traumatic but having a newborn was a shock to the system. He was also jaundice and lost over 10% of his weight, and was such a windy baby id be up burping and do feeding him all night sometimes.

You didn't say what was keeping you up but I'm guessing it's night time feeds? I found these to be such lonely times especially as my baby hated being put down in his chico crib and just wanted to be in my arms. I thought I'd never sleep again. I bought one of those sleepyhead nests (I think they are called that) and over night things got better.

I was no longer terrified and baby was more settled. I was also recommended infacol to help with baby wind. My baby stated to sleep for 3 hours at a time when using these and.myself and hubby finally got some sleep. I would also supplement some of my feeds with expressed milk (midwife suggest it as baby was slow at feeding).

If im barking up the wrong tree I'm sorry but these are things that made it easier to cope for us at the start.

Just know that you are doing a really great job. It's such an adjustment and the tiredness is so hard so don't worry if you don't leave the.house for a bit!! Get yourself a sling or baby carrier too (for me thatgave me my hands back!).

If you ever need any advice feel free to ask because it's refreshing to hear someone be honest about how hard it is. I wish someone had been honest with me as I felt I was the only one struggling.

Anyway. Things are loads better now :) and it's all so worth it!

Poppy149 profile image
Poppy149 in reply to Kempton

Thank you so much for your reply and congratulations on the birth of your little one 😘

My baby has also lost over 10% of body weight but is gradually putting this back on. I lost nearly a litre and a half of blood after a ventouse delivery, blood tests showed that I was very anaemic and as a result my milk has been slow to come in so establishing breastfeeding has been difficult. I have expressed but unfortunately not producing enough milk for a full feed so we have had to top up with formula. She gets hiccups so easily, I have wondered if she possibly has reflux.

Yes, no sleep is due to feeds and baby generally not settling. We have a next to me crib but she only really falls asleep in our arms and then cries as soon as we put her down.

I think it's the lack of sleep combined with still feeling a bit under the weather that has made me feel a little on the low side but hearing your supportive message has helped me feel more positive.

I do hope you are okay and once again, thank you so much for your message, it's reassuring to know things will get better. BIG hugs xxx

Kempton profile image
Kempton in reply to Poppy149

Seriously the sleepyhead was a game changer. I used to put a warm hot water bottle on it while I fed, then after burping baby transfer him on to it (removing hot water bottle first). He settled fiber because he was sort of cocooned and it was nice a warm for him. I would also make the last feed of the day a big one (easy if you are also using formula).

If you do want to continue to breastfeed try eating porridge every day. Midwife recommended it and it helped me establish a supply. That and fenugreek (which did work but made me stink!)

Hope you feel more confident soon.

Poppy149 profile image
Poppy149 in reply to Kempton

Thank you so much, sending BIG hugs your way ❤😘 xxx

Have you tried.swaddling baby? You can get swaddle blankets specifically, that way they dont feel it.as.much when you put them down.

Is she bottle fed? If so do you have any family or friend who could some feeds to help.out? Also make sure you nap.during the day whenever you can. If someone is around just tell them your off for a nap.

Hope that helps.

Poppy149 profile image
Poppy149 in reply to roxannacar

Thank you so much for your response and advice, sending BIG hugs your way ❤😘 xxx

First off congratulations. Have you had your baby checked for tongue tie? My LO is 5 months now and when he was first born wouldn't settle, or sleep for very long, had hiccups all the time and was sick everyone said reflux so he was on medication as was losing weight. Went on till he was 3 months with no sleep then someone suggested tongue tie. He had an 80% posterior tongue tie since having it cut he's a different baby. Have said this to 2 other friends having feeding issues and it was also tongue tie health visitor and GP all missed it. Good luck x

Poppy149 profile image
Poppy149 in reply to friggens31

Thank you so much for your response and advice, sending BIG hugs your way ❤😘 xxx

My baby girl is three months. The first few weeks were awful, planned c section so in pain as a result of that. Then she had a tongue tie so she wasn't feeding properly so I basically gave up breastfeeding for a few weeks, she's back on breast now. Then she started suffering from colic and reflux, so we had screaming fits with her being in a lot of pain. She sleeps really well at night, waking up for feeds is once or twice, but rarely during the day so I have to deal with an over tired baby before bed. And she's clingy, can't put her down.

Despite all this she's gorgeous and I wouldn't change her for anything. When she smiles everything else is insignificant.

It's been a roller-coaster of a journey so far, I'd say it gets easier, it does, but my experience is it's still hard just the smiles and the baby talking makes it easier.

You're not the only one going through the tough times, but it certainly feels like you are before you talk to others. If you're able get to children's group's. We have children centers near us which do drop in baby groups and support groups. Have a look for what's available in your area..

Go see a Dr if you're feeling down but regular contact with other mums your baby's age will also help. Good luck

Poppy149 profile image
Poppy149 in reply to Kata89

Thank you so much for your response and advice, sending BIG hugs your way ❤😘 xxx

Hi

Have you had your review with the gp yet? Somewhere like 6 to 8 week review? I can't remember as that stage was an entire blur of tears!

I'd mention your feeling down to the HV and the GP. Lots they can do to help. In our area there were support groups for people struggling. It helps to stay away from perfect mum's who say their baby is sleeping through the night at 4 weeks or whatever!

My advice would be take any help when offered. Someone taking the bubba out for a walk. The old buggy walk usually gets them off to sleep aswell add holding them.

Also a sling might be worth a try, then at least you can do stuff whilst being a pillow! My baby didn't sleep well until about 12 wks but it was a combination of reflux and milk allergies keeping her up.

The lack of sleep is a killer. The thought of another newborn scares the sh!t or of me. I did not like that stage. I find I'm really rubbish on lack of sleep!

We used hungry baby formula before bed, dream feeds etc but i think looking back she just needed to hit a certain weight before not needing to be up so frequently. I didn't know anything about naps etc but used the gina ford book for advice on naps and eating.

Big hugs, remember this stage will pass. X

Thank you so much for your reply. We actually saw GP yesterday for a totally different reason and she prescribed more iron for me as turns out I should have had a 3 month course rather then a 2 week course! Hope all is well with you, it's so lovely to hear some reassuring advice from other mums. BIG hugs xxx

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