Has anyone got any tips for coping with friend's and colleagues pregnancies after losing a baby?

I lost my baby at 19+4 weeks at the end of June and I've been coping quite well considering. However friend's pregnancies still cause me uncontrollable pain. I've been advised not to conceive again until I've had surgery as the pregnancy left me with a very large fibroid and my uterus is the equivalent of 20 weeks pregnant. So trying for a baby is not an option! I know the pain will fade in time but sometimes it's the anxiety that follows which is a problem. Any thoughts/experiences welcome!

5 Replies

  • It must be so hard and u have to allow ur self to grieve and have some counselling to help u deal with all ur emotions. ..have u found a forum with other ladies that u can share ur journeys with. .. or a website, and giving urself time to heal, sorry I can't be of more help I wish u all the best for the future xx

  • I'm sorry you have had such a terrible thing happen to you, I can't advise much either I'm afraid, other than mentioning the SANDS charity and their website, they are supposed to be amazing! X

  • Hi, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, I have experienced MC's myself, both of which were in the 1st Tri so I can understand how upsetting it must be to be further on in your pregnancy.

    Even with early losses I do understand. I had such high hopes and dreams with each pregnancy even at such an early time. I know that I found myself being shall we say jealous/envious of other pregnant women and not wanting to rejoice in their pregnancies which in turn i think alienated me, it was a daily struggle, everywhere you would look there are glowing pregnant women & all you feel is a pain eating you up.

    Maybe it would be useful to talk to someone, especially in light of fact that you are being forced to delay a future pregnancy due to other physical problems right now. Do you have a date for the fibroid to be removed??

    I know that SANDS website has been mentioned and I have been reading up on this website as a friend of mine lost her baby at term but the other website I found good for me and I have passed it onto other women who have experienced loss is the miscarriage association website, I found this great comfort.



    I hope that you do start to process this loss soon and that you start to feel a little better Xx

  • Thanks ladies. Other people said they were jealous and hated people when they announced pregnancies, luckily I don't have that. It's just the pain which comes out that I don't have control of. Most people's answer to get over the grief is to try again for a baby but that isn't an option for me right now. I have to get referred to a gynaecologist first and they will want to do another ultrasound to see if it's still the same size. So I it's not going to get sorted anytime soon. I think you're right though, it would be good to get some counselling. I feel normal on a day to day level but this is my one stumbling block which I have to learn to deal with. I'm sorry to hear about your friend Cheeky monkey that's even worse! xxx

  • Hi ive had 2 mcs while 5 of my close friends all had healthy pregnancies and beautiful babies. 2 were even due the same month that I was with my first. It doesn't get easier. But what I found the hardest to handle was how they all avoided me because they didn't know how to act around me x x

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