convincing sister to get help

[Mark1499]

Me and my twin sisters all have MS. The sister that was diagnosed 1st seems to be in the worst shape of all 3 of us. She is the one who convinced me to get an MRI as I had a 5% chance where her twin had a 30% chance. As far as severity it’s her myself and then the other sister. This is little complicated but I am deeply concerned for her. She has gone down bad and is displaying symptoms that are a touchy subject in the family. My wife is severely bipolar 2 and we have been together 30 years. My sisters have never liked her and having a bipolar sister in law they don’t understand that it’s a mental illness In which the right medicine must be taken for stability. It took years to find the right medications but she’s been stable for 8 years. Yesterday Jessica mentioned to me about ms stress and it made me think of my sister. She is an emotional basket case and having manic episodes. According to my research 15% of ms patients have this. The problem is she hates the thought of this probably because of my wife. Our neurologist put her on a mood stabilizer which she would not take and wound up changing neurologist because of she noticed it’s used for bipolar disorder. Personally I think it’s because of my wife. They live together and the other sister is paying the price. She and I have tried to convince her to take a mood stabilizer but it just blows up every time it’s mentioned. Being around my wife Im sure it would help. She helped me and I’m unable to help her. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do because watching her suffer and not being able to help is grieving me deeply?

[NorasMom]

No advice, but my thoughts and prayers are with you. I grew up in a family that did not recognize mental illness in any way. It's hard to watch them when you know deep inside that the right medication can help.

[Mark1499 in reply to NorasMom]

Thank you so much. Having lived with my wife for 30 years and seeing mental illness at its worse and then watching her try different medication’s for years before coming to the right combination. It’s really hard I’ve tried to impress upon her that she needs medication. She flies into a rage sighting, I’m not bipolar! I’m helpless to help her, but will never forget that she was the one that prompted me to find out that I had MS.

[falalalala]

🙏🙏

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

Here Mark1499 I found these for you to look at. mymsaa.org/publications/dep...

And

relapses.wpengine.com/ms-re...

Jes🤗💕🌠

[Mark1499]

Thanks, it kinda confirmed what has been happening to her. She is leaving our neurologist. She is mad at him because he prescribed Vraylar and when she got home, she looked it up and saw that it was used to treat bipolar patients. She is really sensitive. Maybe it comes with the MS neurology, but he has some kind of degree in psychology as well, and probably noticed it in her, but knew her reaction. It all stems from their relationship with my wife of 30 years. She’s trying to get me to change to UAB but I’m not going to. I’m like if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. She’s so hard to be around. My son will not have any contact with her. I have a hard time being around her but I love her.

Have a great rest of the week!

[Helpmeup]

Hi Mark1499. My heart aches for your situation. Watching a loved one suffer and feeling helpless can take its toll. I learned this years ago when I had a loved one in my life who suffered with addiction. As I watched this person spiral downhill over a period of years, I tried everything. I tried talking to them, I tried an intervention, I begged and pleaded with them to get help. I tried with all my heart to help this person.

Finally, at my wits end, and being an emotional wreck over it, I reached out for help. I went to a support group for family and friends of addicts. There were many things I learned. One is that we cannot help someone who is not ready to accept help. We cannot control someone else's behavior. These are very difficult concepts when we love someone, want desperately to help, and just get nowhere. Another concept that really ended up helping is called "detachment with love". It is a very powerful tool to help cope with the feelings of helplessness and guilt. It's about learning that we can love a person and not love their behavior. These two things can exist together. There is a lot of literature out there on "detachment with love" if you are interested in reading about it.

I know your situation is different than mine was, but a lot of the feelings are the same. I hope that maybe some of what I am sharing with you may help, even just a little. Please know you are not alone. I wish you all the best. 🤗🤗🤗

[Mark1499 in reply to Helpmeup]

Unfortunately, I was the first one to leave the nest when I was 18 years old. My family is very dysfunctional. After going to counseling, I’ll learn a little something about boundaries. It’s hard but there’s a time when we must remove ourselves knowing we’ve done all we can do. All I can do at this point is pray for her and I will do that. Thanks, you reminded me of what I had already learned, but was about to have a relapse!😊

[Helpmeup]

Agreed. Tough lessons but necessary for our own sanity! 😊

[stepsforNeeC]

Mark, no advice; I pray you and your family can find exactly what is best for all of you. Your siblings are blessed to have your caring spirit 🙏. NeeC

[Mark1499 in reply to stepsforNeeC]

You must be a sister in Christ! Thank you for your prayers. They are much needed and greatly appreciated.

God bless you!

[stepsforNeeC in reply to Mark1499]

Yes I am my friend! Try to let the Lord “Order My Steps “ -even when they’re a little unsteady! I will keep you and your family in my prayers 🙏

[mrsmike9]

I get it. My older sister is bipolar. I'm sure one of my brothers was too, but he killed himself in 1968, far before good meds, and even before diagnosis was made. My sister has attempted suicide several times, but now is finally stable. It's a nasty thing to deal with. I think admitting that if I had it would be difficult. Many people remember back when having a mental illness had a really bad stigma. Times have changed but that memory still lingers. (I am fortunate, I "only" suffer from depression.)

I wonder if your sister was told the truth, that it is common for people with MS to become depressed. Stress that word and not the "bipolar" word. Tie it to MS and not your wife. Change the perspective.

I am glad your wife is stable. It can be done, but it can be a difficult journey to get there.

[hairbrain4]

I understand where you are coming from. I've lived with a bipolar husband for 31 years. He really needs his meds changed but won't hear it. We go through his cycle about every 45 days. I've learned when I can talk to him & when to just step back & try not to be the reason he blows cuz it hurts. I think from what I've read you get that & know you have to step back & be a brother to her, being there when she needs you & on the sideline when she doesn't. God will give you the strength. Praying for you, your sister & the family.