Struggling...

[Angler_Eric]

So, I've been struggling the last several months. Much moreso than my normal day-to-day struggles.

I posted about one: my recent prostate cancer diagnosis. That was difficult to hear. Early on I made the choice to have a prostatectomy. Shortly afterwards I started feeling tons of anxiety. Not necessarily about the surgery, but the side effects after the surgery.

None of this was helped by my sister's diagnosis of cancer. She passed last week due to complications from cancer. I felt even worse as she had contracted pneumonia and didn't feel that I could go see her.

Shortly after she passed was my daughter's 15th birthday. She loved her aunt. We did our best to make her birthday a happy occasion.

My anxiety was such I sought out a therapist. That was itself a huge struggle. Just finding someone that would see me, in-person, quickly was nearly impossible. The first one was terrible. I am positive she didn't even read my intake form. Thankfully the practice was able to connect me with another therapist. She has been truly helpful. I know there isn't a quick fix, but I think we're moving in a good direction.

Just keeping up with all of my appointments has been a job unto itself. Six last week alone. Only three this week and three the following. One of my docs thought everything I was doing sounded like a lot of work. Yup, thanks doc.

Early on I decided that the idea and anxiety of "active surveillance" was not something for me. The idea of radiation seemed scary - for no other reason then the word 'radiation.' Surgery was the only option left. Except for 'anticipatory grief', the words we think fit at the moment.

Even though I don't like the idea of radiation therapy, I went ahead and scheduled a radiation oncology consult. That was yesterday. Great doctor. Good appointment. Part of what she said really stuck with me, "sometimes it's hard to have all the choices." Indeed.

Haha. So my daughter and I really enjoy watching Marvel movies together. Next week The Marvels is being released. One of my 'appointments' next week, we are going to see it. I already have early matinee tickets!

The following week I have surgery scheduled. I'm 95% certain that is the way I'm going to go. (Any Rush fans out there?) I've told my doctors that I hope to, by the end of the week, to either choose to decide (pick a treatment) or not to decide (wait).

Thankfully through all of this my MS has stayed about the same. Nothing new showing up, nor nothing old.

Thanks for listening.

[falalalala]

I hope everything goes well for you🙏

[DM0329]

Boy can I relate to your post! Ever since the global pandemic started at the end of 2019, I've really been struggling with anxiety and depression.

Fortunately, I found the HealthUnlock MSAA Chat here. Everyone here saved me from coping with both the social isolation of living with SPMS & the radical change of the world "as we knew it" with the new Covid-19 protocols.

I hope you and your daughter enjoy spending time together and watching the new Marvel movies. And this MSAA Chat is always a wonderful resource, whether MS-related or just "life related." I always say "misery loves company," so I'm here frequently venting, inquiring, sharing, etc.

Best of luck with your surgery, radiation and "all the other stuff that life throws at you." Be Well! 😇🙏🙂🤞

[Helpmeup]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. You are dealing with so much. It's good that you found a therapist that you like. A good therapist can be a life changing experience. Also, it sounds like you are making a good choice by going for the oncology consult. You can weigh all your options and feel better about your decisions moving forward. I hope you find the answers you need during this very difficult time. Sending a hug your way.

[AquaZumbaFan]

I am truly sorry that you lost your sister… I lost my sister years ago as well and it was tough. My mom had just passed from a very aggressive lung cancer when they discovered my pancreatic mass that was in 2015. Although I have had three biopsies on it, it still seems to be benign .. I do surveillance every year and just have my MRCP done earlier this week. Unfortunately, it is growing a little bit and I may be up against surgery at some point in the future soon. MS just complicates everything and I am a little bit worried. If I do have to have this huge surgery that I will have a lot of difficulty bouncing back.. my surgery will involve several days in ICU , then go to the regular beds for a bit.. I have never had to go to rehab, but I fear it. I am jumping ahead of myself, but I just wanted to let you know that I can honestly feel your anxiety. I have helped take care of patients with prostate cancer for many many years, and most of them do really well. I used to do the CT scans for surveillance. Wishing you only the best and enjoy the time with your daughter to the fullest!

[CatsandCars]

I'm sorry you lost your sister, and that you have been going through so much scary stuff with your health. Anxiety is terrible, but completely understandable under the circumstances.

I will pray for you to have a full recovery, including eventual recovery from side effects.

[PWilli]

You have had to deal with a lot of crap lately. I find it totally understandable for you to be struggling. A cancer diagnosis that includes lots of decision making and then having your sister diagnosed with cancer, getting pneumonia and passing. You also have the feelings of wanting to be with her but knowing with the immune system it wasn’t the safest choice. That is a lot!

I’m so glad you didn’t give up when the first counselor wasn’t a fit for/didn’t care about you. Having the right connection makes all the difference! Glad to hear she is helping.

Enjoy the Marvels movie with your daughter! I hope it’s a wonderful time together!

Pam

[carolek572 CommunityAmbassador]

So much that you are going through,  Angler_Eric , so much. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. My thoughts and prayers are with you. 🙏

I miss America’s lovable fuzz ball!