When someone asks you "How are you?" Or "How are you doing?" Do you tell them the truth or do you lie like the cat in this picture? My friends & family would probably know I was lying if I didn't tell the truth. When I was first diagnosed I didn't want people to feel sorry for me cuz I have MS so I lied like the cat. Now I have the "Maxine" attitude of "it doesn't matter what people think." What say you?
Truth or lie?: When someone asks you "How... - My MSAA Community
Truth or lie?
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hairbrain4
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61 Replies
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My standard answer is "I'm fine. Just tired...always tired." If I have the energy I might give a longer answer. Because I so rarely complain that when I do people take notice.
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I’m with Peruzzot ; I’m fine & tired. Most people do not want to press and usually that means they don’t want the details - they just want to know you are above ground and ok. Most don’t want the truth abs those that do will ask better/concise questions if they do.
All my Immunoe friends (there are too many diseases) all relate and GET IT. It’s everyone else that’s a brush off it seems or just the casual pleasantries.
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It depends on who it is.
My husband knows how I feel on any given day. He's the one who matters to me.
For most others I usually just say I am fine.
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My closest friends and family can tell just by looking at me. In fact, two of them know me better than I know myself! For everyone else, I say "I'm fine".
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I agree with falalalala , it depends on who’s asking and if I trust them enough for 1). Them to know I have MS or 2). Them to keep my answer private, lol. I rarely will say how I’m doing, but it must show on my face, so a lot of times people can tell and will ask, especially at work. Depending on the above criteria, I’ll give an honest answer.
My husband, mom and sister will always get the truth though 😂
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depending on who asks if it's somebody who really knows me i say I'm having trouble walking or My walking is better today.
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I know only one person who asks, wants to know, listens and responds. I volunteer information/talk about MS to my sister who has RA and understands fatigue and pain, but no one else asks, wants to know, and doesn't comment if I lurch, stumble, struggle etc. in their presence. Mostly, even when it's a hair-raising day, I don't talk about how I feel. Everything's always fine as far as they know.
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Since most days I am just my new normal I say fine. On days of more fatigue I will say tired depending on whose asking. I definitely am not going to run through the laundry list of symptoms that are permanently with me to that question. Those who know about them know they are there and those that don't, well, don't need to know.
I guess it's the same when I ask others with chronic problems the cordial question "how are you" I don't expect a report of chronic issues just new problems.
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Sometime explaining can be exhausting so I just go with all is well🤣
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For me it depends on the person asking.. Truth to someone who looks like they care, and lie to those who are just "trying" to be good in passing... but that is just me..
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I lie like a cat. Always. But even our cat cried, in pain his last day. Took him into the vet, had a large abdominal mass palpable, had lost weight, had pale gums, and was severely lethargic, unlike his needs two vet techs to control him so you could even look at him. Also, bloody stool. He was euthanized. Hardest thing ever from this not friendly cat, that has left me with life long scars on both my arms from his biting in fury, but did follow me everywhere? Definitely was NOT a lap cat. Had to post warning signs at the door. Beware of cat!But, he's coming home today! They tell me he weighs a lot lighter after the cremation. Will spend some time in his cardboard box he loved to sleep in, then out to his favorite spot in the backyard.
Sorry, you had to do that. It's always hard to lose our fur babies, even if they are independent & cranky.
Yes, it depends who.
I met my ex-wife 4 months after I was diagnosed with MS. I wasn't super disabled yet like I am now. I tried so hard to hide it for so long because I was afraid if she or anyone knew how sick I was she(they) would leave. Well ten years later, being progressive MS and not being able to hide it any longer at some point, I was sadly right and she left. Saying, "I just cannot do it any longer." I even helped her get her PH.D which wasn't easy.
It's funny though, one really learns whose ones friends are when one is divorced and disabled. At least physically I have very little left to give. Finding that part out is good I guess.
Before MS, I was the one people called for help. I'm 6'6" and used to be able to do more then most physically. I was the first person called if someone was moving or similar. Now, I'm in a fancy power wheelchair. Few of "those" people call me or even stay in contact any more.
I thought I had, "payed it forward". But, it's amazing how bad memory issues are now days.
So now it's all on display. It's actually a relief because I know very soon if it's even worth the effort or if it's just some quick thing about someone feeling sorry for the disabled guy. Usually they are just trying to make themselves feel better by helping. Those who help long term are diamonds and I will do whatever I can to help them. No matter the cost.
I agree about those that stick around & are there for us when we need them. They are like you said you were before being disabled, few & far between. When we are the givers we don't see how few there are out there that do help others, but when we are the needy we can then see there aren't very many people out there willing to help others.
👆This
I feel that way regarding covid and the world - but I’m flustered there by rich nations leaving millions to fend for themselves.
I think that selfishness relates to those that are ‘sick’ (even if you can’t see it and those you do) as people don’t want to hear the bad days or bad things they want to live in bubbles and be “happy” but they are never content or genuinely grateful.
I said to my husband if family and friends truly cared how I was doing or we as a family they’d call and/we could call. Occasionally we do but energy is limited and why am I they one to call? So I call those who do care, who relate and who have things were we can commiserate.
That went a little long and sideways but I hope you get what I mean.
Right on 👍🏼😉🤪🐾🐾
I've had to work out the answer to this question too. My truthful answer is "Good and bad." Its true for most people too.
Good answer... it keeps them guessing.
"I'm okay." I figure when people ask, how are you? it's more a figure of speech and don't really want to know.
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carolek572CommunityAmbassador
I agree with mrsmike9 , it's all a figure of speech, and most people don't even hear your response as they are busy with filling the next empty audible void. I always 'lie' like a cat but my face usually tells the better story! 
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Great picture!👍
love the cat ....yayyayya...just great is a good answer and if they ask for more than i will say just a little for most don't really care what or how we are feeling so i just say it is great and how are you doing ????....i still like the cat ...i think you should make it into a shirt and sell them ...at the MS on there....good one ..ahhahahhahahahahhah
I thought about making A Tshirt for me. There may be a copyright on the pic so I'll pass on the production line.😻
It usually depends on who I'm talking to, and how I am doing that day. Some days I just don't want to get into so I just say I'm fine or doing good.
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People give me a hard time for saying I’m fine all the time…so I actually bought that cat pic saying it on an orange t-shirt…the site offered T-shirts, sweatshirts, more but I forced myself to buy just one. 😄
I love it!😀
I always respond with the truth. I am in pain 24 hours a day and it's because of MS. I have never been ashamed to tell anyone the truth about how I am feeling. I've defeated colon cancer so I deal with MS and keep moving
Congrats on the cancer! Great attitude with the MS!😁
F.I.N.E. F.*cked up, I.nsecure, N.eurotic, E.motional. Yes, most days I am say I am F.I.N.E.
Exactly!🤪
Yep! I like it!
i sooo need that!😜😹 but i don't tell people unless i know they actually care. even with my mum, i try to downplay b/c she's stressed all the time from my illness. i always tell her about symptoms she can see or if i have new pain that sneaks up on me so i don't scare her. when i yell.
Bless you for taking care of your mom's feelings. The less stress we give them the longer they will be with us!😁
i always knew it bothered her, but years ago i had a cat get sick. i knew he'd recover, but for about a week i had to give him food, medicine and water through a tube in his neck. one day i saw where it entered his neck and i broke down crying for nearly an hour.
what brought me out of it (in a bit of a shock) was realising it hurt me that much for my cat when i knew he'd recover. my poor mum has to watch me slowly deteriorate. i mean she made me, literally. it gave me a whole new perspective.
You get extra stars ⭐🌟⭐ for learning that lesson.
I always say I'm fine--unless of course it's a doctor who is asking. Most people don't really want to know. They do want to talk about themselves. I try to give them a chance to do that, and if I don't have time or energy for listening to them, I at least can keep my troubles from them. They have enough of their own, most likely.
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