How cold people have become. What to common sense and compassion.

[Chameleon3]

I have noticed in the news and other sources the things people say when someone they know has lost someone they were close to. Here are some that piss me off.

My condolences. Could this be any more of a "just go away so I don't have to look at your grieving ass.

My thoughts and prayers. Really? Are you actually to tell me that you will think of me again after today? Your prayers? You mean the ones where you ask for the winning lottery numbers or some other petty crap like the creator is actually going to do that for you?

If there is anything I can do, just let me know. Well yes, as a matter of fact there is. Can you come over saturday and paint my garage? What then, numnuts?

I just know he/she is up there looking down on us and is happy. Ok, bonehead. What if he isn't "up there?" What if the guy was a waste of a human life and he is "down there" existing in his damnation?

I know he would have wanted you to move on. WTF? I don't care what he wants, he is dead. I am not ready to move on. Just go away.

I just saw him/her yesterday. Really, well that didn't help him/her, did it?

I am sorry for your loss. Are you kidding me? I am not talking about losing my cell phone or my car keys. We are talking about my father, my best friend, my mentor. The main person who made me what I am today. Not some item I have misplaced.

This is what I truly think when I hear or see people say these things. It is also meant to be kinda funny.

[RoyceNewton]

Perhaps there are two things,

1. I do not know what to tell you so I will say something I think is polite and you will gp0 away

2. this is really uncomfortable for me, you are making me face things that I do not want to face

3 I DO NOT CARE about your problems, most likely the most honest

4. People are too selfish and rude, courtesy is not common anymore, sadly

[RoyceNewton in reply to RoyceNewton]

I meant 4 not 2

[Chameleon3 in reply to RoyceNewton]

Its ok. I believe we are all fluent in MSspeak and MStypos!!

[RoyceNewton in reply to Chameleon3]

[Peruzzot in reply to Chameleon3]

Ohhh please don't get me started on the MSTypos or auto correct that doesn't correct squat!😘

[Peruzzot in reply to RoyceNewton]

I think your right with these.

[erash in reply to RoyceNewton]

#2 is very true for most people 🙁

[punterstein]

Just curious. What do you think should be said to someone who has lost a loved one?

[Chameleon3 in reply to punterstein]

I ave lost partners and fellow officers and I simply hus them tightly and I just say " I am so so sorry." Because I am. I had 2 close friends who ied in the line of duty. I keep with their wife even today though it has been 20 yrs and 14 yrs since their murders. I take their kids and the wives out somewhere to dinner, water park, to a picnic in one of the many parks here in Fort Worth. I am just there for them if they need me.

[Midgey_Midge06]

i have not lost a lot of people. I have been lucky. Just recently lost my mom and people have said all those things to me and more and i appreciated every single word. It was nice to know people cared enuf to acknowledge my pain. I guess i am not jaded and see the best in every one still?

[kdali in reply to Midgey_Midge06]

Nope, I’m with ya. I know the people saying it are not being sinister or cold, and if in my blind grief I could ask them a favor, they would do that and more immediately.

[lbenmaor]

That is hysterical. It's hard for a lot of people to do or say certain things and this is an example of one of them,

Leslie

[Hidden]

Angry much?

[Chameleon3 in reply to Hidden]

As a matter of fact I am. Most of the time. I do a job and fight a war no one wants to understand. I fight it for the love of my fellow Americans. It is not appreciated by a lot of people. I have been spit on, called names, attacked, shot at, and sued in court. All because I dared to put on a badge and swear an other to protect human life even if it costs me my own.

I guarantee you do not know the things I have seen in my 30 career. Nor the things I have had to do. Myself and people like me work to protect you as best as we can from the evil that wanders in and around normal society.

Rant over. You may now resume your regularly scheduled programming.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to Chameleon3]

I know about your anger Chameleon3 believe me. And maybe you just don't see the gratitude that you are given.

You along with so many that have served and are serving deserve that!

But until you SEE it, you won't get it.

As far as the other stuff, prob. Not the place.🤗💕

J🌠

[Midgey_Midge06 in reply to Chameleon3]

I respect police officers. Grew up in a family of them. Married one for a short time. My nephew after 4 tours over seas is now a Houston police officer.

Y’all that serve and protect us deserve the utmost respect as u put ur lives on the line for us every day. U r all heroes. 👩🏻‍✈️👨🏻‍✈️ y’all may not see us cuz u r looking for the bad guys we are out there smiling every time we see u drive by keeping an eye on r streets. I get that warm comfy feeling knowing u will be there while i am asleep keeping me safe.

U r appreciated for the job u do 🇱🇷🇱🇷

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to Midgey_Midge06]

I grew up with the best or the worst of them, depends on how ya wanna look at it.🤣🤔 But I DO give the respect they deserve. And there is no disrespecting my daddy and Uncles now my brother? Well... 😕😂😒

Midgey_Midge06 🤗💕

J🌠

[Midgey_Midge06 in reply to Jesmcd2]

Can not ever disrespect ur daddy. Daddy’s r the bestest 😁😁💜💜

[Chameleon3 in reply to Midgey_Midge06]

Thank you. But it takes an officer to lose his or her life before the public shows it's appreciation.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to Chameleon3]

Sorry you feel that way.

[Peruzzot in reply to Chameleon3]

I completely understand where you are coming from. I spent 17 years as an Army MP both on active duty and in the reserve.

I retired from the Army as a Soldier after serving a little over 30 years total time. Point is I've seen and experienced a lot too.

I have a tendency to get snarky with people and have little tolerance for stupidity but I'm careful not to accuse everyone in sight of being insincere, unappreciative, or disrespectful.

I too have lost family and friends in the line of duty. It's always sad and always infuriating, but life must continue on for those of us left behind. You can't be bitter with everyone it will only make you miserable. Continue to talk with people who walk in your shoes...we're the only ones who truly understand what you're going thru.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

I'm sorry that you can't accept what little words they can give Chameleon3 as I'm sure most are given with the best of intention. To let you know they are trying to support you.

I am sorry about your dad. 🤗💕

J🌠

[Chameleon3 in reply to Jesmcd2]

I agree, I just wish they would say what they actually feel instead of something they have heard on the television.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador in reply to Chameleon3]

How do you know they arnt? Or they just don't have the words to say. Just because they don't say what YOU want them to say, doesn't mean that they don't mean it. 🤗💕

J🌠

[Jazzyinco]

Chameleon, LOL! hilarius!😎😁 i love what U said bbout the Creator & Lottery like Bruce Almighty!!!😁😁😁Blessings---Jazz🌹💜

[mrsmike9]

The "thoughts and prayers" one really gets to me. All these school shootings and all that can be done is "thoughts and prayers"? It's pure BS...

[goatgal]

Chameleon3 Your post has bothered me for several days, so I have returned to it to reply. Because the post felt both angry and judgmental when I read it, it's reassuring to learn that you have been able to say you were sorry when learning of a death, and that, more than many of us perhaps, have stayed in contact to support those who must go forward into living despite awareness of their loss. I follow no named religion but understand that others do. I also understand that each faith and culture has specific ways of acknowledging death and expressing condolence. I respect those differences and accept them as sincere expressions of sympathy. When I was young, I did not know what to say and feared to speak lest I remind those grieving of their deep loss. I know now that no matter how awkwardly or poorly expressed, an acknowledgment of loss is what binds us in community with our fellow humans. At such moments the differences (of race, culture, nationality, religion, gender and so many other externalities) fall away. What remains is our shared humanity.

[Lilith08]

Another angle to this, as I see it, is the rise of social media. Let's go with Facebook for example. Someone declares to their 300 or 800 "friends" that their aunt has died. Then the expressions of sympathy start to pile up. How many different ways are there to say "I'm so sorry"? It has all become something very different than it used to be, back in Real Life.

My bigger point is that all this electronic communication that we've grown so accustomed to, such as texting instead of speaking to each other, is wreaking havoc on interpersonal relationships. Think back 15 years ago and how a death would have played out: depending on the closeness of the relationship, the news would have been shared with a varying number of your closest friends. Not with scores or even hundreds at a time. We'd have received much more heartfelt condolences because we'd have been sharing the news with the few people who really mattered.

Maybe I've gone off on a tangent here but one thing I've come to realize is that too much of our lives have been taken over by screens. We need to remember how to be real people, dealing with other real people in real life.

Full disclosure: I've quit Facebook and all other social media (except for MS forums). Best decision I've made in years!

[Chameleon3]

I agree Lilith. I refuse to have a text conversation with anyone. I expect a phone call. If you are just wanting to say something really quick, that is ok. I have one friend who will only talk through text. Needless to say, I haven't talked to her in quite a while.

I also believe that technology is bad and good. I do like things like skype so that I can talk to the friends I have to have gone to live in other countries or are thousands of miles away. I like to talk to their kids and threaten to tell them Mom's or Dad's dirty secrets!! LOL