Frustrated with family

[NorasMom]

Yeah, I hate the posts that ramble on with TMI, but this is really bothering me and I'd like some feedback. I never realized just how much I relied on my job to make me feel useful and wanted.

Anyway, a bit of background: When my daughter lost her job and got evicted, I gave her an aging 2-bedroom house trailer, complete with working appliances and random household goods. All she really needed was a bed. There's never been a word of thanks but lots of complaints about why I didn't fix or replace everything first. During the same time period, my son developed health problems and couldn't work, so he moved in with me. After 3 years, he now has enough of an income to pay me $55 a month. Neither one owns a car, and my daughter refuses to learn how to drive. My mother shouldn't be driving at all, and her car is ancient and unlikely to pass inspection.

I have a decent car that has to last the rest of my life, and since I'm not comfortable driving much anymore, the car has been available to all 3 households on an as-needed basis. I learned from a different source that both kids made plans to spend the winter going into the rural hills of the next county several days a week for a part-time job that my daughter found. They've told me nothing about this, and I have no idea which days they'll be going.

When I got the call that a friend's husband died unexpectedly, I let everyone know that I'd need a ride to the funeral. Once I announced the date and time, the response was “Well, you'll have to figure something out, because we're taking your car that day.” I was angry and suggested that they change their plans or rent a car, and all I'm getting from the entire family is that I'm being ridiculous and mean. I did make other arrangements for myself, but I'm hurt and frustrated that I'm the only one who sees a problem with this. They're all barely speaking to me because I'm “selfish”. So, to mimic a different site, AITA?

[Humbrd]

Sorry to hear you're going through this. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. It's hard when you can't drive yourself and need to ask for a ride. If that wasn't the case then I'd say that I have the car that day, it's mine and I will be going to the funeral. But because you're unable to drive it yourself and have to depend on someone to drive it, it really puts you in a hard place. And you may be thinking I may need them to drive me another time so I can't make anyone too mad. It probably wants to make you scream and pull your hair out with frustration. I'm not saying you should do this because I'm not in that position so I don't know how it really feels. But I might say to them, I need someone to take me to this funeral in my car and if you want to continue borrowing my car then you will help me on that day. And remember most of the time our kids are going to be mad at us no matter what we do.

[falalalala]

Hell no, you're not.

[kdali]

NTA.

[greaterexp]

Time to kick some relationships out the door. I can't see putting up with the entitled attitudes.

[carolek572 CommunityAmbassador]

I agree with  greaterexp ,  NorasMom , and that’s so so sad to hear about family taking advantage of your good graces.

[Cwright170994]

Totally NTA!

[Greentime]

This really saddens me. It would not happen if you weren’t so vulnerable. I would be afraid of losing them and would therefore be afraid of doing something about it. Otherwise I would set out some ground rules - you are welcome to use my car as long as in return you drive me when I need a ride. Sending hugs.

[Frances_B]

Time to put your foot down - your house, your car, your rules. Time to stop enabling their selfishness and force them to stand on their own two feet - and stop using you. Sorry, that these are harsh words, but your are not their "resident doormat - for the trampling of" and they need to move on and learn about real life out in the real world again. The longer this goes on the worse it will get and the more they will take advantage. Take care of yourself - it will not be easy, but you are not doing them any favours by letting this sort of behaviour continue.

[CatsandCars]

That's horrible. You could sell the car and use the money for Uber. You wouldn't be dependent on anyone and wouldn't have your kids putting mileage and wear and tear on it.

[CatsandCars]

And when your daughter complains about the trailer, tell her if she doesn't like it, she should find someplace else to live.

[NorasMom]

Thank you all for the support. I was really feeling down about it and have just been completely flabbergasted by their attitudes. It's amazingly easy to start questioning your sanity.

CatsandCars, I've actually been thinking of selling the car. It's costing me close to $100 a month just to keep it on the road, and that's not counting gas and repairs. Since I do nearly all of my shopping online, and our county has a disabled transportation service, it would be so much cheaper for me to go that route.

[Humbrd in reply to NorasMom]

I think that is probably a good idea selling the car. It's costing you every month to have it yet others are driving it and then when you need a ride, it's not available. What happens if your car is wrecked in an accident. Then you won't be able to sell it.

[Neworleanslady]

maybe u could rent the car to them. And living spaces. For a lot more $ than $55. You take back control of your things and your life. You’d be bringing in $$. Hard when it’s your kids. But if they’re mad at you anyway-

Idk what nta means

[mrsmike9]

Oooo! I'd be seeing red! (If you're younger than me, that means "angry"!) If you point out all that you have done for them and it doesn't sink in, write each of them a letter. Tell them to take time to read all the things you have pointed out. It's so hard when it is your kids, but give them an opportunity to apologize, and if they then don't get it, say something to the effect of, "I give you one month to find a different place to live, and, by the way, this car is mine. I paid for it and I pay the insurance for it."I had to give my youngest an ultimatum at one point. At the beginning of Covid he refused to get vaccinated. I said, you get the shot or, because Dad and I don't have good health, find another place to live." He moved! He was gone for about a year (it was so peaceful!) and eventually moved back after his friend threw him out.

Good luck!

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

I feel for you, l really do! And l know that silent treatment. Its deafing! 🤣🤣 Stick to your guns women! Its YOUR CAR! You are not the ... 🤣They are throwing a tantrum... Seriously? 🤔 They dont like it? Get out🤷‍♀️🤗💕🌠🎄

[Tazmanian]

It's your car and your trailer? Take your bat and ball and go home

[NorasMom in reply to Tazmanian]

lol. I made the mistake of putting the trailer in her name. The first thing she did was change the locks, because I "can't be trusted". I should have run at that point. I had such high hopes for my children...

[Tazmanian in reply to NorasMom]

Sorry

[Greentime in reply to NorasMom]

Unbelievable. I feel for you.

[CatsandCars in reply to NorasMom]

I'm sorry. I remember right before my husband and I were thinking about having kids, I suddenly started noticing that sometimes people who really seemed like good parents had the worst kids! It happens. I hope that in time they will come to appreciate you.

[NorasMom in reply to CatsandCars]

They actually used to. They were the best children and teenagers anyone could ask for. All I can think now is that they're turning into their father. I got rid of him for just cause 20 years ago!

[Kit10]

Rewrite your wíll - the dog's home will be gratefúl.

[GoingDownFighting]

NTA by any means! I am sorry that you have to deal with that. GDF

[Scout4x4]

I understand your frustrations. It's time to pull up their big girl panties and underwear and move on. My sister and niece are the same unappreciative adults. They could no longer could afford their apartment so my mom let them move in. My mom is very meticulous on keeping the house clean and organized but they 2 that moved in with her are total slops and not paying rent.

She let them move in so they could save enough to afford their own place. When you ask how much they have saved the response is not really anything. apartments are to expensive. I'm disabled and I take care of most of the cleaning and it is always clean enough to invite people in. I am so frustrated with my sister we don't speak with them making my 83-year-old mom live like that.