Pondering my own mortality this evening has lead me to a very simple realisation about myself, not being a religious man and unwilling to worship man or specter alike, i am terrified of the prospect of being so helpless and unable to wipe my own ass!!! Am i alone in this very real assumption about how and why im still here. Bringing further burden and slamming it upon the shoulders of my wife.
Do u fear death?: Pondering my own... - My MSAA Community
Do u fear death?
Written by
Fattius
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18 Replies
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No, and it has nothing to do with religious doctrine. I fear becoming a burden, filled with the regret of not living life as well as I could have while I could have, and knowing the resentment of my family for not trying hard enough to overcome the challenges of this disease that will become their problem. What I fear the most is becoming a bitter hateful shell that use to be human.
The way I used to drive, apparently I didn't.
Nowadays, I don't spend much time ruminating on that as it takes away from my happiness.
Seriously.
I understand, pain presses me onwards and ignorance keeps me entertained.
Jesmcd2CommunityAmbassador
That's 2 questions Fattius and thanks for bringing them up before my surgery. Do I fear death? Naw. It's not so bad. 😊
Do I fear of becoming a burden on my family? Of course I do. So I do. Until I can not.. until then, I don't ask why I'm here, ok I do, I just hope that I can make a small difference somewhere.
It only makes sense to ? . Very few things you will find dear and for everything else there's that old Chinese proverb that states " Halloween is for the mask, not for the accuatience "! 😂
I feel your pain. Becoming a burden on others is my biggest fear. The fear of dying doesn’t exist. Sometimes I think it would be better for everyone. All my life I was the one who could do, fix, build, anything. Now I watch. I’m seeing a therapist to help with the transition, it ain’t easy.
Now I spend my days in a wheelchair and try to navigate my way.
Reach out for help if you feel bad.
It’s a long road and it will take time to handle all this stuff.
I read your post then the replies. I fall right in there with everyone else. I'm not afraid of death, but I don't want to become a burden to my family while having no quality of life. I don't sit and think about the what-ifs. Down that road lies madness. With every new loss of function, I go through the grieving process then let it go, and I go forward focusing on what I can do, not what I can't. Which is, of course, a moving target. I just gave up my career and a great income to apply for disability. I was faking being "normal" for as long as I could pull it off, and that time came to an end. I'm new to having no income and no ability to go get another job. It's an enormous adjustment and a whole change in personal identity. I am an RN, so now I'm more in need of being rescued instead of being the rescuer. I don't like it, but I accept it. The love and support of my family has gotten me through and I'm taking one day at a time. Don't know what exactly the future will bring. MS has many variables and everyone's path is different. So I will continue to live one day at a time, being thankful for what I still have and can still do, and not letting my mind go to that dark place of self-pity and fearing the worst. At least that is something I can spare myself and my family of. So far, so good. Blessings!
pamgarner in reply to
well said.I think it is all about the fear of the unknown,will I get better or worse?so just for today I will........
I think I am like most everyone here death 💀 doesn’t concern me. Be a burden does and I think most us are the same way. I think at some point of burden to others we should have a choice to move on 👍💀 Ken 🐾🐾
I really like your response. I agree. While the pain continues to become unbearable, at some point I WILL make that difficult decision. It is close now. Kelly
in reply to Kenu
Agreed.
I know what ya mean by being a big burden on spouse! 😢 i feel th@ way all the time!!!!😢😢😢😬
Death is painless. I've already been there and done that. Doctors brought me back. So I have no fear of it. Being a burden is a huge worry. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it...and MS will have to drag me kicking and screaming and squirming all the way to that bridge. 😎
R u kidding me!!!
I fear I’ve lost my mind
How do you manage stress
